Saturday, July 16, 2011

Entry #38

Surviving
by Rachel Artstein


Another unthinkable assault enrages her. Not the visions or explosions in her head as a result of the attack, but the crudeness of the wounding. She is unsteady, unready for this battle. Nothing has prepared her for this pain and humiliation. No one cares. Bastard!

Staring it down in red-hot fury she dared it to invade yet again - stealing even one more fragile, irreplaceable fragment. She blindly fumbles her hand towards its all-powerful visage, pleading. She is met with a shattering blow. Precious shards scatter across the universe of her mind. Mine!

Oceans ebb and flow, waves dashing against towering cliffs, calming her as she remembers. Healing. Reaching deep into her safe place she wrested from her soul’s depths the memory of how it was when she was whole. She wrapped herself with that steel will, learned in a white-hot hell, overflowing with grief and despair. Breathe calm; breathe deep. War!

Amid screeches of madness, as colors and heat exploding from it intensified, she seized it, grasping it in a burning embrace. Drinking from it till it was pale and weak and cold, her thirst quenched, she wept. Engulfing her scattered fragments one by one, growing stronger, until it no longer existed. Dead!

Triumph is cool, silent, powerful. Alive!

21 comments:

j a zobair said...

There is a lot of powerful imagery here. Alive, indeed!

Mikki said...

This is powerful. I'm not entirely positive of the direction you were taking, but it reminds me of a woman in the throes of spousal abuse. When she reached deep inside, grasping the depths of her soul and the place she feels whole, I imagine her gaining control of a situation gone berzerk. You managed to convey her innermost thoughts, and to pull us along for the ride; neither task is easy, but both were completed to satisfying fruition.

Thanks for sharing!

Michael Morse said...

I think the story was an internal battle against a malignant tumor, but I could be completely wrong, i try to read these slowly but I kind of sped through this once I got going, wanting more.

Aimee Laine said...

The back and forth reminds me of someone fighting any enemy. Glad the end was on the positive side. :)

Choco said...

Breathtaking... I think it talks about hurt... and the resultant anger... Beautifully portrayed...

Peter Dudley said...

Mikki said what I was thinking.

fairyhedgehog said...

I wasn't sure if she was fighting a current battle or fighting off the memories of past trauma. Either way I'm glad she survived!

Scribblers Inc said...

Powerful imagery, left me wanting for more. And boy, am I glad she is alive! :)

wishes
Mithun.
#72

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

I was wondering if the battle was being fought now or if it was past or if she was anticipating... a combination of all three? Glad she survived to fight another day.

Dottie :)

Jade L Blackwater said...

I love the emotions of this piece. It reminds me of "fighting" through illness. The title is apropos.

bluesugarpoet said...

Powerful imagery! You've made the struggle to survive tangible. ~Jana A.

Old Kitty said...

I love the powerful voice!! I was in her head and it felt amazing!! Thank you, take care
x

Aidan Fritz said...

I like the poetic endings you capture to the end of the paragraphs. She is quite the survivor!

Richard Levangie said...

Rachel— Vivid, raw and emotional. Fine writing!

Erratic Thoughts said...

What a power packed closing line...I liked how you have mingled colors with feelings..:)

jrthumbprints said...

Nice job showing the internal conflict, how it builds until action is taken.

Apple Ardent Scott said...

This is a provocative clash of emotion and imagery. I like writing that compels the reader to feel something uncomfortable.

JaneyV said...

Rachel - my take in this is that your MC is fighting PTSD. It's not enough to suffer the original assault but she constantly relives it. I love the triumphal ending. She survived - she is alive.

Intense and emotive writing.

Precie said...

This so starkly lays bare the agony of a woman trying to hang on to herself. I couldn't tell for sure if it's post-war or perhaps rape survival...which carries it's own PTSD. But her struggle to get through is inspiring. Makes me hope someone actually does care, even if she doesn't know it right then.

Rachel said...

Thanks to every one of you who stopped to read, and HUGE bouquets to those who left footprints.

This piece literally fell out my fingertips with little editing. It's just how the muse works w/me.

In explanation, you were all correct, in some way, in how you saw the piece.

It's about violation, by others and by oneself. Overcoming anything we are handed. Abuse. Illness. Addiction. PTSD. And it is for all women who have endured and survived any/all the above.

This is my first flash and I am humbled to be in such company. It's great to get to meet you. And inspiring!

jason evans said...

There is a great deal of intensity. The words are building it. I want to see even more focus to them as they carry forward.

I especially liked your sentence structure.