Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Entry #209

The Nuisance of Necessity
by Sourabh Biswas


I glance down. Branches, leaves, flowers blend into one another, allowing me to perceive a haze of rich foliage. The talons grip nothing but ether as I flex it, and air it is that cocoons my anatomy as I accelerate.

The twilight sun settles in the distance, and my stomach rumbles with unrelenting hunger. What is the euphonious twittering in the distance to me?

The mellifluous music of an appetite being quelled...

Nay, do not mistake me for the cynical murderer, the cold blooded wielder of a scythe. Nature has its delights, but it leaves the individual to fend for itself.

Few powerful flaps of my wings, and I can discern a sparrow. It titters on, cloaked in the envelope of ominous oblivion.

Its kin spot me, and the pitch switches on to a more harried tenor. The sparrow has arched its little, pathetic wings, but even as it knows, its end shall engulf it in an ephemeral moment.

The crimson liquid flows over my talons, all around me are the sickening shrieks of “Murder!” and the rustling of a thousand feathers making an exodus for their lives.

The ambience echoes normalcy after a while.

* * *

“Come on!” Sam wrenched my arm. The lifeless eyes of the old woman mirrored my own terror-stricken ones.

“I t-thought...s-she had... gun...” The bag of cash in my hands felt as if it harboured lead.

“Doesn’t matter...come on....your daughter...remember?”

Lily swam into focus, the ECGs and the ICU with it.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

16 comments:

Laurel said...

That transition was very jarring...I felt deliberately so. Comparing one predator to another.

Crisp and startling with beautiful descriptions.

kashers said...

Trapped bird = trapped bride.

Maybe I'm getting tired, but tiredly?

Bernita said...

A faux comparison perhaps - but nicely written.
The bird is more pretentious than the human, which is amusing.

laughingwolf said...

what bernita said...

PEOPLE, PLACES, VOICES, FACES... said...

I actually like the self-conscious, ritualistic, courtly, even dandy-ish voice of the bird as he describes his self-indulgent kill contrasted so starkly against the needy-nervous-knee-jerky-practical human killing.

Ranee

Aniket said...

Interesting take. Despite being a sucker for dialogue, I liked the detailing in the first half a bit more. Nice write-up.

Sourabh Biswas said...

Thanks folks!

@Bernita: Hadn't thought of it that way. And yeah, it does appear intriguing!

Aerin said...



Caveat

Something I Would Keep

love this line: The mellifluous music of an appetite being quelled...

Something I Might Tweak

I don't think you need to make the human narrator stutter. The verbs adequately convey his/her shock.

Preeti said...

Wow ...

the transition was something else.

I liked this because of the way it has taken a leap ... yet... it is quite grounded at the same time.

Very expertly done.

James R. Tomlinson said...

Some of the adjectives get in the way of your story. Sometimes it's better to let the reader fill in the spaces, allow the reader to visualize parts of the story ... and there is a good story here.

Aimee Laine said...

Interesting parallel. Well done. :)

JaneyV said...

The bird's arrogance and superiority complex is an interesting contrast to the reluctant thief - yet each has killed for survival - the bird his own, the thief, his daughter's.

Imaginative take on the prompt.

Craig said...

Your choice of words for the bird were perfect. It gave it a very prentenious, 'better than you' air.

pjd said...

I must be tired right now... I got very confused as to what was real and what was vision in the final section. I think I understand it, and I do like the juxtaposition of the two scenes. But I think 250 words might be too small a space to accomplish what you were attempting.

catvibe said...

I like the voice of your bird/narrator. Although, as JR said, there were times your vocabulary in adjectives felt a little over the top. Although kind of fun too, and fitting for the arrogance of your narrator. So I could go either way there.

The second part, I just don't really understand it I guess. I think my eyes are word weary... But still, I loved your narrator and his voice.

Leatherdykeuk said...

clever voices but I founf the alliteration a touch grating.