Dark Flight of the Soul
by Gary Knowlden
Destination death in a sealed envelope of biology: blood coursing through the branches, venous twigs to wisps of capillaries. Lymphatic tissue hangs like clinging leaves in fall.
Caged by life the soul takes wing to gall. Above the rivers of vital fluids, it catches thermals over pooling wastes. Wings beat to some internal pump, soaring past landscapes of organs, tissues, cells, and plasma tides. At critical altitude, grabbing perch on the mother ship of life’s insolent interpreter.
From soul’s beak a stick pokes at the folds kindling nervous energy; yet neurons know only their own. Senses expand but define for the collective a reckoning of its known universe. The soul sees the vat while the brain inputs ponderous worlds.
The animation is brief. Ensnared in the tree of life, death looms in bird sense. Leaves fall, branches break, and somewhere a root is rotting. What may seem like millennia to a crow is hardly time to a soul. Death may be sinister or patient, accidental or Darwinian. The bitter juices may wear a rust hole in the vat, or simian thinking may ignite a fantasia ending.
As a life evolves from maniacal growth to descending wreckage; the soul is in flight to the same physics: lift, glide, flap, drag. The universe expands, contracts, and stifles toward singularity.
Suddenly the cage door swings wide. From troll to triumph; Death liberates the soul to infinite sky.
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16 comments:
Overwhelming sense of biological entropy.
Clinical and fatalistic at the same time. Effective tone.
Interesting, but I have the feeling you are trying to hard to enforce your theme.
Interesting concept.
Unique take. Like the dark edge of this piece. Terrific line. especially liked: From soul’s beak a stick pokes at the folds kindling nervous energy; yet neurons know only their own AND The universe expands, contracts, and stifles toward singularity. Well crafted.
Unusual metaphor.
what bernita said...
There were many moments in the piece that made me stop and think like 'The universe expands, contracts, and stifles toward singularity.'
I like pieces that make me wonder. ;)
Caveat
Something I Would Keep
the poetry of the piece - it's heavy, and needs some pruning, but it's lots and lots of lovely and intentional language
Something I Might Tweak
I felt...hammered..by the metaphors. Maybe intersperse with dialogue, exposition, or put the prose into a poetry form.
I also personally happen to disagree with your take on the soul, but that's not a technical difficulty :)
Well, I think you did a fabulous job writing this piece. Its beautiful and I'm putting it on my list of keepers. I disagree with the comment above and think you should leave it the way it is.
Excellent work.
i absolutely loved this.
Deep, philosophical, spiritual.
All of us are entitled to our takes on life, living and the soul and i think you've done a marvelous job with the way you've expressed yours.
It almost sounds like a rant but there is something so energetic and passionate about rants. i truly loved this one. Truly.
Maybe I'm just a simpleton, but I'd have to agree with Aerin. Way too heavy, in fact, textbook heavy.
Dude there was a lot of medical in that! :) And still it completely told the story! :)
I like the thought of my soul coursing through my body looking for an escape route. It feels part of life's energy. And I also love the explosive return to the oneness of the universe from troll to triumph.
Highly original approach.
what laughingwolf said...
Thank you, everyone, for all of your comments!
-Gary Knowlden
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