Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Entry #213

Special
by Raine Weaver


“Mom always said I was different ‘coz I was special. The stranger agreed. Was that wrong?”

I liked Doc Burdett’s office. It had ash-white bones, warm wooden walls, and water trickling over rocks. And he never made a fuss, which made Doc special to me.

“Did he say anything dirty, Sarah?”

“No. He just brought the announcement.”

“Annunciation.” Mom clutched her purse, kinda scared-like. “Annunciation was the word she used.”

“Sarah? Who is ‘he’?”

“The dark man who comes to my bed.”

“She says she has a lover. Thirty-two hours in labor, and she lies to me.”

“She’s twenty-one, Adele. Being oxygen-deprived at birth didn’t stifle her hormones.” He gave me that look that men do, the one that makes Mom twitch.

“Impossible. I’m with her every waking minute.”

“Some fella shinny up her downspout?”

“You treated anybody with my shotgun up his ass?”

Doc Burdett wiped his mouth. “Sarah? Tell me what happens.”

“Feathered fingers on my window. Brittle taps against the glass. He lies on me ‘til he’s all heated honey-sweet skin, and rocks inside me ‘til dawn. Then there’s just wide, purple-black wings, and he’s gone.”

“Masturbating,” Doc said promptly. “Let her be. Fantasy may be all she ever has. You know what it’s like to be alone, Adele.”

Mom was calmer after that. I was glad Doc could help her. Especially now that I can feel something growing, fluttering deep in my belly.

There’ll probably be a fuss. ‘Coz I think it’s gonna be special too.

25 comments:

Laurel said...

Wow. Amazing voice and the tale told through dialogue she hears is artful.

Awesome.

Aerin said...

Raine, Raine! I missed you! I love this piece, so skillfully written, the colloquial captured so well. YAY!!

McKoala said...

Oh this one is just lovely. Love the voice.

maybe genius said...

Beautiful piece. It's gritty and lyrical all at once. Great voice.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Awesome. Adding this to my too-long list of faves.

Bernita said...

YES!
Your voice is wonderful. Characters fully and individually drawn without a wasted word.A finely-honed piece.

laughingwolf said...

raine rocks!

raine said...

You're all very kind. :)
Thank you!

Aniket said...

Oh, there'll surely be a fuzz. ;)

Expertly written.

Aerin said...



Caveat

Something I Would Keep

The whole bloomin' thing

Something I Might Tweak

I'm not sure it should say "by Raine Weaver"...can we make it say "by Aerin Rose"?.......

CJT said...

I really like the idea you used here and the way you expressed it. Great job. Definately going on the list of favs.

Preeti said...

There is something eerie about this. It has a subtle darkness that refuses to reveal it self, yet it lurks there. Menacingly.
Phew...

Liked...

James R. Tomlinson said...

It's not easy making a story shine through dialogue. You managed it here. Nice take on the pic.

BernardL said...

Wow, Raine, that was a captivating read.

raine said...

Now that it's the weekend and I have more time...
Thank you so much Laurel, Aerin (you made me all misty-eyed!), McKoala, Genius, Sarah, dearest Bernita, Laughingwolf, Aniket, CJT, Preeti (yes, there is), James, and Bernard (waving!).
Posting was a last-minute decision. You make me glad I did. :)

truevoid said...

thanks writing and posting. it was a gripping read. too good!

Aimee Laine said...

That was awesome. My favorite part...
"“Feathered fingers on my window. Brittle taps against the glass. He lies on me ‘til he’s all heated honey-sweet skin, and rocks inside me ‘til dawn. Then there’s just wide, purple-black wings, and he’s gone.”"
Great job!

JaneyV said...

The voice is perfect. I love it all. It is indeed - special.

Craig said...

Has a very subtle dark side. Well done.

Tara said...

Excellent all the way through.

Leatherdykeuk said...

So disturbing!

Well done.

pjd said...

LOL @Aerin

Yes, absolutely masterful writing. My only confusion was whether Mom was the one asking about the shotgun up the ass. It seemed a departure from the character I expected, the one clutching her purse kinda scared-like.

Very creepy in a way, calling out the Annunciation. (Not being schooled in such things, I found wikipedia helpful.) The whole thing is wonderfully written.

catvibe said...

You know, sometimes I read a piece and then see that everyone in the comments is talking about how it is their favorite piece, then I read again and get more out of it the second time. But I shouldn't have to, it should hit me hard right off the bat. This one I read and said, here's a winner. This one is in my top 5 (and I'm saying that after commenting on almost all). It just rocks the contest world. Pretty sure your gonna place high Raine. Last time #1(JR) was also in my top 5 and was my personal 2nd choice.

Kartik said...

Wow... the writing was just so unreal. This is easily one of the best pieces I've read.
Though I fear for her Mom's reaction in the near future..

raine said...

Just wanted to leave a parting thank-you to truevoid, Aimee, Janey, Craig, Tara, Leatherdykeuk, pjd, catvibe, and Kartik for also taking the time to leave comments. :)

And to you, Jason & Aine.
This one was amazing.