Eight Seconds
by Prashant Dhanke
“Not much of a hobby mate.” Johnny whispered loudly through the bushes.
“Ummm?” said Pete distantly. His eyes fixed on the sky, as always.
Always.
“Bird watching. Not for our kind.” Johnny stepped back; now better hidden.
“Look, how she glides! Such grace! She would back-flip one day. I know.” Pete didn’t budge as the predator approached him. “It’s a kite.”
“And you are a rat; a fat one at that.” Johnny found his humor as the claws flew past Pete, leaving him untouched, unfazed.
Pete was indeed fat. He never had to run.
No one knew how old he was. They said he lost his death with his tail.
At times he would be on the farm road and trucks would pass over him, depriving him of the sky above for a moment or two.
The limping cat didn’t bother him anymore. Once, she stepped on burning wood while chasing him.
Some rats got their tails castrated. The kite tore them apart nonetheless. But not him.
* * *
A day dawned. The kite picked him up and soared high. Pete looked down at the world below. No feelings. No thoughts. No glory.
Eight seconds later the kite dropped him. Too heavy for the claws, probably.
And then:
A truck turned menacingly.
A hungry cat limped ahead.
A kite did a back-flip.
A rat closed his eyes forever.
But the eyes closed before the kite flipped back.
The tombstone read:
HERE LIES A RAT WHO HAD NO TAIL
NO FEATHERS EITHER
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
21 comments:
Clever, clever, clever! I love this one! Witty, a bit poignant at the end. An epicurean life well lived.
Kudos!
I hope that when it is my time, my life will have been one worthy of such an epitaph.
Cute!
Nicely surreal.
Thank you all :)
Funny! Sensed a hint of melancholic pride in Pete's little beady eye!
Ha! Nicely turned at the end.
nice one dude..
good stuff... but how does one castrate a tail?
I like it it, a lot.
"whispered loudly" was the only thing that didn't sit well with me and made me stop while reading.
I loved the piece to core with everything else. We have been reading tons of stories about freedom. To me, this rat seems to be the one to truly be a free spirit.
Great story!
Caveat
Something I Would Keep
The pace is playful, Aesop-ian.
Something I Might Tweak
I would either use dialogue throughout, or not use dialogue in the beginning. To only have a little felt a little unbalanced, to me.
Hmmnn... i liked this.
it was a new perspective and a unique take on the prompt.
Now why do I have visions of "The Kite Runner" going through my noggin'? Interesting way to construct a story. Nicely told.
Lovely gentle humour. Pete is a rat with poet's soul.
I enjoyed that.
Took me a moment to get it, but well done!
I find it sad that he didn't get to see the kite flip back, but maybe knowing it would happen was enough for him. Love that he's a rat that's also a bird watcher.
This is possibly the coolest story I've read so far in this contest :)
Loved the rat under the car and the cat who was negatively entrained by the hot fire! This was original and refreshing and whimsical.
Very cool!
Very Nice :-)
Post a Comment