Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Entry #82

Till Death Do Us Part
by Col Bury


PC Loram didn’t register the bullet that killed him, until it pinged off the pylon bar behind. The spurts from his gaping throat made his erection instantly flaccid. The prostitute on her knees expected a shower, but not of blood. Loram hit the deck before she screamed.

Halfway up the pylon, electricity crackled above. Confused, his weightless tranquillity was broken by piercing shrieks below.

A blood-soaked woman stumbled around like a pissed-up zombie. Another woman, brandishing a handgun, smiled manically.

“Till death do us part…”

Brenda… the bitch! Panic-stricken, Loram gazed at his ‘spectral body’.

Vibrations made him pivot. A black pin-prick grew in the parting clouds. Rushing upward, darkness engulfed him. Zooming forward, a distant white dot rapidly closed in.

Bathed in a brilliant whiteness, he was soothed by profound love.

An angelic form of pulsating mini-prisms, a stunning backdrop like ocean mist, distant chimes echoing.

The ‘Being’ touched him.

Images appeared…

… Loram beating a prisoner … with each punch, Loram felt the criminal’s despair…

… A drug-dealer giving Loram an envelope… addicts injecting heroin… their hopelessness swamping his soul…

… Brenda, crying into her pillow, spilled tablets across the bed… he felt her misery…

“Enough!” Loram turned away.

“What have you learned from this?”

“…That’s life.”

“Then, you’re in the wrong place…” The ‘Being’ dispersed.

Loram swivelled, a fiery hole emerging beside him. Two white doves transformed into squawking, red-eyed crows.

Holding out a pleading hand, the abyss mercilessly sucked him in, with a growl of malevolence.

45 comments:

pegjet said...

They say your life flashes before your eyes at the end. Hopefully, we like the show.

Poor Loram.
Well told flash. Nice to see a familiar name in the roster.

Michael Solender said...

fine tale here col

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

When asked by a heavenly entity "What have you learn?" after seeing your life played out with all the bad, the correct answer is "I should have tried harder, or to be better, or I wish I had a second chance"...anything besides "That's life"... it'll buy you a one way ticket to hell everytime.

Dottie :)

Chris Allinotte said...

Col - great, gritty take on this. I love the unapolegetic nature of PC Loram (nice touch, that.)

When he gets to "the right place", I'm sure he'll give the man in charge the finger as well.

Nicely done.

wrath999 said...

Great stuff!!!

Thomas Pluck said...

Great work, Col! Loved it.

Julie Lewthwaite said...

Brilliant, Col, great fun. Really enjoyed that!

Joni said...

I like how he was given a part in his own justice, an opportunity to speak for himself.

Wrong answer, buddy...

AJ Hayes said...

Little roller coaster of a tale Col. First the climb. Then the screaming fall with no bottom in sight. Very nicely done, my friend.

Glaznost said...

Nice work Col, great read!

Richard Godwin said...

Tight as they come Col. A brilliantly structured piece.

Col Bury said...

Wow!

Just got hope from a shitty shift at work, so these comments have really lifted my spirits.

Pegjet,
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

Michael,
Cheers, bud. Yours is a cracker!

Dottie,
Thanks for the feedback. Loram ain't like us though. :-)

Chris,
He would've done, but I only had 250 words. :-) Loved your take, BTW.

Wrath,
Cheers!

Tom,
Really pleased you liked it, mate.

Julie,
Your support, as always, spurs me on.

Joni,
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Wrong answer indeed. :-)

AJ,
I love the way you sum up peoples' stories so succinctly. Nice one, bud.

Paul,
Thanks for popping over, fella.

Richard,
Praise from you means a lot.

Regards to all,
Col

Katherine Tomlinson said...

Tough and unsentimental...gritty and vivid. Ladies and gentlemen...that's how it's done. Great story Col.

Anonymous said...

Col, the first line was a killer.
Pun intended. This was a clever 250word story.

Jeanette Cheezum

Aimee Laine said...

That'll teach him! And now we know to at least tell someone what we've learned!

Alan Griffiths said...

Cracking story, Col.

Col Bury said...

Katherine, please, you'll make me blush. Thank you.

Jeanette,
Much appreciated. Nice pun! :-)

Aimee,
It's too late for Loram. But "That's Life"! :-) Cheers.

Al,
Good to hear from you, mate. Glad you liked it.

Aidan Fritz said...

Enticing world you've captured here with the heaven/hell dichotomy. Love how much you managed to get into this story of his deeds and the deadly reactions and then the taking of the soul.

Luca Veste said...

Great stuff. You conveyed so much detail and made it an entertaining read, in such a small amount of words.

Superb.

jrthumbprints said...

I'm going to use all caps: THIS IS MY KIND OF STORY. ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT - BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND END. BRAVO!

Col Bury said...

Aidan,
Thank you. Just read yours - great stuff.

Luca,
Really appreciate your feedback, fella.

JR,
LOL. CHEERS! :-)

David Cranmer said...

You started high with "PC Loram didn’t register the bullet that killed him, until it pinged off the pylon bar behind" and it just got better from there.

Sarah Hina said...

A powerful piece of flash, with some riveting imagery to boot. I especially loved the shift from dove to crow.

Col Bury said...

David,
It's really cool to get a comment like that off you, dude.

Sarah,
I nearly left that line out, so thanks for your approval!

Really chuffed (as we say in Manchester) with these comments. It makes the effort of trimming it, from its original 493 words, worthwhile.

Thank you all.

Still trying to get round all the others, but work, kids 'n' 'weary-eyed-ness' keep getting in the way! :-)

Apple Ardent Scott said...

Yeow! Even with a second chance 'after the fact', he blew it. Good piece of writing here.

Precie said...

You don't pull any punches, do you?

Stark and sharp. I feel no pity for Loram but can't help wanting to see more.

bluesugarpoet said...

Compelling and brilliantly written piece! I love the raw and vivid beginning - balances nicely with the cold and bitter ending. :) ~Jana A

Jodi MacArthur said...

I loved the pace of this, and that first paragraph was a killer (haha)! No seriously. I had to go back and read it. You hit us with a bullet, girl and a blowjob at the same time. Loram's one bad boy and really, getting an escort from the doves of hell sounds pretty frickin' rad (on the outside lookin in)! Fun and entertaining read, Col.

Old Kitty said...

Oh dear, Loram!!! I feel awful for saying this but I think he got what he deserved!! Take care
x

Rachel said...

Feel like I just read an entire book! "With a growl of malevolence" Loved it! Guess there's no phone a friend...hahahahahaha

Col Bury said...

Apple,
Thanks for reading and commenting.

Precie,
No, I like to get things moving, and, there's defo plenty more! :-)

Jana,
Your kind words are much appreciated.

Jodi,
As always, thanks for your support. x

Old Kitty,
Don't feel awful - Loram's in the right place now. Thanks. x

Rachel,
LOL. Cheers!

This truly is a fantastic contest Jason's running. I'm endeavouring to read all the stories, but I have to take the kids to Wales today for their hols with their Nana. Will do my best...

Mikki said...

Excellent use of truth and description in bringing this fantastical world to life. I loved the transformation from heaven to hell at the end; it blent together perfectly.

Thank you for sharing!

Richard Levangie said...

Col... I loved this. It started tight like a Frederick Forsyth novel, then took a macabre twist, all in 250 words! You should be chuffed (a word I use all the time in Canada, having watched a fair bit of Jamie Oliver.)

Thanks for reading mine, too.

Lily Childs said...

Loram totally gave the wrong answer - or did he? Maybe he didn't want a fluffy afterlife. Even after we pop our clogs, it's all about choices - in Loram's world.

Loved this Col. Hardcore and poetic to boot, as if we'd expect anything less.

Aerin said...

I laughed reading JR's comment, because I was thinking of him as I read this. Definitely NOT my style which doesn't mean I don't appreciate the writing, which is solid. Especially the characterization, done so well.

rocky wing said...

i really enjoyed the dark and grime of this piece. a perfect blend of the natural and supernatural and how they intersect. is it wrong that i feel ever so slightly sorry for mr. loram? he had to turn away from his life and while falling into hell he is seen "holding out a pleading hand." is it terrible that eternity all hinged on the answer to one question? i wonder how his trigger happy wife will answer and if they will see each other again?

Col Bury said...

Mikki,
Thank YOU for reading! And for the reassurance about the ending.

Richard,
Comparing little old me to Frederick Forsyth? Now, I'm really "chuffed" with that! :-)

Lil,
Cheers for your undying support. x

Aerin,
I appreciate my style and content won't be everyone's cuppa, but thank you for the positive comments on the actual writing.

Rocky,
The karma of harsh actions caught up with Loram. If it wasn't for the short word count, then his response may have been discussed further. So, I guess we can blame Jason! :-) Glad you spotted the possiblity of Loram meeting Brenda again.

Regards,
Col

Erin Cole said...

What a nice mix of noir and horror! Strong and punctual from start to finish.
Excellent stuff, Col.

JaneyV said...

Col - a terrific piece of flash here - uncompromising and exciting. Well written.

Col Bury said...

Hey Erin,
Nice of you to pop over. Overlapping genres probably comes from my TKnC grounding. Cheers.

Janey,
Thanks for your kind words.

Regards,
Col

David Barber said...

Who's been a busy boy then?

Really enjoyd this piece, buddy. As Erin said, a great mix of genres that you pulled off well. Top job!

jason evans said...

Definitely the wrong answer. But I can see it was the truth for him. I liked the rawness. Solid writing.

Congrats on Forties Club!

Col Bury said...

Dave,
Cheers, bud. Glad you liked it. It was a nice break from the novel.

Jason,
Thank you. Keep up the great work, it's appreciated by many.

Regards,
Col

Anonymous said...

Col,

Brilliant storyline,new to Your work and already hooked.

Cheers

Starky

Col Bury said...

Hey, cheers, Starky!
Hearing a reader say that they're 'hooked' is possibly THE best compliment a writer can get. So, I'll take that all day long!
:-)
Kind Regards,
Col