Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Entry #4

The Metamorphic Of A Blur
by Amias


When Lidia was younger, she could sense when she wasn’t wanted. Being invisible in such a large family, it was easy to be ignored. Back then, being the baby in the family was somewhat of a burden. She learned very early how to entertain herself to ease the loneliness.

This was Lidia first year in school and she was excited. There would be kids her age, and she was looking forward to making friends. Her mother combed her hair, but it was too short for ribbon. Lidia wound up with a head full of small plaits sticking up like spites. Dressing very carefully in her best hand-me-down dress and a pair of hand-me-down shoes two sizes to big, she hurried to the bus stop. Ignoring the children snickers; bowing her head, Lidia moved to the back of the bus. No one spoke or sat beside her.

It was a foggy morning. The bus moved at a snail’s pace through the wanning whiteness. Her mind shut out everything except an occasional soundless bird gliding through the branches. Like Lidia, this world seemed to be a black and white blur with no defining colors, just ghostly silhouettes seen in the corner of others’ eyes.

She was the last one of the bus; head held high and a smile plastered across her face. After such a long period of being a blur, she eagerly embraced her visibility. Even though everyone was laughing at her, this was indeed the happiest day of her life!

46 comments:

Chris Eldin said...

Such emotion in this piece! I enjoyed the tone and the hopeful cheer of the main character.

Bernita said...

"her best hand-me-down dress"
There's a world of pathos in that single line.

Four Dinners said...

Makes you want to cry for her. Lovely tale is this.

Paul D. Brazill said...

Lovely and vivid.

Missy said...

She's aware of so much and blissfully ignorant of the unimportant.

Leatherdykeuk said...

A touching portrait indeed

Sarah Laurenson said...

Great interpretation of the picture.

Aniket said...

A very touching tale. Makes one deeply feel for her.

Michelle H. said...

Her emotions speak out. Poignant, yet whimsically. Very nice!

Meghan said...

After such a long period of being a blur, she eagerly embraced her visibility. Even though everyone was laughing at her, this was indeed the happiest day of her life.

I found this to be very moving. This ending really got to me. Great job.

Craig said...

I loved the way you really got into the head of the child here, bringing out all the things that are important to her.

pjd said...

Uplifting sentiment at the end.

Others are too nice to remark on it, but this has a number of misspellings that distracted me. But it's a good effort and a happy, uplifting tale.

Amias said...

I thank you all for your kindness, and I am very grateful that nothing distracted you from the merits of Lidia's transformation.

Kartik said...

Very uplifting .. I can't remember my first day at school .. but I can surely imagine now :)

Lena said...

So very touching. Love the emotions in this one.

SzélsőFa said...

there is a great deal of psycological insight to it. for many kids, a bad kind of attention is better than none. I wonder what will happen to her in her later years. 'dressing very carefully in her best hand me down dress' stroke a familiar chord with me...

Tara said...

Very touching piece. I felt for her.

JaneyV said...

Wonderful piece. I adore that she could see the situation for what it was and still make the best of it. I love Lidia.

catvibe said...

She is my hero. I love people who see light in grim situations. Very sweet and nicely written.

Tessa said...

A delightful and uplifting tale well told. Brava!

Jared Culpepper said...

i just want to tap her on the shoulder and go "atta girl!" great take on the mood of the picture.

Terri said...

I found something terribly sad about this. You've done a great job in introducing us to Lidia and making us care about her.

Maggie said...

Amias,
You took a blur and gave her a well-defined image with a well of emotions. So deep and at the surface this child shows us a few minutes in her life.

PEOPLE, PLACES, VOICES, FACES... said...

I know Lidia and I know exactly how she feels. Thanks so much for articulating her.

laughingwolf said...

go, lidia :)

MRMacrum said...

Memories of my own "ignored" childhood came back with a whoosh as I read this. Very nicely done.

Preeti said...

I feel sad. Despite the ending. Children are so pure and this particular child is special. Lovely writing.

Ayodele Morocco-Clarke said...

Lovely story. It does need minor editing however.

Lee Hughes said...

You could really feel her plight through your words and feel sorry for her.

"Dressing very carefully in her best hand-me-down dress and a pair of hand-me-down shoes two sizes to big, she hurried to the bus stop."

That was my favourite line, it says so much.

rdl said...

Wonderful piece!!

Laurel said...

What a sweet, optimistic piece! I want to give Lidia a hug.

Enchanted said...

Your words took me back a notch. Easy to relate, however, the ill-usage of grammar and misspellings distracted from the story.

Crafty Green Poet said...

very moving story, Lidia is a very vivid character and the reader really feels for her...

illyriataylor said...

alot of spelling errors detracted from this, but overall a nice piece

stacy said...

I love that she's aware of everyone laughing at her, but she's so glad to be around people she doesn't care. What fortitude!

Katherine Tomlinson said...

A great character made up of small observations. Your little girl just comes alive off the page. Lovely.

Amias said...

I thank you all, and must confess in my excitement to enter the contest, I sent in my rough draft, and thought to take my medicine like a big girl ... but I was so pissed at myself! That what I get for running instead of walking! Sorry Jason.

Stephanie Green said...

I swell!! Lidia is precious!

My Blog 2.0 (Dottie) said...

I remember well the hand me down dress, so poignant.

Dottie :)

Laurel said...

Amias: The tone and spirit of this piece come through anyway. Enough to look past a few typos!

Glad you entered and shared this with everyone.

Harper said...

this was a heart breaker....for a little child to go from a blur to visibility as the "amusement" of others. Well, she was a smart little thing, now wasn't she? And that she could bear the insults with cheerfulness, meant she was heads and shoulders above the mob. And it was infinitely better than being a blur. Sad choice, but a wise one beyond her years. Nice work and I'd like to hear more about her.

james r tomlinson said...

There seems to be an awkward shift in focus from the first paragraph to the second. I do like your main character though.

Deb Smythe said...

Very touching. Love the MC.

Jane said...

you evoked my sympathey for lydia straight off..poignant ending

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Cheers,
Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like the merits of Mafia Wars or whether Katie Holmes should demand a divorce

Tammie Lee said...

your story is so tender, so clear that I could feel Lidia's heart inside my own.