Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Entry #215

Flight
by Karthik


Valoury, the bird, was flying majestically over the trees, high up in the sky. Even though he was born a bird, he’d never believed he could fly. ‘I don’t think I could fly, mamma,’ he’d confided in his mother when he was little. ‘Remember, son. You are born to fly,’ his mother had said. Those words had instilled the much needed confidence in him. And now, reminiscing that moment, he flew higher.
After flying for another hour, Valoury was tired and decided to rest. He flew down to a house and sat on the compound.

***

Upon seeing the bird, Viplav, who was playing in the veranda, came running to his mother. He looked morose.
“What happened, dear?” his mother asked.
“I can’t fly like a bird, can I, mamma?”
She looked at her five year old son and smiled. Viplav eagerly awaited her response. She gave a peck on his cheek and said simply, “Why not, sweetheart? Of course you can fly. You can become a pilot and fly aeroplanes.”
Viplav widened his eyes and exclaimed, “Really?”
“Yes, my love,” said his mother and kissed him again.

***

Now, Valoury and Viplav were face to face with each other. True to its name, the bird had not flown away in spite of being approached by a human. They looked at each other. They could relate to each other somehow. The bird saw its past in the boy, and the boy saw his future in the bird.

32 comments:

Laurel said...

Delightful universality here. Each understands the other.

Karthik said...

Thanks a lot, Laurel. Appreciate the comment. :-)

Raksha Raman said...

:) Post took me back to my 'Timeless Tales' & 'Aesop's Fables' days. Birds & animals are an integral part of these fables, remember? They still fascinate me for they unfailingly send out a message to the readers just like your story does :) Loved both. Post & message alike.

Tanmaya said...

A very good write up! To be able to convey this message in such few words.... amazing....

Karthik said...

@ Raksha and Tanmaya
Thank you so much, dearies. Glad you liked my little attempt. :-)

Deb Smythe said...

Ah, this had a nice fable-like quality to it.

laughingwolf said...

nicely done, karthik :)

Aniket said...

Loved the ending. Would have preferred the line breaks as Jason had suggested. It would make the piece much more cleaner.

Enjoyed this read a lot.

yamini said...

Good work Karthik.... :)
I kinda started with an feeling that this was similar to jonathan livingstone seagull...
But i loved the reality essayed beautifully...

Karthik said...

@ Deb
Thank you.

@ laughingwolf
Thanks a lot. :-) By the way, the wolf in the picture don't seem to be laughing. :P

@ Aniket
Thank you so much, Aniket. Well, I found out about this blog and contest only a few hours before the deadline. I wrote something in a hurry and sent it without further thought. So didn't go through the rules and the note regarding formatting. I shall certainly take care of this next time.
Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks again.

@ Yamini
Thank you very much, Yamini.
I expected this. :-) But really, Johanthan Livingston didn't even cross my mind while writing this.
Glad you liked it. Coming from a wonderful writer like yourself, it means a lot to me.

Aerin said...



Caveat

Something I Would Keep

LOVE the interaction between mothers and sons - so, so endearing. Quite charming.

Something I Might Tweak

I wouldn't put "the bird" after "Valoury" in the first line. You use "bird" soon in the second line, and the first sentence flows fine without it.

Karthik said...

@ Aerin
Oh, you are absolutely right. That's a mistake. Thank you so much for pointing it out. :-)

Preeti said...

Very sweetly written. I loved it because there is hope and there is a sense of positivity throughout the narrative.

Simplicity is so beautiful.

James R. Tomlinson said...

I'm reminded of Jonathan Livingston Seagull (no pun intended). Very inspirational piece. It's nice to get away from the darkside once in awhile.

Karthik said...

@ Preeti
Thank you so much, Preeti. You are spot on! That's what I wanted to show - there is always a hope, no matter what. The original title of this story was "Hope."
I'm glad you liked it. :-)

@ James
Like countless people across the world, even I've been influenced by Jonathan Livingston Seagull. It's only obvious that it reflects in this story.
Thank you so much, James. Appreciate the comment. :-)

Aerin said...

LOL Karthik! It's not a mistake! I just couldn't find anything else that I would change so I nitpicked :)

truevoid said...

good job there!

Aimee Laine said...

Always good to have someone that understands!

Karthik said...

@ Aerin
Haha.. ;-) Well, it's not a mistake, technically speaking, but that extra word could've been avoided.
Visit my blog sometime, Aerin. Would love to know what you think of my writing. :-)

@ truevoid
Thank you so much! :-)

@ Aimee
Absolutely! It's always good to have someone that understands. Hope you liked my little attempt. :-)

JaneyV said...

Karthik - this is a lovely gentle piece of writing. The mother/son dynamic is gorgeous as it the way you have woven their stories together.

Sweet.

Craig said...

One of the best closing lines in the competition.

Karthik said...

@ Janey
Thanks a million, Janey. That was a great compliment. I'm glad you liked it. :-)

@ Craig
Thank you so much, Craig. You made my day. :-)

Sundeep said...

such a commendable msg said in so simple a manner.. in few hrs u managed this.. am sure u couldn't have done it any better had it been a day! sometimes shorter time brings out the best :) i liked the "mamma" part :) so innocent and such an apt reply..

Tara said...

Light and sweet. Just great :)

Leatherdykeuk said...

how super!

Karthik said...

@ Sundeep
Hey thanks a lot, man. I'm glad you liked it. :-)

@ Tara
Thank you! :-)

@ Leatherdykeuk
Thank you!

pjd said...

Charming allegory. Well done.

Karthik said...

@ pjd
Thank you so much, sir. :-)

Aniket said...

Then I'm just super glad that you made it in time. ;)

Hope you had a great time participating. I've learnt a lot from the past 3 contests at Clarity of Night. No where else I've found such a great atmosphere.

catvibe said...

Really nice job here! I must admit that I had a moment there where I thought things might go wrong somehow, but instead it was a perfect ending. And sweet. Just lovely. And thank you also for commenting on my piece (#14).

Kartik said...

Kartik calling Karthik :P (No I'm not gonna get tired of that for a long time!)
Yes, both of them just needed the hope to take flight :) Nice writing!

Karthik said...

@ Aniket
Oh, yes, man. I had a great time participating. All the best for you! :-)

@ catvibe
Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it. And I'm sorry to say I haven't commented on your blog (yet). That's a different person. :P

@ Kartik
Ha ha.. :P Yeah, right. Kartik calling Karthik. Feels good.
And thank you so much. Glad you liked it. :-)