The Silhouette
by Krunal Palande
I can see now, with my eyes shut, the silhouette. That bird circling, getting ready. My view isn’t clear enough but I could still see its contours, I could still see inside that dark silhouette, the pounding heart, afraid of me. But there’s nothing to be afraid of, I won’t harm you, I can’t. I am just lying here waiting on this tower of silence, waiting to be set free.
They could’ve cremated or buried me somewhere but they consider the fire and earth too sacred to be contaminated by me, defiled by me. So rather than being disposed I lie here, exposed to the birds of prey.
The sun is getting hotter but it scorches me no more. The wind blows harder yet the circling flight persists. ‘Come and set me free’ I holler but it doesn’t listen, it just keeps circling.
--
I can see you oh! Zoroastrian lying there lifeless, waiting to be set free. But you’ll have to wait, for I am gathering strength. Yes my heart is pounding and I am afraid but only because I fear I might harm you. Just let me assure myself that you are alright, just a little while my friend and I’ll be there to pick your flesh, to set you free.
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Listening for the words in a quiet corner of the night. The fiction, poetry, and photography of Jason Evans.
About Me
- Aine
- Collaborator and night owl.
Past Contests
- "Elemental" Short Fiction Contest
- "Uncovered" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silhouette" Short Fiction Contest
- "In Vino Veritas" Short Fiction Contest
- "Ascension" Short Fiction Contest
- "Running Wind" Short Fiction Contest
- "Whispers" Short Fiction Contest
- "Restless Dawn" Short Fiction Contest
- "Halo" Short Fiction Contest
- "Endless Hour" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silent Grey" Short Fiction Contest
- "Lonely Moon" Short Fiction Contest (with Anne Frasier)
- "Midnight Road" Short Fiction Contest
- "Two Lights" Short Fiction Contest
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25 comments:
It is an interesting idea to show 2 points of view here. Wish though it could be a little bit longer. But rules are rules. Well done!
Very well written! And I echo Lena about the points of view.
Nevine
Multiple POVs and time-shifts are considered death-traps for short fiction. Or so I've been told.
Congratulations for safely coming out of it, and showing me how its supposed to be done.
Superb.
a real sense of proud frustration comes through here. the stream of consciousness is well executed.
Nicely woven.
Love the shifting POV. Well done.
I see this as a tale of faith vindicated. Those in power kill and revile the infidel, but it's the infidel that holds the truth. Interesting.
(my word verification is misms. very interesting.)
I liked the sense of patience slowly crumbling away in this piece.
As you fade away, you only see the silhouettes .. nicely done!
it's great to see two points of views with one goal in mind... an interesting take.
I've just been off on a learning journey to find out about the Zorastrian faith and I see that ritual exposure is the way they liked to do it until poisoning killed the majority of the vultures.
I love the duality of the prey and the predator speaking. Both soothing the other. Both understanding that this is symbiosis. Very good.
I think I'll be the bird....;-)
That was realy good old bean. Like Aniket said....hard to do that in 250 words....you managed it.
Excellent stuff!!!
The shifting POV is what makes this story.
Well done.
Excellent writing. Great job on the POV switch.
.. death is like a game to be played with over and over again. nice read.
very well done, krunal :)
Enjoyed both parts of what seemed to me as a respectful ritualistic pact.
I liked the first part, before the pov switch. Maybe build that up.
Cool perspectives here. The prey is not the victim but more a partner, like they are waiting for the same thing.
I also like the POV change from looking up to looking down.
Good take.
Very cool! I like the part from the bird's POV. Hee hee. :-)
nicely done split...
very cleverly written. juxtaposing two POVs!
I'm not sure the dual POV's work in tandem. I'd like to know how that first person died, and perhaps the other person's thoughts regarding the death.
A dead guy and a bird, good stuff. It's not often that we get two cool POV's in one flash piece.
Thank you all for you comments
James : The guy is already dead when the story begins, he is actually lying on 'the Tower of Silence' (the final resting place of Zoroastrians. In the Zoroastrian faith the bodies of dead are placed atop the tower of silence and so exposed to the birds of prey. The reason given for this practice is that earth, fire and water are all considered as sacred elements, which should not be defiled by the dead.)
The first POV is of the dead guy asking the bird to set him free by picking his flesh while the second POV is of the bird itself waiting for the same thing.
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