Thursday, July 22, 2010

Forties Club Finalist #21

Eureka
by Lisa Gail Green


Sarah saw it first. So, she very deftly led the others away, being sure to make eye-contact with me so I’d understand. Inside, I whooped for joy, outside I nodded almost imperceptibly and made my way up the desert trail.

Hiking through the canyon was nothing new to us. Our father trained us from the moment we were born. It figured. The one time we came just for fun with our friends, was when we’d find what we’d been searching for, for more than a decade.

The offshoot was nearly invisible to the naked eye. But I made my way forward easily and it was unmistakable. A nest of what looked like three precious gems, sparkling like beacons in the sunlight. But these were no diamond, ruby and emerald. They were far more precious than that.

Glancing around to make sure the mother was absent, I leaned over and, using a stick, swept the precious cargo into my satchel. Sure, it looked like a normal pack, but inside it was insulated enough to maintain their two hundred degree temperature for several hours. Enough to get them back to Dad and the rest of the hunters.

“Hey guys, I’m so done here. It’s way too hot for this. Come on, Sarah,” I said.

Ten minutes later we were hiking up the path to our jeep, squealing in our headiness of accomplishing the impossible. I mean, how often do you find an unguarded Dragon’s egg in the United States? Let alone three.

24 comments:

Julie Musil said...

Love, love, love this! Go Lisa!

pegjet said...

This was well done. Perfect displays of emotions, and loved the "... insulated enough to maintain their two hundred degree temperature for several hours." Small detail, but one that makes the story real.

Jade L Blackwater said...

Really cool - naturally dragon eggs would hold the fire of gemstones. Great story!

cleemckenzie said...

Great idea. Great story. Love the idea of dragons.

Aimee Laine said...

I was thinking dragon. :) Nice job!

Oddyoddyo13 said...

This one was so awesome-amazing what can happen when you don't actually look for something.

Peter Dudley said...

I too like the fact that they found it when they weren't looking, but they were prepared anyway.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Aptly titled piece. The pacing was consistent throughout. Original too.

Katherine Tomlinson said...

And what happens next???

Aniket said...

The writing world can never have enough of Dragons. Thats my stand. I love everything about them, such as this piece.

Michael Morse said...

Very enjoyable read! I easily found myself right there with them.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Love the voice and the flow. And being a collector of dragons, the subject matter is spot on.

Great name for your character, too.

;-)

jelismorgan said...

Dragons! There's just not enough of them. I loved your story.

Jodi MacArthur said...

Woohoo, Lisa! Good to see you here. I love how the "gems" sparkled like beacons in the sunlight. What a gorgeous vision, and great foreshadowing of whether they will be good or evil. Dragons in the US of A? I suppose we needed something to fend off these zombie apocalypse. (Teasing). Great work, girl!

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Hi Lisa!

Nicely done, I didn't expect Dragons. I'd like to read more of this story.

Dottie :)

fairyhedgehog said...

I really liked this. It felt unforced and I enjoyed the story.

McKoala said...

A neat look into the future; and a neat story too.

Deb Smythe said...

Great job of pacing. Loved the ending. I wasn't expecting dragon eggs!

Nice job.

Joni said...

I love the jewels-as-eggs idea.

Move over goose, layer of golden eggs. The dragon's in town.

Nice piece of writing.

JaneyV said...

This piece flowed beautifully and was a pleasure to read. I guessed dragons at the jewels in the nest bit but then again I am very partial to a dragon story.

Laurel said...

That was an Oliver Twist. As in "Please, sir, may I have some more?"

Love the dragon eggs, love that they've always been seeking and stumble across them now.

And the temperature detail is a nice little insert to lend authority to the alternate reality.

Vincent Kale said...

As soon as I saw the "200 degrees" I knew it was dragon eggs and I got way too excited!

I love your casual pacing and voice in this piece. It's as if your characters were like, "Oh, sweet, it's those dragon eggs we've been looking for."

I, too, want to know what happens next. Because mama is gonna be pissed when she gets back to her nest.

Great job!

bekbek said...

A lot of my favorite stories here are those that work in and of themselves, short stories full of richness but not asking for more. This... isn't one of them, and I love it.

I think it's perfect as it is, but I also love that I want to see the rest of the world it is set in! This could definitely be part of a larger work.

Nicely done.

Michelle Davidson Argyle said...

OH! The end really makes this piece shine! I'd love to read more of the story if there was any. So much possibility. :)