Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Entry #72

Revelation
by Mithun Mukherjee


Neon red. Fat colour to use as bulbs in a pub.

Two losers like us in the seediest of pubs, hoping to get laid.

Laid. Such a fuckin’ Word!

The music is like a steam engine from two centuries ago, starting up and thumping inside my head.

“We will do everything together”.

Except we can’t.

“Who’s in there? I gotta go!”

‘Buzz off...find another room!’

The guy goes away leaving Will to what he is doing inside the four by three capsule. I can only imagine.

And hope I get a turn too.

“Hey, that your friend inside with Martha?”

The guy doesn’t look like he is gonna slug me. Or want a turn.

‘Mart, yeah...so?’

“Thought I would tell you...cuz’ you look like a nice guy.”

I see his lips move but hear the whump whump whump of the bass and the sound of a breaking bottle come out of his mouth. You could blow up a nuke here and get away with it.

“Whaa?” I try again. Not that it would be critically important or anything. A Mars settlement disclosure or a Microsoft social networking platform announcement were the last things you could expect here.

‘I was saying’...he screams, trying to rise above the mock-industrial clatter, ‘that she is not Martha!’

A hand slaps right above my head, emerging out of the red fog inside the toilet. Will, you Titanic-esque bastard.

“Who is she then?” I scream back.

“A He!” he corrects,

“Martin!"

22 comments:

Precie said...

Lol at the Titanic reference. I saw that too in the prompt and wondered if it would come up. Great twist at the end.

Aimee Laine said...

Whoopsie! Better double check next time! :)

Damyanti said...

Lol...this is a clever little story :)

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

I'm sure would have noticed...eventually, lol. Nice twist there at the end.

Dottie :)

Nikita Banerjee said...

Gosh! Good one!

phatichar said...

Double whammy, this! Splendid. :)

Katherine Tomlinson said...

Dude looks like a lady...Nice atmosphere and dialogue.

Scribblers Inc said...

@Precie: Haha, was rather a simple thing to come by! It was so much fun writing this one...glad you liked it! :)

@aimee: Haah! Sometimes...(whispers) you never know... :D

fairyhedgehog said...

I can't help wondering if it's even going to matter when they are all so wasted!

Kunjal said...

I thought that person is trying to tell that Martha has aids or something:P

Paula Martin said...

Good twist at the end!

Jenn said...

Now there is a revelation!! Ha--great short story! Cheers, Jenn

Erratic Thoughts said...

Whooops!what a blunder...never thought the prompt could be so hilariously interpreted...very well done :)

Barry Crowther said...

Really enjoyed that little shortie. Good twist.

Summer Fey Foovay said...

ROFL - great twist - I love it! And depending on what Mart IS doing in there, he may not have noticed...

bluesugarpoet said...

Or maybe he didn't care that Martha was really Martin - they were in there a long time! Funny plot twist! I could totally imagine the scene - excellent description. ~Jana

Old Kitty said...

They all sound like they were having a good time!!! Take care x

Michael Morse said...

I like the club vibe, felt like I was there, bass and all. Glad i missed the dude in the booth though!

Mikki said...

*snort* Oh, what happens when we get too drunk. I loved your description; you entertained all senses, bringing the scene to life. Nice work.

Thank you for sharing!

Richard Levangie said...

Like when I saw the Crying Game at the theatre, I didn't see this coming. :-)

JaneyV said...

Hee hee - Mithun I really enjoyed the way you built this up and injected the drunk's confusion and the loudness of the sleezy joint. I was there with you and I enjoyed the punchline!!!

jason evans said...

Um, yeah. I would hope the dude knows by now. But then again.... I like this one! You portrayed the scene very well.

Congrats on Forties Club!