Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Entry #81

Deliverance
by J. Ryan Rosser


Push. He was alone, save for the muted voices echoing around the cavern; the screams and repetition. Push. He wanted to pull. Push. He was being pulled. Every issuance brought him closer to the cavern’s opening. Push. Blood rushed to his ears. He wanted to scream but could find no breath.

Push! His world was crashing, constricting, contracting. There was no going back, only forward. The thought made him cringe. Push! The opening was larger, he realized. No. Not larger. Closer. Push! He breeched the red tide, briefly, by wedging himself into the bloodied river bed. Push! It slowed his ebb, but not the flow, and he flushed toward the cavern’s gaping mouth once more.

PUSH! The walls enclosed around him. Tight. Tighter. They came alive with each breath; gripping his soft, fleshy skin. PUSH! The walls pulsed and forced him forward, forever closing any hope of return. The darkness behind cast shadow on the light ahead. PUSH! Through the hole lay a world of bright noise and tears.

PUSH! His head crested through the opening, followed by his body. The river rushed past him, below him, as he was carried swiftly to a cushioned pillow of skin. He screamed, at last, and opened his eyes. No longer surrounded by darkness, he saw tears and smiles. He felt touch for the first time and it warmed him. This woman, his woman, pressed something into his mouth. He sucked on life; slept and dreamed.


(J. Ryan Rosser is a Professional Storyteller and Children’s Pastor in Kansas City, MO.)

14 comments:

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Birth and rebirth, several different takes in the responses, nice use of the prompt. Favorite line "He sucked on life".

Dottie :)

Damyanti said...

Birth from the POV of the child, well written...noise, tears and smiles, welcome to our world!

wrath999 said...

Very well done I enjoyed this one!

SzélsőFa said...

wow - i thought it was about a hiker trapped in a cave, with the rescue team shouting - heeheee, i had this feeling until about the last paragraph :)
then i re-read the piece...

Aimee Laine said...

Awe! Very poignant. :)

Col Bury said...

The repetitive use of 'PUSH' gave this a rythmic feel, and the thoughtful sentence structure dragged you along.

Excellent writing.

Regards,
Col

Guilie said...

VERY nice! A beautiful take on birth. You create character in the newborn infant in majestic ways, and the tale is wonderfully woven. I "got" it at the beginning of the last paragraph, where it says "His head crested through the opening". Up until then, all sorts of different scenarios flitted through my head, none really fitting but all a possibility. I love it when an author achieves that. Kudos!

bluesugarpoet said...

I like how you've incorporated the outer world with the inner world elements (hearing the word "push"). Great birth (or re-birth) story! ~Jana A.

Old Kitty said...

Awwww he's a baby!!! I really liked this, thank you! I really like the baby's POV! Wonderful! x

Mikki said...

Wonderful use of description. I loved the lyricism.

Thank you for sharing!

Richard Levangie said...

LOL... I never had any doubt about what I was reading, but I enjoyed the ride just the same. :-)

J. Ryan Rosser said...

Thank you, everyone, for your feedback and criticism! This is my first time to submit here. It's nice to see some encouragement.

JaneyV said...

I see we had similar thoughts! I like the repetition of the word 'push' and the way it insists as the birth looms closer. Well written and exciting.

jason evans said...

You did a great job deconstructing a birth into that level of close focus. Inventive, solid writing!

Congrats on Forties Club!