Raven
by Carla Wert
Raven,
in the winter I heard your harsh call,
and so I fed you corn;
You filled the empty cup
with stones of
early morn..
O, we traded corn for stones,
‘til the winter days did stray;
And, when the days were empty,
you never went away.
Yet, I wondered who I was,
as snow
spilled into streams;
You lived amongst my days,
and soared in silence
through my dreams..
Flying amongst the branches,
you touched
a place in me;
You were my only friend,
whilst love, my enemy.
Yes, the past was yet to be,
and my soul lingered
amid the mists of time;
You swooped down
and scooped it up,
so sublime.
O trickster of all men,
creator of new souls;
You, yes you,
O Raven,
for you,
the bell still tolls.
Raven,
in the winter I heard your harsh call,
and so I fed you corn;
You filled the empty cup
and a life in me
is born.
(Carla Wert is a lover of poetry and words that sing to her senses. She is 69-years-old, approaching 70 this coming summer and find contentment in painting word pictures. She is also an artist.)
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19 comments:
Starkly elegant lines.
I think the first half is the best.
Brilliantly written! The rhythm, though subtle, is outstanding. And the rhyme works just perfectly.
Nevine
This is wonderful read and even better read aloud.
Subtle and evocative.
She is master in poetry. Look at her usage of words and placing of them perfectly at the right places..
All the best :)
Cheers
Mahesh
Beautifully written!
Jean Ann
I loved singing it out loud. Beautiful.
My fav. line was:
"You were my only friend,
whilst love, my enemy."
Wow!
You must visit my friend Joaquin at http://lyricsandmaladies.blogspot.com/2010/01/red-herring-orange-county.html
You both have similar styles and he too is very, very good at poetry!
very well done, carla :)
fricken brilliant and gorgeous. You're on my favorite's list
Caveat
Something I Would Keep
"soared in silence through my dreams" - gorgeous
Something I Might Tweak
include more of the wonderful specific detail from the first half in the second half
I loved this for the rhythm and the simple sentiment. The expression of the sentiment is even more lovely.
:-)
I enjoyed the sentiment of this piece, except for this line: "the bell still tolls." I found it somewhat distracting. Other than that, you've told a nice story.
Beautiful rhythm. And I love the last line.
Carla - simple but supremely well-crafted.
I liked your connection between the begining and the end.
Wow, beautiful.
oh! nicely done!
Like Bernita and Aerin, I really like the first half with its detail and plot. For me, the second half was weaker because it strayed into more abstract explanation--the swooping down and scooping up of the soul, the trickster of all men, the bell still tolling, the life born. (OK, that last bit is pretty important and maybe should stay in.) The first half shows all the emotion and symbolism through action and concrete detail--trading corn for stones--beautiful!
This is lovely.
Beautiful, haunting, sad. I really enjoyed the song like feeling of this. It felt to me like there was a slight glitch in the rhythm here:
Yes, the past was yet to be,
and my soul lingered
amid the mists of time;
It could have been the way I was reading it, or perhaps it needs a wee tweak. But otherwise, flawless to me. Loved it.
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