Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Entry #83

Instinct
by JaneyV


“Stop pushing!”

“It’s not me. I’m being squished every which way. Feels like this whole place is coming in.”

The boy thought for a moment. The tremors had stopped but he knew they would begin again. He stared below. He could see a shard of light; a golden sliver in the pink glow of their shaking home. The boy reached his tiny hand out to see how far away it was but drew it quickly back into his chest as another quake started.

“Brother I’m scared.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve found the way out. It’s going to be a squeeze but I reckon I can wriggle through and then you can follow.”

“Are you sure?”

“No… yes. I-I’m not sure why, but this feels right and we’ll die if we stay here.”

Another ferocious quake propelled the boy headlong toward the light. He thought his head would crack as the walls closed in. He twisted to free his shoulder and struggled and squirmed to reach the light. As he did, huge warm hands dragged him out. Air rushed into his lungs, cold and violent. He screamed his sister’s name. Everything was horrible and bright and hurt. The hands pulled and prodded him. Where was she?

“SISTER!” He drew another breath. Then she answered.

“BROTHER!”

Then she was beside him. As they reached for each other a voice said, “Congratulations. Mama. It’s twins - a boy and a girl. And they both have fine healthy lungs.”

22 comments:

Precie said...

Okay, I can definitely say I did NOT see this in the prompt. Wonderfully done. I'm so glad you came to play, Janey!

Aniket said...

I kind of caught on to what was happening by the middle of the piece, but it was such fun to read till the end. The concept of twins always fascinate me. Can't think of a greater bond. (Which reminds me, where's Kiki's entry? She has such gorgeous twins!)

You're dialogues are always most fun and effortless to read. Just the way they should be.

Glad you could join the party. As always, you're "just" in time. :)

Aerin said...

Oh, I LOVE this. I didn't see it coming, I was expecting Baby Jessica in the well. It IS fun that you're here, Janey, it's like a little reunion. Right down to the part where I'm ready to start a catfight with you to knock you out of the running.....

and I mean that in a very loving way.

And, yes, Aniket my dear, it made me think of Kiki, too. I need to yell at her to get a move on.

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

I didn't see the birthing part of the prompt, but several others have, and each is different. Nicely done!

Dottie :)

Margaret said...

I definitely didn't see the ending coming! I was certain it was an earthquake and laughed out loud when I read the last paragraph.

A brilliant take on the prompt, Janey and written with such ease.

j a zobair said...

This is delightful. I love how you've shown the twins so attached, already.

SzélsőFa said...

awww, this one is sweeeeet.

Joni said...

Contractions as earthquakes. You got it absolutely right. I'm still smiling over this one.

Aimee Laine said...

Very cute. Having twins myself, I can instantly picture the story. :)

fairyhedgehog said...

I liked the happy ending to the trauma! And I can't help wondering about what their lives will be after starting out so close.

JaneyV said...

Precie - It's good to see you too. Work has completely dominated my life this year so it's nice to have such a fertile playground to come play in. Glad I managed to surprise you.

Thank you Aniket - always say the nicest things. I too am fascinated by twins. I sometimes wonder if perhaps I started off life as one. I would have loved to have had twins myself. Too late now though!!!

Aerin - It's good to be here. I'm in my final week of term at work and it's MAD busy. Oh to have the time to blog and write and hang out like I used to!!! Thank goodness for Jason's reunion parties! You are very kind in your comment but there's really no need for the catfight. I so totally know when I'm licked!!

Thank you Dottie - thank you. I was surprised that others had the same thought too. But there is nothing more elemental than birth and death so I guess I shouldn't have been really.

Thank you Margaret - I wondered if I was being too obvious so it's good to know that I surprised a few!

J A Zobair Thank you. As I said to Aniket, I've always been so fascinated by twins. I think that if you spend your first nine months of existence in such close quarters with someone, you're either going to be bonded for life or spend it in a struggle to be free of the other. These are definitely the bonded kind.

I now have to rush out to work again. I will return anon!!

Anonymous said...

You tricked me with that first line. Leave it to you... Never saw that coming. Healthy lungs!

bluesugarpoet said...

I was thinking apocalypse story at first - brother and sister escaping disaster - captivating. :) I like the twin twist. Sweet ending! ~Jana A

Old Kitty said...

Oh wow!!! Awwww it's great cos they're twins and they have each other and they're just new born babies too!! A lovely read, thank you! take care
x

Aidan Fritz said...

The beginning has such a strong sense of earthquake natural disaster. Although, a birth tends to be filled with more joyous emotions, this captures some of the uncertainty (and reminds me of friends who lost their baby in birth).

You do a beautiful job to capture the children's point of view.

Mikki said...

Birthing is a popular theme this challenge; this piece was unique. I loved the dialogue between the twins, and the line at the end made me smile.

Thank you for sharing!

Richard Levangie said...

Janey: I delight in the lighter entries because the prompt pushed most people (including myself) toward darker musings.

I wasn't surprised, but I was also delighted to see firsthand how the bond between twins extends into the womb.

Lisa Gail Green said...

SOMEHOW I caught on right away. Not sure how or why though, so great job! Fun imagining of birth. It's nice to see positive outlooks.

Catvibe said...

Wow, I never would have gone from earthquakes to birth! Love the twist and your delightful writing style. :-)

JaneyV said...

Thank you all so very much. I am so sorry that I haven't had the chance to answer all these wonderful comments individually. I thank you all for taking the time to comment and read my piece. So many lovely things said and I feel very mean that I can't give you all more attention right now, however I have only have an hour left before the reader's choice contest closes and I still have a good few entires left to read, so please forgive me if I press on.

Anonymous? hmmm - now who are you? ;0)

Peter said...

So the earth did move ...

Beautifully written and told!

jason evans said...

I like the very different takes on birth in this contest. I think that yours in the happiest and brightest. Very good writing.

Congrats on Forties Club!