Saturday, January 09, 2010

Entry #80

Malcolm And The Eagle
by Scott from Oregon


It was always in plain sight, like a nagging reminder, but far too out of reach.

It was mostly visible at all times to Malcolm, but its edges blurred as it soared past.

When it cried, it cried for its lost and simple innocence while it left the bluer, open skies to other, far freer birds.

Though no longer leather-bound, this bird’s and Malcolm’s fate had become intertwined by an evil act and were no longer separate fates.

Malcolm knew how to stop it, but to stop it was to kill it.

The bird taunted Malcolm, always soaring by in a whirr of disturbed air and steady feathers.

It dove at Malcolm’s head and ripped out talons-full of hair.

Here, beneath these trees, Malcolm fought the eagle with his only advantage- his sentient mind.

The oak canopy was like an invisible sky fence.

Years of training had taught the eagle to soar beneath its entangled limbs.

The squirrels were never in the sky but beneath the canopy.

Squirrel meat could be cooked in a blackened kettle and consumed heartily in a fine stew.

Malcolm was helpless to slow the bird or return the bird to its leathers and perch.

This bird had tasted the meat of his sister. It had consumed a finger and had ripped at one of her exposed nipples.

This bird had tasted of what Malcolm had become capable of.

It could not leave Malcolm now, nor ever leave Malcolm alone again.

23 comments:

onipar... said...

Ooh, viscous. :-)

The formatting (one sentence paragraphs) was an interesting approach. Nice work.

Aniket said...

Now this surely leaves Malcolm in the middle...

Sorry, couldn't resist making the pun. :D

Unique tale and a very good write-up.

pjd said...

This seems pretty brutal to me. Part of the reason is the direct, choppy way you've told it, almost with the rhythm of the eagle flying by, over and over.

Leah said...

This makes me think of some kind of obsession to the death. And I feel sorry for the bird--the third line makes me feel really sad. I like that it makes me wonder, and the rhythm of it--the way it's written with each line a paragraph--gives it an intensity like a drum pounding.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Intense. And an interesting style in the format which lends itself well to the story.

Craig said...

Delightfully twisted.

JaneyV said...

Stark and bleak telling of the viscious interplay of the enslaver and the freed.

Bernita said...

Eagle of death.
Death itself forms bonds that rip and tear at our minds, and never, ever go away.

Lena said...

Interesting read. And really good writing!

catvibe said...

Eerie, diabolical and epic. I can imagine the two of them at each other for an eternity.

Preeti said...

:-(
To fight alone. To try and be brave at the face of death. To have lost a loved one and yet have the will to survive...till eternity if need be.
Malcolm, for me, will be one of the most memorable characters in this contest. And I know he will live to tell the tale.

Very very nicely written. Loved it thoroughly.

Nevine said...

Very very dark. And I really like how every paragraph captured one thought... small and compact. Nice!

Nevine

Kate said...

Hoo boy is that disturbing. The eagle ate Malcolm's sin and became his guilt. Well done.

laughingwolf said...

nasty, but well wrought...

angel said...

Dsisturbing little twist at the end there. Nicely done

Laurel said...

Ewww. I couldn't figure out what had gone wrong in the wonderful world of falconry until the end there. Ick.

I do not like Malcolm. At all.

Four Dinners said...

Nasty!!!!

Very well written and thought out but...

Nasty!

Well done old bean

Patsy said...

Creepy!

I found the formatting a bit off putting as it made the story see rather disjointed - but maybe that was deliberate.

Deb Smythe said...

Chilling.

Chris Eldin said...

A creepy tale indeed...

james r tomlinson said...

Good God!--What happened to Malcolm's sister? I want to know more!

SzélsőFa said...

there, there, what james r tomlinson's just said.

somehow i think this eagle and Malcolm are just two faces of one evil character. or Malcom was a shifter. anyway, great job.

Aerin said...

Dear Entrants #1-105,

I have read your pieces so that I can fairly participate in the Readers' Choice vote. (I read all of them through last week, before I started commenting.) I will be coming back around to offer my keep/tweak comment, but I didn't want anyone to snark.

Cheers,
Aerin (#236)

BTW, it's perfectly fine if you still want to snark, but this way you can choose a more appropriate subject, like Sarah Palin's hair or the enigmatic career of Justin Timberlake.