Entry #98

Solitary Soldier
by Charmaine Peterson


I had a dream.

Nightmare really. I dreamt you were dead. You are dead, but I prefer to think of it as a dream.

I know…it’s a terrible thing to confess.

In my dream, one of your kids called me. I showed up at the funeral. I felt out of place and stood in the back. I didn’t wear black. I cried, quietly. I didn’t want anyone to know I was there.

I know you think I’m stupid. If you’re ever in the hospital in real life, you’ll appreciate this stupid Molecular Biology drop out. Test me. No don’t…

Then there was a procession. People walked by the casket. Open casket. We stood in line.

When I reached you, I climbed into the casket.

I had to. I grabbed your arms and tried to make them go around me. They were flat and lifeless.

Someone screamed.

Why didn’t anyone tell me you were sick? I could have saved you.

Now I’m a solitary soldier, flying alone in the sky. My world has become black and white. There are no colors.

Not anymore.