The Metamorphic Of A Blur
by Amias
When Lidia was younger, she could sense when she wasn’t wanted. Being invisible in such a large family, it was easy to be ignored. Back then, being the baby in the family was somewhat of a burden. She learned very early how to entertain herself to ease the loneliness.
This was Lidia first year in school and she was excited. There would be kids her age, and she was looking forward to making friends. Her mother combed her hair, but it was too short for ribbon. Lidia wound up with a head full of small plaits sticking up like spites. Dressing very carefully in her best hand-me-down dress and a pair of hand-me-down shoes two sizes to big, she hurried to the bus stop. Ignoring the children snickers; bowing her head, Lidia moved to the back of the bus. No one spoke or sat beside her.
It was a foggy morning. The bus moved at a snail’s pace through the wanning whiteness. Her mind shut out everything except an occasional soundless bird gliding through the branches. Like Lidia, this world seemed to be a black and white blur with no defining colors, just ghostly silhouettes seen in the corner of others’ eyes.
She was the last one of the bus; head held high and a smile plastered across her face. After such a long period of being a blur, she eagerly embraced her visibility. Even though everyone was laughing at her, this was indeed the happiest day of her life!
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
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46 comments:
Such emotion in this piece! I enjoyed the tone and the hopeful cheer of the main character.
"her best hand-me-down dress"
There's a world of pathos in that single line.
Makes you want to cry for her. Lovely tale is this.
Lovely and vivid.
She's aware of so much and blissfully ignorant of the unimportant.
A touching portrait indeed
Great interpretation of the picture.
A very touching tale. Makes one deeply feel for her.
Her emotions speak out. Poignant, yet whimsically. Very nice!
After such a long period of being a blur, she eagerly embraced her visibility. Even though everyone was laughing at her, this was indeed the happiest day of her life.
I found this to be very moving. This ending really got to me. Great job.
I loved the way you really got into the head of the child here, bringing out all the things that are important to her.
Uplifting sentiment at the end.
Others are too nice to remark on it, but this has a number of misspellings that distracted me. But it's a good effort and a happy, uplifting tale.
I thank you all for your kindness, and I am very grateful that nothing distracted you from the merits of Lidia's transformation.
Very uplifting .. I can't remember my first day at school .. but I can surely imagine now :)
So very touching. Love the emotions in this one.
there is a great deal of psycological insight to it. for many kids, a bad kind of attention is better than none. I wonder what will happen to her in her later years. 'dressing very carefully in her best hand me down dress' stroke a familiar chord with me...
Very touching piece. I felt for her.
Wonderful piece. I adore that she could see the situation for what it was and still make the best of it. I love Lidia.
She is my hero. I love people who see light in grim situations. Very sweet and nicely written.
A delightful and uplifting tale well told. Brava!
i just want to tap her on the shoulder and go "atta girl!" great take on the mood of the picture.
I found something terribly sad about this. You've done a great job in introducing us to Lidia and making us care about her.
Amias,
You took a blur and gave her a well-defined image with a well of emotions. So deep and at the surface this child shows us a few minutes in her life.
I know Lidia and I know exactly how she feels. Thanks so much for articulating her.
go, lidia :)
Memories of my own "ignored" childhood came back with a whoosh as I read this. Very nicely done.
I feel sad. Despite the ending. Children are so pure and this particular child is special. Lovely writing.
Lovely story. It does need minor editing however.
You could really feel her plight through your words and feel sorry for her.
"Dressing very carefully in her best hand-me-down dress and a pair of hand-me-down shoes two sizes to big, she hurried to the bus stop."
That was my favourite line, it says so much.
Wonderful piece!!
What a sweet, optimistic piece! I want to give Lidia a hug.
Your words took me back a notch. Easy to relate, however, the ill-usage of grammar and misspellings distracted from the story.
very moving story, Lidia is a very vivid character and the reader really feels for her...
alot of spelling errors detracted from this, but overall a nice piece
I love that she's aware of everyone laughing at her, but she's so glad to be around people she doesn't care. What fortitude!
A great character made up of small observations. Your little girl just comes alive off the page. Lovely.
I thank you all, and must confess in my excitement to enter the contest, I sent in my rough draft, and thought to take my medicine like a big girl ... but I was so pissed at myself! That what I get for running instead of walking! Sorry Jason.
I swell!! Lidia is precious!
I remember well the hand me down dress, so poignant.
Dottie :)
Amias: The tone and spirit of this piece come through anyway. Enough to look past a few typos!
Glad you entered and shared this with everyone.
this was a heart breaker....for a little child to go from a blur to visibility as the "amusement" of others. Well, she was a smart little thing, now wasn't she? And that she could bear the insults with cheerfulness, meant she was heads and shoulders above the mob. And it was infinitely better than being a blur. Sad choice, but a wise one beyond her years. Nice work and I'd like to hear more about her.
There seems to be an awkward shift in focus from the first paragraph to the second. I do like your main character though.
Very touching. Love the MC.
you evoked my sympathey for lydia straight off..poignant ending
Dear Entrants #1-105,
I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.
Cheers,
Aerin (#236)
BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the merits of Mafia Wars or whether Katie Holmes should demand a divorce
your story is so tender, so clear that I could feel Lidia's heart inside my own.
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