Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Entry #86

The Wall
by Peter Davidson


She drew on the thin hand-rolled cigarette, watching as the tip flared incandescent. The room glowed. It was best seen this way, she decided; briefly and from the light of a cigarette. A borrowed apartment, undecorated, uncared for. It meant nothing. This was about enjoying a secret pleasure, a one-time indulgence, a needed satisfaction. Her hand rested against the wall, illuminated blood-red from the thin, burning erection held stiff between her fingers. It was impossible not to think in those terms. She could still feel that heat, that other glow, deep between her thighs. Nearby on the bed, she knew he was watching. Within soft monochrome shadows lay the outline of his body, resting, sated. Drawing hard on the cigarette, she watched as his eyes caught and threw back the sudden flare. Glittering points of fire in the darkness. There had been no time for words, for gentle kisses. No time for her to run, to change her mind, to talk, to doubt. Pressed against the wall, its cold hardness biting into her skin, the heat of him, his hardness pressing into her, she embraced abandonment and surrender. Her legs encircled his waist, drawing him into her even as he held her impaled, her hands pinned high above her head, his mouth smothering her cries. She ground the cigarette into the wall, watching the embers flare and cascade to the floor, the flame extinguished. It was time to return to the those watching eyes, and the fire within.

30 comments:

Damyanti said...

Very well written.

I especially like the line : Drawing hard on the cigarette, she watched as his eyes caught and threw back the sudden flare.

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

Nicely done! No talk of love, just need and wanting. Fulfillment of desire.

Dottie :)

Joni said...

You need a cigarette just to read this piece. Wowza. I'm gonna go open a window.

I really enjoyed your description of that one moment. Excellent writing.

hilary said...

Great stuff Peter. You do raw and sexy very well.

SzélsőFa said...

a great vignette about raw desire, and satisfaction. to my surprise, i liked it :)

Aimee Laine said...

I think the fire within is stronger than the fire outside. Very nice.

Deb Smythe said...

And I thought the weather was making me hot. Wonderful writing. Way to bring the heat.

Aidan Fritz said...

I like the way you've intertwined her smoking of the cigarette with the sensuousness of what has just been finished and possibly to begin.

Peter said...

Thank you everyone for all your supportive comments, I wasn't at all sure if this would work here. Interesting that only one man has so far dared comment! Well done Aidan! (Erm, you are a man aren't you?)

Precie said...

Ditto everyone, but especially Joni. Very, ahem, vivid. Nice, ahem, job.

bluesugarpoet said...

I echo Aidan's comment - I like how you paralleled two "forbidden" luxuries - smoking and steamy sex. ~Jana A.

Old Kitty said...

I loved that this story was just dripping in sensuality and sex! Take care
x

Rachel said...

Had to be sure I was on the right site there for a moment!

Very explicit and trashy in an oddly literary way.

I don't smoke, so maybe I'll just crawl into the fridge....

Peter said...

Thank you Precie, Poet, Kitty and Rachel for your comments.

Rachel said:
Had to be sure I was on the right site there for a moment!
Very explicit and trashy in an oddly literary way.

I wonder if Rachel has captured people's unspoken feelings about this piece? Reviewing the comments I do sense that people are a little uncomfortable about reading a primarily sexual story on this site. I know I wasn't sure it would be acceptable here, so I was interested to see the feedback it received. And happily they've been good. Most laugh or joke in a slightly embarrassed way, as if somehow the piece is not really to be viewed or considered in the same context as 'serious' writing. But sex is an elemental human desire, isn't it? I find it strange there's no discomfort from readers about seriously graphic murder torture death and destruction.

I may be wrong in my assumption. I'm just posing a question, interested in discussing this, not complaining about anybody's comments, which I've enjoyed receiving and reading.

Mikki said...

Vivid description teeming with emotional lust. Nice work.

Thank you for sharing!

Richard Levangie said...

I'm coming back to leave a comment after I take a cold shower. ;-)

pegjet said...

Yikes! I'm at work as I read this...thank god I'm alone in the office. And thank god I bought a new fan yesterday...steamy, for sure.

L.A Speedwing said...

Wow. So powerful is the way you manage to set on fire our imagination. Well done you. What can I say: i am impressed.

jrthumbprints said...

Peter, I wouldn't worry about whether a flash-fiction piece fits into the mainstream ... it's better to take a risk, which you do. Heck, most of my flash pieces are replusive, if not politically uncorrect. I like the tone of your piece and wanted to know more about the man as well (hard to do in 250-words).

Precie said...

Peter--I'd like to respond to your comment about the sexual nature of this piece. I can't speak for other readers, thoug. I don't have objections to it, and I'm not uncomfortable reading it. But, to be honest, when i read things that include sexuality, as several pieces here do, I want that eroticism to involve more than just the physical act...I want at least one of the characters to be revealed more deeply or to come to some kind of epiphany (good or bad). I likewise want violence to ultimately serve some purpose in revealing internal truth, good or bad.

Yes, sex is an elemental human desire, even more so than violence, I hope. But sex as its own end seems incomplete. Just my $0.02. Please feel free to let me know if you have questions about my response.

Aerin said...

I've just read this, and while the sexuality is fine (another blogger friend named David makes this piece seem tame!) I wished for some kind of plot, rather than the "they fucked, end of story." Perhaps she put her cigarette out on her arm, or some other character clue, as Precie mentioned.

Having said ALL of that, I have to give you snaps - writing sex is way harder than people realize.

JaneyV said...

Peter - I have no problem with the sexual nature of your piece. I think it was well written and erotic without being in any way over the top. And that's a tricky thing to achieve. I agree with Aerin that I'd like to have seen a bit more plot but you only had 250 words and in that you achieved so very much.

Peter said...

L.A. Thanks for that and for visiting my web and leaving a comment, very much appreciated.

Pegjet, Mikki and Richard, thank you.

JR, thanks, yes it felt like a risk, but as you say, what the hell?

Precie, thanks for elaborating on your viewpoint. I thought I'd addressed your particular crits of the piece sufficiently in the work itself, but obviously not enough. I'd tried hard not to make this a 'they fucked, and that was it' as Aerin and yourself take it to be. Aerin, erm, snaps?

JaneyV, thanks for the comment. I'm not a writer just joining in the fun, so I'm glad you thought I achieved something! These good folks, like yourself, can turn 250 words into a complete novel. Extraordinary!

Peter said...

Oh, and for those wannabe writers, this is how you do it ...

Katy Price said on her latest 'novel':

"I'm not going to lie, I don't sit there with a typewriter and write it, of course I don't," she said.

"I don't have time to do that. I say how I want the storyline to be, each chapter is done, I read through it change it and then it goes away to be written.

"I’m in this celebrity life with the magazines so I wanted to bring out a book which, you know, sort of is like what you read," she added in the interview with Virgin Radio.

So there you are ...

Guilie said...

Got to agree with Richard, Peter... Need a cold shower. Marvelously well-written piece; you nailed the sense of forbidden, of desire and wanting, but also getting. Congratulations on the win, and I look forward to reading more of your work. On my way to your blog now (after that shower)...

Wendy said...

'grats, Peter! :)

Mona said...

I love the flow of this one, just as consistent as the emotions felt and sated. Flash Fiction, they call it :)

Well Done!

hilary said...

Ha, told you so, unbeliever... Hx

Peter Dudley said...

congratulations on the award!

jason evans said...

This had an avante-garde, hyper reality feel to it. I found it unique and compelling. Excellently done!

Congratulations on 3rd Place!!