Friday, July 23, 2010

Forties Club Finalist #31

The Wish
by Aaron M. Wilson


“Told you.” Victor tried to hand over the geocache to Carmella. His hands were stained back from digging the muddy soil. He wished Carmella enjoyed discovering the trinkets people left behind. He, at least, pretended to enjoy ballet. Honestly, he did enjoy watching her stretch and dance, but the men she danced with turned their noses up at his beard and soft, skinny build.

Carmella waved in a shooing, dismissing gesture. “Yes. I can see.” She turned her back to Victor. “You found it. Can we go home?”

Victor crouched down over the cache’s hole. He replaced trinkets and took a picture with his phone, so he could tweet his find. However, as he started to push the dirt over the trinkets, the sun caught something blinding Victor for a second.

“What now?” asked Carmella, hands planted on her slender hips. “We are so not looking for another one today.”

Victor slowly dug at the side of wall of the cache. His fingers found several hard, smooth objects. He cleaned the largest of the stones on his jeans, a red crystal the size of a large chicken egg. Carmella still had her back to him. He knew she hated watching him “play in the mud.” Victor quickly pocketed all of the stones except the red crystal he’d cleaned. Holding it tightly in his right hand, he made a wish.

On their way home, Carmella kissed Victor on the cheek. “I think we have time for one more, don’t you.”

21 comments:

Peter Dudley said...

Interesting. How did he know the red one would grant a wish?

If he were less selfish and truly loved her, he would have wished that he actually liked ballet.

There are many wishes that men make that would result in a woman saying, "I think we have time for one more." I suspect that Geocaching is not at the top of the list.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Haha, talk about luck.

Aaron M. Wilson said...

This great! I'm glad to be part of the 40's club.

I agree - it would have been less selfish if he had wished to like ballet. Nice. Perhaps in a revision.

Jade L Blackwater said...

I like the possibilities of this story. I imagine an alternate longer-version discussing where/how he discovered those particular coordinates, and what Victor and Carmella find at the next site they visit...

JR's Thumbprints said...

I like stories that incorporate current trends. As for knowing to "wish" after finding the red egg, perhaps a hint toward the significance of its color would've tied it in. Still, a nice portrayal of the give and take relationship of couples.

September said...

Sweet and selfish! Very cleerly done. You put so much into such few words - popular tweeting, the opposites-attract theory, and that ending - haha. What a selfish guy.
I think you did great with this little story.

Aaron M. Wilson said...

Wow! This a wonderful community of readers. Thank you for the comments.

Aaron M. Wilson said...

September and JR - Thank you for reading seeing soething that you like in my story.

Aniket said...

JR said all I wanted to say. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you.

Shona Snowden said...

Geocache-ing - nice scenario. Not quite sure about the red crystal magic with no apparent reason, but liked the turn around that resulted!

Lee said...

There's a cache hidden outside my store and it's not uncommon for me to arrive early for work and find some random couple patroling my parking lot.

This story makes me want to see what they're hiding out there. Good job.!

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Hi Aaron!

I guess his wish came true, but I would have wished she'd come to enjoy playing in the mud with him. Why just wish for the day, when the effects could be long lasting, lol!

Nice!

Dottie :)

Aaron M. Wilson said...

Thank you for the comments. I can see how the red crystal magic seemed to come out of nowhere and how it seems like the magic would only last for a day.

Thanks for the help.

Deb Smythe said...

For me, the fact that he wished as he did provided insight into his personality and made him a little more 3-D.

Laurel said...

I was distracted by wondering how he knew to make a wish or which stone would provide it, but I loved the ending!

JaneyV said...

Well why not? At least he wished for something they could enjoy together!

I like the premise of this Aaron. You spin a good tale.

Aaron M. Wilson said...

Thanks JaneyV!

SzélsőFa said...

an interesting relationship and a sort of nasty Victor.
although none of the characters were likeable, i enjoyed this writing a lot.
:)

Aaron M. Wilson said...

SzelsoFa, thanks! I like to hate (dislike) my chracters, so I'm glad you did too.

Vincent Kale said...

Victor and Carmella are a (romanticized) version of my parents. Dad loves geocacheing, Mom puts up with it. So to me, the characters and their actions/reactions were very realistic.

But doesn't Victor know that you always wish for more wishes?!

Well done!

Chumplet - Sandra Cormier said...

As one who is unfamiliar with geocaching, it took a second read for me to figure out what was going on.

Now that I know, this seems to me a charming study of a typical relationship between young people who don't know what they want in a partner.

That is, until they make a wish and get what they want without trying.

Sweet story!