Revelation
by Mithun Mukherjee
Neon red. Fat colour to use as bulbs in a pub.
Two losers like us in the seediest of pubs, hoping to get laid.
Laid. Such a fuckin’ Word!
The music is like a steam engine from two centuries ago, starting up and thumping inside my head.
“We will do everything together”.
Except we can’t.
“Who’s in there? I gotta go!”
‘Buzz off...find another room!’
The guy goes away leaving Will to what he is doing inside the four by three capsule. I can only imagine.
And hope I get a turn too.
“Hey, that your friend inside with Martha?”
The guy doesn’t look like he is gonna slug me. Or want a turn.
‘Mart, yeah...so?’
“Thought I would tell you...cuz’ you look like a nice guy.”
I see his lips move but hear the whump whump whump of the bass and the sound of a breaking bottle come out of his mouth. You could blow up a nuke here and get away with it.
“Whaa?” I try again. Not that it would be critically important or anything. A Mars settlement disclosure or a Microsoft social networking platform announcement were the last things you could expect here.
‘I was saying’...he screams, trying to rise above the mock-industrial clatter, ‘that she is not Martha!’
A hand slaps right above my head, emerging out of the red fog inside the toilet. Will, you Titanic-esque bastard.
“Who is she then?” I scream back.
“A He!” he corrects,
“Martin!"
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
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22 comments:
Lol at the Titanic reference. I saw that too in the prompt and wondered if it would come up. Great twist at the end.
Whoopsie! Better double check next time! :)
Lol...this is a clever little story :)
I'm sure would have noticed...eventually, lol. Nice twist there at the end.
Dottie :)
Gosh! Good one!
Double whammy, this! Splendid. :)
Dude looks like a lady...Nice atmosphere and dialogue.
@Precie: Haha, was rather a simple thing to come by! It was so much fun writing this one...glad you liked it! :)
@aimee: Haah! Sometimes...(whispers) you never know... :D
I can't help wondering if it's even going to matter when they are all so wasted!
I thought that person is trying to tell that Martha has aids or something:P
Good twist at the end!
Now there is a revelation!! Ha--great short story! Cheers, Jenn
Whooops!what a blunder...never thought the prompt could be so hilariously interpreted...very well done :)
Really enjoyed that little shortie. Good twist.
ROFL - great twist - I love it! And depending on what Mart IS doing in there, he may not have noticed...
Or maybe he didn't care that Martha was really Martin - they were in there a long time! Funny plot twist! I could totally imagine the scene - excellent description. ~Jana
They all sound like they were having a good time!!! Take care x
I like the club vibe, felt like I was there, bass and all. Glad i missed the dude in the booth though!
*snort* Oh, what happens when we get too drunk. I loved your description; you entertained all senses, bringing the scene to life. Nice work.
Thank you for sharing!
Like when I saw the Crying Game at the theatre, I didn't see this coming. :-)
Hee hee - Mithun I really enjoyed the way you built this up and injected the drunk's confusion and the loudness of the sleezy joint. I was there with you and I enjoyed the punchline!!!
Um, yeah. I would hope the dude knows by now. But then again.... I like this one! You portrayed the scene very well.
Congrats on Forties Club!
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