Thursday, January 07, 2010

Entry #33

The Dying Prologue
by Preeti Iyer

Why do images seem like a blur when life slowly seeps out of your body? In the end all events, all experiences, everything flashes by. I admit that I have led a shameful life and at this moment in time I find myself apologizing and justifying. Isn’t it strange how you cheat and take everything for granted all your life and when it is time to die you feel remorseful for all the wrongs that you have done? It is almost like your mind is doing your soul a favour by trying to convince it that it’s journey in this lifetime was not in vain.

“Dad, I’m sorry I failed you completely. I know you wanted me to be a teacher. And there I was playing lead guitar in one of the crappiest bands on planet earth. All your friends and their successful sons waved their victories in your face. While you stared vacantly at them.

“Mom, I wish you weren’t so hard-hearted. All I wanted was to be held and listen to all those stories that you chose to tell to your older son.”

“Hey Bro, I was the one who banged your girl and got her pregnant. Sorry man. Had to get back to you for all those years of neglect.”

“Princess, you knew I was cheating on you. Yet you made love with sweet abandon and took care of our child. But did you have to pull the trigger? Couldn’t we have...maybe...talked about it?”

To dust returnest.


Sarah Laurenson said...

Wow. Hard to take. Especially that last part.

Well done - giving us a character who is hard to care about and yet we do care.

pjd said...

Sarah, once again I'm going to disagree with you a little bit... I don't really care about the main character at the end. I think the rest of them should be happy to be rid of him.

I love the paragraph about Princess.

(I hope this isn't autobiographical!)

Aniket said...

Guys are not that forgiving it seems. :)

I'll have to pick Pete's side too. After the way he had lived, Yoda would have made a hole in him with his light-saber too. And Yoda is always right. :D

But in involving us so much to take sides, its a job well done. :)

Lena said...

I would say serves him right, though surely sad that she has to live with the thought of killing someone.
Nicely done. Liked the story.

Bernita said...

Self-serving to the end.
All I could think of was "serves the bastard right."

Kartik said...

I'm siding with the am-glad-he's-gone line of thought. Nice work Preeti!

SzélsőFa said...

*dust* is fitting a synonyme for what this man was. weightless, useless. i wonder if that is what he really was. you know, the "had he been given the chance" -kind of thougths.

Preeti said...

As I read all the comments I was amazed at the thoughts that have been provoked in all of you. And your thoughts are influencing me to re-read the story in new and different lights. Thank you everyone. I truly appreciate it.

I am in two minds about him too. Thank you for reading and liking my story.

It's my favourite too. No. It isn't autobiographical.

Thank you. And I too have noticed the involvements that are happening with the character and the story.

Thank you for liking my story. Yeah. Even I wondered about the girl and wished that i could write maybe 250 words more. But such is life!

He is a bastard. And a liar who's claiming false remorses. So yes...he definitely deserves it.

Thank you, Kartik.

Hmmnn...maybe his mother's neglect made him this way. I really don't know. But yeah...what you said does make me think about it...

JaneyV said...

He blames all those in his life for his own short-comings yet by his own admission he has done nothing to earn their love and respect. Emotive piece Preeti. I can't believe you packed so musch into 250 words. Well done.

Leatherdykeuk said...

Well done!
So difficult to make an undeserving character likeable.

Four Dinners said...

Bloody hell Preeti!!! I nearly had deja vu!!!

That is so well written it hurts.

For talent reasons...and personal...this is in my personal Top 5.

Thank you

(and I got forgiven not shot)...;-)

Craig said...

I really found it interesting that he talks about regret in the first paragraph but then when addressing his family members I doesn't seem that he does regret his actions at all. Good job atgringing the characters self centeredness to the fore.

Chris Eldin said...

Very good writing. What I took from this was a character who is only sorry because now the negative consequences have caught up. Enjoyed the read!

Ilo Veth Epusay said...

Is life imitating art here because this eerily seems like how my life is going to play out and really loved the character can relate to him.

Running In Circles said...

I love how you say so much in so less.
You should do this more.

Amias said...

Another one bites the dust, reaping what he sowed. I like this.

Aimee Laine said...

Sadness in a last thought. Well done!

laughingwolf said...

a just end[ing]...

Ayodele Morocco-Clarke said...

Good riddance to bad rubbish. Nice take Preeti.

kashers said...

Interesting regrets. After an odd introductory line to which I replied, 'Dunno, I haven't died yet,' and the multitude of 'thats', it actually became a good story. Not sure if the guy's genuine about his regrets, but maybe that's the point.

Terri said...

Nice one!
You reveal an extremely believable character in this piece (not necessarily likeable but that's not a requirement). I love it.
It hooked me and kept me reading and got a reaction out of me. A job well done!

Preeti said...

So many of you have read and taken time to comment. I'm honoured. Truly.

Thank you so much for those kind words. :-)

Four Dinners
Heyy...Thank you so much. Im glad you liked it. And even more glad that you didn't get shot!!! :-)))

Thank you, Craig. Very much. He's a weird character isn't he??

Thank you, Chris. I'm glad you liked reading what i've written.

Oh dear. I hope and pray that this is not how your life will turn out to be...

Heyyy... thank you. As you wish, madame. It shalt be done...!!!

Thank you for liking what I've written. Truly appreciate it.

Thank you, Aimee.

Hmmnn... i guess it is.

Haha. Yes it is. Thank you very much, Ayodele.

Honestly, Kashers...i really don't know what's the point. I'm a little confused about my feelings for the character. And thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Appreciate it.

Thank you so much for those kind words, Terri. Truly appreciate it.

austere said...

The story of a life, in less than 250.

No, I didn't quite care for him.

Tessa said...

Preeti, that is masterful! Brilliant construction and pacing - and a really emotive piece judging by your readers' reactions. I, too, feel distain for the narrator, but at the same time there is a sense of sorrow in the futility of blame.

Anonymous said...

I have to say its the exceptional style of writing that I find quite compelling. Great work indeed Preeti. By the way, when's the book going to be out?


Laurel said...

Great biography/character insight in 250 words or less!

I know he's a cad but I feel sorry for him. Well done.

catvibe said...

I like the writing, but not the character. He may be killed off now. Nice job!

madhumita said...

Good riddance to bad rubbish, Preeti! Very nicely done. I too wouldn't have minded pulling the trigger!

Brainblaze said...

Love the opening line!I like the way it flows even though each episode is more ghastly than the previous one. And irrespective of the fact that the end is talking of death, there is a sense of relief in the knowledge that though there might be more ugly secrets, no more such revelations will be made. Very well done.

Tara said...

This has a great voice, maintained throughout. I almost (almost) felt sorry for him. But not quite ;)

Anonymous said...

i liked the strong narrative-tone through out!

Jean Ann Williams said...

This guy is self centered, but I still pity him.

Good job to bring out so many emotions in such a short piece. Great writing, BTW.

Jean Ann

Rabid Fox said...

A bittersweet little tale. At first, it felt a little disjointed, but after reading the whole thing it came together well.

James R. Tomlinson said...

It's interesting how you go from an expository style at the beginning and move to inner-dialogue. I'm a bit more sympathetic of your main character because he is recognizing his screw-ups. I think stylistically, you've done a superb job. As for story (and I'm biased here), I'd prefer some type of interaction with others. --JR

Jane said...

hi preeti, very thought provoking piece, although i'm starting my remorseful stuff early and at last beginning to learn life's lessons before it's too late, either that or i'm on my death bed and don't realise it yet..great character who has layers..great revelation with the final lines too

raine said...

A well-written piece!
The character justifies his actions, but isn't in the least bit sorry he did them--only of the consequence.

Just a thought (and it's just a thought!)...when I read it a second time, I liked it better without the last sentence.

Deb Smythe said...

Self-centered to the end IMO. But whether people sympathize with him or hate him he's an interesting character. Well-drawn.

Anonymous said...

Wow - that ending came out of nowhere. I love how this starts out soft and ends with a slam of the gavel.

Brilliant use of pace!!

Very best of luck to you in the contest, Preeti.

~ Corra McFeydon

Anonymous said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the new Starbucks paninis or the people over 35 who are exclusively on MySpace