Thursday, January 07, 2010

Entry #26

The Silhouette
by Krunal Palande


I can see now, with my eyes shut, the silhouette. That bird circling, getting ready. My view isn’t clear enough but I could still see its contours, I could still see inside that dark silhouette, the pounding heart, afraid of me. But there’s nothing to be afraid of, I won’t harm you, I can’t. I am just lying here waiting on this tower of silence, waiting to be set free.

They could’ve cremated or buried me somewhere but they consider the fire and earth too sacred to be contaminated by me, defiled by me. So rather than being disposed I lie here, exposed to the birds of prey.

The sun is getting hotter but it scorches me no more. The wind blows harder yet the circling flight persists. ‘Come and set me free’ I holler but it doesn’t listen, it just keeps circling.

--

I can see you oh! Zoroastrian lying there lifeless, waiting to be set free. But you’ll have to wait, for I am gathering strength. Yes my heart is pounding and I am afraid but only because I fear I might harm you. Just let me assure myself that you are alright, just a little while my friend and I’ll be there to pick your flesh, to set you free.

26 comments:

Lena said...

It is an interesting idea to show 2 points of view here. Wish though it could be a little bit longer. But rules are rules. Well done!

Nevine said...

Very well written! And I echo Lena about the points of view.

Nevine

Aniket said...

Multiple POVs and time-shifts are considered death-traps for short fiction. Or so I've been told.

Congratulations for safely coming out of it, and showing me how its supposed to be done.

Superb.

Jared Culpepper said...

a real sense of proud frustration comes through here. the stream of consciousness is well executed.

Leatherdykeuk said...

Nicely woven.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Love the shifting POV. Well done.

pjd said...

I see this as a tale of faith vindicated. Those in power kill and revile the infidel, but it's the infidel that holds the truth. Interesting.

(my word verification is misms. very interesting.)

Craig said...

I liked the sense of patience slowly crumbling away in this piece.

Kartik said...

As you fade away, you only see the silhouettes .. nicely done!

SzélsőFa said...

it's great to see two points of views with one goal in mind... an interesting take.

JaneyV said...

I've just been off on a learning journey to find out about the Zorastrian faith and I see that ritual exposure is the way they liked to do it until poisoning killed the majority of the vultures.

I love the duality of the prey and the predator speaking. Both soothing the other. Both understanding that this is symbiosis. Very good.

Four Dinners said...

I think I'll be the bird....;-)

That was realy good old bean. Like Aniket said....hard to do that in 250 words....you managed it.

Excellent stuff!!!

Terri said...

The shifting POV is what makes this story.
Well done.

Tara said...

Excellent writing. Great job on the POV switch.

Amias said...

.. death is like a game to be played with over and over again. nice read.

laughingwolf said...

very well done, krunal :)

kashers said...

Enjoyed both parts of what seemed to me as a respectful ritualistic pact.

austere said...

I liked the first part, before the pov switch. Maybe build that up.

Laurel said...

Cool perspectives here. The prey is not the victim but more a partner, like they are waiting for the same thing.

I also like the POV change from looking up to looking down.

Good take.

catvibe said...

Very cool! I like the part from the bird's POV. Hee hee. :-)

anks said...

nicely done split...

truevoid said...

very cleverly written. juxtaposing two POVs!

james r tomlinson said...

I'm not sure the dual POV's work in tandem. I'd like to know how that first person died, and perhaps the other person's thoughts regarding the death.

Deb Smythe said...

A dead guy and a bird, good stuff. It's not often that we get two cool POV's in one flash piece.

Krunal Palande said...

Thank you all for you comments

James : The guy is already dead when the story begins, he is actually lying on 'the Tower of Silence' (the final resting place of Zoroastrians. In the Zoroastrian faith the bodies of dead are placed atop the tower of silence and so exposed to the birds of prey. The reason given for this practice is that earth, fire and water are all considered as sacred elements, which should not be defiled by the dead.)
The first POV is of the dead guy asking the bird to set him free by picking his flesh while the second POV is of the bird itself waiting for the same thing.

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Cheers,
Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the new Starbucks paninis or the people over 35 who are exclusively on MySpace