Monday, July 26, 2010

Forties Club Finalist #48

Desert Treasure
by Lazlo Kovaks


Diamonds were never her best friend. Too many complications attached, too much greed or bad karma or something floating around them. And you had to keep track of the damn things.

Which was why she was tramping around in sand dunes at dawn in her bare feet. Sandra still couldn’t believe that her asshole boyfriend, obviously high, had grabbed her purse and flung it out the window. Only he hadn’t. He’d pretended to, grinning like a ghoul. By the time he brought his hand back into the car with the purse, she had nearly rolled the Mercedes trying to stop it by stomping on the brakes. When he handed it to her she knew instantly that it was too light. Then she saw the rip in the bottom corner. “Get out get out get out!” She screamed. She started searching the floor of the car.

But they weren’t there. The jewels, worth more than her car, more than her mansion for god’s sake, had worn a hole in the purse and when he jerked it out the window they must have flown out onto the side of the road. Unless they had fallen out earlier. Sandra shuddered at the thought, then she wept.

But only a little. Then she backed up to...where? Her best guess was maybe a couple hundred feet. Then she tore her flats off and ran to the gravel and sand that bordered the highway. Beyond, endless stretches of dunes and sage and stones. And pain.

17 comments:

Oddyoddyo13 said...

She's going to be looking for a while-but how do you leave stones like that in the middle of the dunes either?

JR's Thumbprints said...

Perhaps the asshole boyfriend had the jewels and his actions were a ruse.

Peter Dudley said...

The jewels, worth more than her car, more than her mansion for god’s sake, had worn a hole in the purse...

I'm having a hard time building up any sympathy at all for this character. Unless they were someone else's jewels, maybe the mafia boss she was transporting them for, and someone (she) was going to die because they were lost. In that case, I might care.

Otherwise, it just seems like Paris Hilton dropped her necklace.

Why isn't the boyfriend helping her look for them?

Lee said...

Three words--safe deposit box.

Jade L Blackwater said...

I'm getting visions of a Twilight Zone episode.... oh, the human follies!

Erratic Thoughts said...

I liked this "The jewels...had worn a hole in the purse", nice irony! :)
And gosh she has got patience to search them in sand dunes!

Aimee Laine said...

That would be an epic fail on her part. ;)

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Hi Lazlo

1. Kick asshole boyfriend out of car
2. LEAVE gems at home in the safe where they belong, cos, she's got some explaining to do.
3. Hop a plane, you ain't never finding those jewels in all that sand.

Nicely done!

Dottie :)

Mike Robertson said...

Thanks for the cool comments all. She's more Paris Hilton in my mind than innocent waif and yeah, there's gonna be hell to pay. Boyfriend pocketed 'em? Great idea, Thumbprint. Might be the next step.

Laurel said...

I totally thought the boyfriend filched them.

I like the story but the details seemed a bit soggy. Them's some heavy duty jewels that she must have been hauling around for a while if she thinks they wore a hole clear through her pocketbook.

She seems like just the sort, though, who could use the reality check of losing a fortune.

pegjet said...

Terrific story, Lazlo. Glad to see you made the 40's club.

Whether we like or hate the protagonist, I feel the heat and the dunes, and the irritation toward a sophomoric boyfriend.

JaneyV said...

You wrote her desperation very convincingly. Makes me wonder why the stones were so valuable. Somehow I don't think it's purely monetary.

Deb Smythe said...

Move over Paris Hilton. This was a great little character sketch. Rich, she might be. Smart, she ain't.

Mike Robertson said...

Laural, Peggy, Janey, thanks for the read and comments. Heat and sand and danger and a protagonist who's gotten herself into a fix. So many possibilities.

Mike Robertson said...

Deb, Ha! Well put. She suffers from the same malady we all do: she's too human. Thanks for the comment!

Vincent Kale said...

That boyfriend is in for a world of hurt. I really thought she was going to run him over about halfway through your story!

Good imagery here though, my feet hurt just thinking about the hot sand and gravel!

Word Verification: waterr
This thing must have read your desert story too!

Mike Robertson said...

Thanks for reading Vincent. I imagine after tramping around in the hot sand for a while she might get back in the car and try to run him over. And maybe it'll occur to her to check his pockets after.