Friday, July 15, 2011

Entry #29

The Karmic Mobius
by Claire Gillian


Existence is my only constant. Like a Mobius strip, I am non-orientable and never-ending.

My heartbeat slams against the walls of my temporary home and reverberates through my head. My body is bloated and uncoordinated.

Not much time remains. The integrity of my support system wanes with alacrity. The once almost infinite space closes in upon me, rejects me. If I fight my expulsion, I’ll have to begin anew, no lessons learned, no progress toward redemption.

Will I be pretty? What talents will I possess? Will I struggle or triumph? Will I be loved?

Fingers and toes splay for my inspection. I’ll at least have a fighting chance on the outside--this time. The world beyond is always the wild card.

These thoughts both provoke and entertain me. Soon they’ll be left behind in this place, sentient echoes in stasis until we are reunited. I’ll take another turn at righting past wrongs and avoiding new ones. I can only hope it will be enough, and when the hand of God cuts the strip, I’ll be on the right side.

I am pushed toward the light, toward the egress.

My heart races. I don’t want to leave. I can’t do this again! The transition rips what I was from what I will be.

My screams of agony are silent, for no air fuels them, until…

All narrows to a single point and…

I am born.

25 comments:

j a zobair said...

I love the way you trace these thoughts to the very beginning:

"Will I be pretty? What talents will I possess? Will I struggle or triumph? Will I be loved?"

I like to think we have some grace period before it all kicks in!

Nice work.

Aimee Laine said...

Ha! I saw the end mid-way! Totally got it! :) Very, very nice. :)

Catrina said...

It seems like the pain of birth goes both ways. Interesting concept. Good job. =)

Kunjal said...

love the way you narrated:)
very well done:)

Katherine Tomlinson said...

All of the above plus...best title ever.

SzélsőFa said...

although i saw it coming, i loved the concept. and the title is great!

Mikki said...

Your language is beautiful; it pulls your reader into your world, guiding them until the end. And what an interesting concept! I love the way you describe the beginning (which is also the end). Nice work.

Thanks for sharing!

Precie said...

I love this...and dread it. :)

JML said...

Makes me want to keep on reading, even after it has ended.

Claire Gillian said...

Thank you all for your very kind comments. I'm glad it didn't turn out too obscure. I'd worried that it might. Cheers!

Aniket said...

Like everyone said, it was predictable yet a wonderful read.

Thanks a lot for sharing.

Peter Dudley said...

Interesting that the memories of past life are severed at birth, not at conception. You've done a good job of describing the state of transition--fear, anticipation, eagerness, reluctance. Mapping it onto a Mobius is a brilliant way to unify it. Nice work.

fairyhedgehog said...

If only we could choose and not just have to take what we're given...

Jade L Blackwater said...

Wonderful intro(intra?)spection, and I like how well the voice sounds both old and young.

I'm with Peter - the Mobius is an especially artful metaphor for this piece.

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

At first I thought old, and then with fingers and toes, I thought young... to find out..rebirth.

Good job...

Dottie :)

Old Kitty said...

What a way to be born!! Excellent! Take care
x

wrath999 said...

very cool and nicely done!

Claire Gillian said...

Thanks so much for the kind words.

bluesugarpoet said...

The pain of birth goes both ways. Love the thoughts of past lives before the final push. ~Jana A.

Richard Levangie said...

I was entertained and amused by the story and your turns of phrase. Well done!

Linda Ryan-Harper said...

Well, if life is a Mobius strip, with no beginning or end, only the promise that God will make the final cut if we learn our lessons well enough, I'd like to have mine designed by Jean Giraud. I can't do this again again! That's a truth:

If my coming were up to me, I’d never be born
And if my going were on my accord, I’d go with scorn
Isn’t it better that in this world, so old and worn
Never to be born, neither stay, nor be away torn?

—Omar Khayyam

Good writing and very thought provoking...

Aidan Fritz said...

I found the technical terms of moebius and heartbeats, orientation, infinite space, to give this a SciFi feel and I liked the blend you've achieved of that with reincarnation.

JaneyV said...

Claire- I love that the developing foetus is completely knowledgeable about its constant cycle of birth and rebirth. I also love that it has hopes for learning lessons this time - fully understanding that the life he is given will have hurdles that may not allow him to progress toward Nirvana. It's both beautiful and soul destroying. Your piece wil have me thinking for a long time to come.

Claire Gillian said...

I really appreciate everyone's kind words. Thank you to all who have been so generous with their comments.

jason evans said...

Kind of horrifying, that moment. I see more death in that rebirth as memories are ripped away.

Congrats on Forties Club!