Thursday, January 07, 2010

Entry #31

The Crow & the Raven
by Meghan Sullivan


“A crow. How funny.”

“I don’t think that was a crow.”

“Do you know the story of the White Crow, Phoenix?" Robin's black eyes were small and beady and full of anger.

“There are white crows?”

“A snow-white crow was left by the god Apollo to watch over his love, Coronis. But she cheated on him. Betrayed him. He could never forgive her. Never! So you know what he did? He turned the crow black.”

“What did the crow have to do with it?”

“Did you know that a flock of crows is called a murder?" She laughed hoarsely, then reached into her purse. Out came a .44. Where had she gotten that?

"Crows are the spirits of revenge," she hissed at me as she pointed the gun at my forehead. It shook in her hand, the metal softly pulsing in the sun's dying rays. I did the obligatory reach for the sky, and tried to keep my voice reasonable. Calm.

"Robin, it wasn't a crow. Really."

"It doesn’t matter, does it? You'll just come back. That's what the Phoenix does, right? It rises from the ashes.”

“You’re not threatening to burn me, you’re threatening to shoot me.”

“It doesn’t matter. When you come back, we can start again."

An explosion followed, so violent it knocked me on my back. My sight started to fade.

It wasn't a crow, was my last thought. It was a raven.

29 comments:

wrath999 said...

Great tale

Sarah Laurenson said...

Hm. That was chilling.

pjd said...

For some reason, this makes me laugh. Maybe it's the nonchalance with which Phoenix accepts death.

By the way, I love the paradox of a narrator explaining what their last thought was. This was fun to read.

Lena said...

That was greatly told. Loved the last line.

Bernita said...

He's dim and literal to the end and she's metaphorically mad.
No wonder she shot him.

Aniket said...

Loved the story. But, boy oh boy could someone have summed it up better than Bernita. :)

Kartik said...

I loved the dialogues(esp the murder bit!) and the comments as well :)

Chris Eldin said...

LOL @ Bernita's "No wonder she shot him."
Nice story. I enjoyed reading it.

SzélsőFa said...

four birds* mentioned under a word limit of 250 :)
I liked the irony in this piece.
- - -
* raven, crow, phoenix, and why robin of course.

JaneyV said...

I enjoyed this too. Bernita's comment was right on the money I think :0)

Leatherdykeuk said...

Never date someone who talks in trivia!

Good story.

Four Dinners said...

Crows are indeed murder...;-)

This has Mickey Spillane written all over it - and I do mean that as a compliment.

Excellent writing old bean.

Craig said...

Great job in bringing Robin's hysteria out. It contrasts rather nicely with Phoenix's relative calm in a tense situation.

Kate said...

The cracked me up! Great job fitting so much character, plot, originality, and dark humor into the 250.

Roger said...

I loved the twist in the story as she pulled out the 44. If I can make a suggestion, it would have been even better if you made the man more three-dimensional, unless of course you were trying to make him look like a dunce. Nice story!

Amias said...

Doesn't pay to betray a woman.

Aimee Laine said...

Ah to learn the truth!

laughingwolf said...

love that twist...

Tara said...

Oh. I really like this one!

Ayodele Morocco-Clarke said...

Sticking to his 'guns' until the very end...lovely.

kashers said...

And there I was hoping Phoenix was going to be called Batman.

Terri said...

Great dialogue. It's as if she's in a dramatic thriller and he's in a black comedy - makes for a great read... and yes, Bernita, no wonder she shot him!

Laurel said...

I love this:

What did the crow have to do with it?

Classic missing the point. He must be willfully ignorant.

And sure, she's crazier than a three headed cat but it sounds like he had it coming.

catvibe said...

Nevermore! Nice job.

Meghan said...

Thanks to everyone who has commented so far! I know it takes effort to get through all the entries and appreciate it. I also love that a lot of you picked up on the more subtle points. ;)

Keep 'em coming!

james r tomlinson said...

I think something much deeper, much sinister, lead up to the gun incident; I can tell by the tone of their voices, how they interact with one another.

Deb Smythe said...

I like the somewhat disconnected dialogue. It really stresses the idea that the characters are at odds and kind of self-obsessed/centered.

Rabid Fox said...

I like the connection of beginning to end with the mistaken raven. A nice little revenge tale. Good one.

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Cheers,
Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the new Starbucks paninis or the people over 35 who are exclusively on MySpace