Thursday, January 07, 2010

Entry #38

Silhouette of Freedom
by Lena


Run, Casey, run, she told herself as she headed towards the forest. Just run.

And she did. Ran for her life. For the right to make her own choices.

The somber morning sky was about to break out into a thunderstorm. Occasional lightning flashed here and there. Soon, a loud clap of thunder pealed overhead and the first drops of rain touched her face. Within a minute the rain sheeted down and she was fully soaked.

She did not care.
She did not seek shelter either.
She just ran.

Soon she reached the forest. She heard the rain hurtle through the branches, felt the cold touch of the wet twigs that left scratches on her arms.

She still did not care.

Run, Casey, run.

The rain threshed the tops of the trees. Not a sound reached her ear other than drip-drop of the rain and voices in her head.

You are good for nothing, Casey. Dad’s.

You suck, sis. Brother’s.

College, sweetheart? But isn’t it for smart kids, honey? Mom’s.

Loser. Loser. Loser. Their words echoed in her mind.

And she ran like mad. Getting away. They could not hurt her anymore. She left them behind. As she struggled through the thicket the rain washed her pain away. She felt reborn.

When she reached the forest skirt the rain ended. Sunbeams twinkled on leaves. A smile played on her lips as she noticed a bird ride on the wind high in the sky.

Alone.

Free.

Just as she was now.

36 comments:

Sarah Laurenson said...

Sounds like nearly every teenager's dream - escape from the crap they get at home.

Great piece.

Aniket said...

There have been a one too many suicides in colleges out here due to peer and parental pressure. I'm glad she escaped. :)

Touching tale, Lena. Wouldn't have expected anything less from you. :D

pjd said...

While I sympathize with the MC's plight, I am troubled by the glorification of running away. There is no freedom without sacrifice; there is no independence without responsibility. Her family were idiots, but to be honest, at the end I don't have much hope for her. On the one hand, her family may be right. If so, she's screwed. On the other, she's related to all of them and they're all idiots. Screwed again.

Dunno. I finished reading this with a very strong sense of "be careful what you wish for."

Lena said...

@ Sarah and Aniket: thanks :)
@ pjd: I know what you mean and totally agree. That is why the title of this piece is "Silhouette of Freedom". It is not like she actually will be free. I hope she gets better future than many kids who ran away from home.

Scribblers Inc said...

Very visual...almost makes you run along with her, while scenes from her memory run in "fades" around her head...fun!

Scribblers Inc.

Bernita said...

Poignant...as PJD describes.

wrath999 said...

Very well done

SzélsőFa said...

I was satisfied to read the answer to pjd's comment. running away is not always the solution. it perhaps just a promise, or as you put it much better, a silhouette. nice work, anyway - one can totally feel running sides with her.

Leatherdykeuk said...

love the running, running. I used to do exactly that.

Four Dinners said...

I 'ran' as a teenager. My family were / are idiots - fortunately I was adopted!

I made it.

Hope she does to.

Felt this a wee bit personally.

Loved it lots.

Thank you x

Preeti said...

Hmmnn...i feel sad for the girl. but i am wondering about pjd's comment. then again, a teenager's life is simply complicated.
very well written.

Meghan said...

A very moving piece. She may or may not make it (hope so) but just for that time, she's free.

umesh said...

Nicely written
loved it

JaneyV said...

The impulse to run is very strong when your existence is hellish and you do not yet have the maturily and wisdom to understand all the sense that Peter wrote above. It's during these times of crisis and turmoil that strong and loving guidance is needed. But what do you do when those who should provide it are your tormenters?

I feel for her I really do. I hope that she finds the right kind of guidance so that her freedom doesn't turn into another form of hell.

As you can tell from all these comments, this piece really strikes a chord.

Craig said...

Pretty powerful. I like the sense of possibility at the end.

Chris Eldin said...

I think you captured these emotions perfectly, and I agree with what Sarah said. Sometimes the impulse to leave is too strong, and the dream of relief too close... Yes, this is a lovely piece. I think she'll be better off, if she has a friend to lean on.

Aimee Laine said...

That was fantastic! So much hurt with so much potential! Go Casey! :)

Amias said...

If we can survive the abuse our family inflict on us, we can do anything! This girl will make it, she will excel .. she had the strength to leave abuse behind .. everything after that will be like heaven, even when it's hard. Very good, I love this!

Kartik said...

Someday she'll understand what she was running away from, and that true freedom is often but fleeting. Very poignant!

laughingwolf said...

very nicely done, lena

J. Randick said...

The tangle of emotions is real to so many of the youth who are trying to find themselves. You've depicted that well. Wonderful piece.

J. Randick

kashers said...

A very easy read. And all the better for it. One that has an identifiable beginning, middle and end. An against all odds feel that I really went with. I just hope freedom reaches her expectations.

vivek said...

one could actually visualize her running...
great read lena...
:)

Terri said...

I found myself rooting for her; she believes she deserves better, I can't fault that. Sometimes it's not so much running away as going after something.
I really liked the flow of this story.

austere said...

I hope her return to reality is gentle.

The writing was flawless, very nice.

Laurel said...

Spectacular description of her flight and while I know the odds are against her at least she had the self-respect to run. She knows she deserves better, is better than what she's been given.

The lack of a plan here drives home the immediacy.

Desperate and laced with hope. I like it.

catvibe said...

I liked it a lot Lena. Because I know those voices. And she'll be running for a long time, and after awhile, alone won't feel so good. But she'll fly back and do some repair work once she finds her wings. I think every young person needs an opportunity to establish and believe in themselves, and if it takes getting away for a while, I think that is natural.

Tara said...

I certainly empathized with her situation. Very nice visual to this piece.

Liz said...

I think this was an emotional piece that really a lot of people can relate to. Maybe, you can write more short stories like this and compile it into a book to help both parents and teenagers alike change their attitudes to be nicer to each other. Show both views and possibly interview parents and teenagers to help. No one should endure abuse.

Jean Ann Williams said...

Good job! I was running with her. I would pick this one.

Jean Ann

strugglingwriter said...

Beautiful story. I love how when she was free of the forest, the sun was shining, just as the sun now shone on her now that she was free of her family.

Paul (Entry #7)

BernardL said...

A romp with well chosen words - a streaming dash to a sunlit moment.

james r tomlinson said...

I like the fact that the narrator is running away from those who are closest to her, how their words have driven her to run.

Deb Smythe said...

A very emotional piece. And you really nailed the teenage voice.

Rabid Fox said...

Good pacing in this short tale. I thought it worked pretty good.

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Cheers,
Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the new Starbucks paninis or the people over 35 who are exclusively on MySpace