Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Entry #207

.43 Magnum
by Anton Gully


Hong Po never bothered to knock, but then he never had to. I always knew it was him by the way he climbed the stairs to my second floor office, exhibiting all the grace of a refrigerator.

He just about remembered to turn the handle before opening the door, and was right in front of my desk in three brutal strides.

“Ten grand,” he said, slapping a plain white envelope on top of the crossword I was cross-hatching. Without another word he turned on his heel, left my office and lumbered back down the stairs. He didn't even shut the door behind him.

I waited until the big Scotsman's steps had quietened down to a soft earthquake before I opened the envelope and slid out the contents. Immediately I laid my eyes on the photograph I got grabbed by that giddy sensation I experience when I imagine being able to afford to eat.

I counted half way to three before grabbing my phone and dialing the number. I wasn't surprised when Reyes answered, but he made the mistake of getting right into telling me my business and how I was doing it all wrong.

“Button your yap-hole, flunky,” I said, being as diplomatic as the situation demanded. “Arrange a meeting for me with your boss. Oh and be sure to bring twenty thousand dollars to make me feel special. That's right... tell Mr. Selleck I've found his mustache.”

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very strong opening. You hooked me in the first paragraph; however, I was hoping for something other than a piece of Tom Selleck in the end (and I'm from Michigan). --JR

sandra seamans said...

I had to go back and look at the picture. You're right - its Tom Selleck's mustache! I'm still giggling.

Anton Gully said...

Sandra, I could hug you.. oh, come here!

Aerin said...

So....I'm a huge Tom Selleck fan and this is very funny.

AND

I'm afraid people will overlook how /well/ this was written because of the humorous ending. The pacing, use of dialogue - skillful.

Laurel said...

HOLY SMOKES! This is fantastic. First of all. Is Hong Po the BIG SCOTSMAN?

I am weeping, weeping, I tell you, with laughter already. Then I get to the finale.

Mr. Selleck's mustache?

I am slain.

Top five. No doubt. Uber-clever, evokes a genre and turns it on its ear. Down to the oriental Charlie Chan era step-and-fetch-it.

Still a-snickering.

Bernita said...

What they said, but I can't identify the big Scotsman.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Very funny! Off to recheck the picture...

MRMacrum said...

Absolutely the best interpretation of the image I have read. I am still chuckling. But like the others, Hung Po being a Scotsman seems too much of a stretch even when used in the same story as Tom Selleck's mustache. Damn. I am still laughing.

anu said...

Man that was awesome...
yeah top 5 for sure.

Deb Smythe said...

Ha! We needed a good mustache story:)

laughingwolf said...

lol... VERY well done, anton!

and the scotland-born chinese guy, priceless ;)

Aniket said...

Well, now I at least know whose getting the readers choice award. Congratulations!

Cracked me up good! I never much liked the guy, being a Chandler fan. ;)

Janel said...

Loved it! The Asian Scotsman cracked me up. Great interpretation of the pic.

Kartik said...

Sooper dooper awesome! This is in my fab five for sure!!

David Barber said...

Excellent Anton. Certainly a totally different take on the picture. Top job, mate.

Aerin said...

Aniket is too young to remember Magnum PI....*sigh*...


Caveat

Something I Would Keep

The writing - it's light, playful, just really skillfully wrought

Something I Might Tweak

Um. In the last paragraph, I'd probably put a comma after the Oh.

Preeti said...

HAHAHAHA...

I cant stop laughing. This is incredibly clever. Oh my God. What have you gone and done with the prompt, man...??

Hong Po...Scotsman... it was like being hit by a truck...??? i went.. "WHAAAAT???""" :-)))

and the end... Oh Dear... !!!

How i love this! :-)
Brilliant!!!

JaneyV said...

Anton that bird really does look like Tom Sellek's tash. this is clever, hysterically funny and very well written. Well done.

Craig said...

That took skills. Enough said.

pjd said...

Very funny. Well done. And I love the Scotsman named Hong Po.

Ragna said...

Loved it :) made me smile :) You are so right it is his moustache !

catvibe said...

Great visuals in the office there. Love the name of your Scot, he walks like a Scot and not like a Chinese man so the name must be a nick name? Funny take.

Leatherdykeuk said...

*laughs*
Excellent twist.

Anton Gully said...

Great contest! Had a lot of fun taking part and reading other writer's entries.

Heartfelt thanks for your comments and suggestions!