Thursday, January 07, 2010

Entry #39

Fear of Flying
by JaneyV


A vulture? Great!

Shoo bird! I may be hanging off the side of a cliff but that does not make me dinner.

Is it wrong to hope to God that nobody saw the undignified way I slipped on my arse and gravel-surfed off the edge? If it wasn’t for these roots I grabbed, I’d be impaled on all those pointy-looking rocks down there. Instead I’m splayed out like some awful crucifixion scene, each hand holding onto a prehistoric looking tendril while my feet balance on the same tiny rock.

I’m stuck here but at least I’m not falling.

Oh. It’s a helicopter.

Rescue.

Shit.


“Hey asshole! Need a lift?”

“No thanks! I’m fine!”

“That’s an interesting response considering your predicament.”

“Seriously Jenny, why don’t you go back up your winchie-thing and fly away.”

“Really? Coz from here, it looks like you’re going to die painfully and alone. Geez Pete. Man up! All I said was I lo…”

“STOP! For pity’s sake I’m losing my footing!”

“Just because you’ve found a comfortable little perch for yourself doesn’t mean I want to hang around on the side of cliff for the rest of my life, going nowhere.”

“You’d seriously leave me?”

“Your choice! Stay in this spot alone waiting for the inevitable pain – or you could come with me on the ride of your life.”

“Helicopters scare me.”

“I’ll wrap my legs and arms around you and keep you safe.”

“What if I fall?”

“You already have.”

Then I’m truly fucked.

42 comments:

Sarah Laurenson said...

Then I’m truly fucked.

Oh yeah. In more ways than one?

Hahaha. Wonderful!

Would love to know more about their history.

Selestial said...

This one made me chuckle. Thanks for sharing :)

Aniket said...

Thank you for making Pete hang in there. Just imagining the scene makes me so much Happy! :D

Not sure how Jenny is so comfy with the rescuing part in a helicopter. Mrs. Smith thingy going on maybe...

Bah. Who cares. I love to see people get fucked.
Erm. That came out wrong.
I love to see them in such a spot. Better. :)

pjd said...

Now THAT is a fear of commitment. I love the Jesus image, and the voice throughout. This doesn't quite measure up to the brilliance of your entry last contest, but it's damned close.

Should I take it personally that you used my name for the chump on the cliff?

Janey dear, don't you ever give up writing completely for the preschool gig. The world would lose a true talent.

Lena said...

Like Sarah I really would love to know more about their story. But I really enjoyed reading this one :)

JaneyV said...

Thanks guys. Glad to have made you smile.

Peter - it's nothing personal. As it happens Peter is one of my names too. It's meaning is 'rock' - something immovable - of course this is supposed to imply stability but it could just as easily be interpreted as stubborn.

I'm always intrigued by commitment-phobes. They seem to view the idea of loving a single person in terms of what they'll lose. I thought it'd be fun to turn all the metaphoric fears (making yourself vulnerable/ trusting one person with everything/ admitting your true feelings/ letting go of the single life …) into a literal scenario.

Scribblers Inc said...

"on the edge" literally! :D
much fun!
also, there is this sense of freedom in the whole thing; and its not a part of the relation between them.its more of a wild abandon...


cheerios
Mithun.

Bernita said...

The title puts it all in perspective.
What wry composure!

Chris Eldin said...

LOL! I love this metaphor! I say, let him fall! Wait, I want some ex to come push him off. Wait, there's more...
heheheeh

Okay, okay. But it's just that this one was a lot of fun!!
:-)

SzélsőFa said...

great flowing and characterization - so much said here with so little told.

Leatherdykeuk said...

pride? oops!

Four Dinners said...

My favourite reads make me laugh out loud.

This did. Excellent - and definitely on my 'readers choice' list!

Good stuff!!!

Preeti said...

HAHAHA...

such a breath of fresh air after some truly intense reading.
LOVED IT.
:-)
:-)

That man sure is something else!!! I mean hanging there like that and such cockiness... :-). last line takes the cake... HAHAHA!!!

Meghan said...

LOL! Great piece. It made me laugh.

Craig said...

Loved it. I'll say this that man sure has poise.

adrienne trafford said...

some nerve he has! this is awesome - i'd love to more about these two...

adrienne trafford said...

love to KNOW more about these two...(sorry about that)

Tessa said...

Shriek! Now that really cracked me up! Not only is the piece very funny...and clever - you've succeeded in every possible way to turn metaphor into a literal setting. Gosh, you are good.

Aimee Laine said...

Can you say parallel? :) Great job!!

Amias said...

These two are an interesting couple, funny and serious at the same time. I enjoyed this, very natural!

Kartik said...

Pride comes before the fall?

laughingwolf said...

lol ...that's just precious, janey ;)

JaneyV said...

Hey folks, thanks for dropping by to have a read. I appreciate all your comments. It's great to be in such great company.

Jane
xxx

kashers said...

Didn't understand why the first part was in italics, but an enjoyable story that raised many a chuckle in this reader along the way.

Terri said...

A 250-word metaphor - wonderful!
The scene really jumps off the, er, page; wonderful writing.

austere said...

And then?

Laurel said...

I LOOOOOOVE this! I am hooting with laughter at that guy's pride. Worried about his dignity, arguing with her over getting his stubborn butt off the cliff.

I am fascinated to see what happens next. Great job!

catvibe said...

Ha ha! Well, I think he should just swallow his pride and go with her, I mean, what has he really got to lose, right? Very funny and fun Janey! It really would be a sucking place to be, stuck on the side of a rock. I loved the title, BTW. Hee hee. Read the book when I was 13. (oops)

Kate said...

This is just so well done. I'll bet this little peice of dialog was a lot harder than it looks.

illyriataylor said...

ahahaha! brilliant

Tara said...

Brilliant! Love all of it, especially the last line!

sylvia said...

Classic Janey! I laughed out loud. :)

truevoid said...

brought smile on my face :)
nice dialogue

James R. Tomlinson said...

Why does this remind me of Janet Evanovich? Got to be careful you don't offend the males here. Shit, who am I kidding?--(Talk about calling the kettle black). Nicely done.

BernardL said...

Very intriguing story and premise, written with humor and skill.

'Instead I’m splayed out like some awful crucifixion scene, each hand holding onto a prehistoric looking tendril while my feet balance on the same tiny rock.'

First class word picture!

McKoala said...

Ha! Love it, Janey. Sardonic humour, great dialogue and a clear picture of a typical male... One of my faves.

Deb Smythe said...

LOL. Loved the humor and the voice. Nice job.

Jane said...

LOL love it..the things blokes will do to get out of committing..i could just picture the scene and the final line is brill well done from one janey to another

janie x

raine said...

Oh, very witty metaphor, lol!
Sharp writing, very well done.
I enjoyed reading this!

Rabid Fox said...

I'm with others in that these could be recurring characters. A nice chemistry and amusing end.

Corra McFeydon said...

Nice pairing of comedy and tension. Reminds me of that movie from the eighties 'Romancing the Stone.' Could be extended into a full story for sure.

Best of luck with this one!

~ Corra McFeydon

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Cheers,
Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like Pete's potential as homsecoming king or McKoala's penchant for sadism