Monday, July 14, 2008

Entry #27

And Miles To Go Before She Sleeps
by Sarah Hina

“You itching for a ride, darlin’?”

His was the only shadow to darken the sleepy rest stop. The chrome of his wheel reflected a crescent moon.

She noted the steel-tipped boots. Roughneck gloves. Skirting his headlamp’s glare, she cracked her knuckles behind her back.

“That depends,” she said.

His engine purred.

“On what?”

She licked her teeth.

“On what kind of horsepower you’re packing.”

Headlights skated by.

“Enough for you, Princess.” Smirking, he hooked a thumb around a Texas-sized belt buckle. “What kind of price we talking?”

She eyed the dark carcasses of two cars, considering.

“For a hundred, you’ll forget your name,” she said. “For two, you’ll forget the bike.”

“Better make it two, then,” he laughed.

The engine cut.

“There’s a spot up here,” she called. “Beyond the—”

He stumbled.


Insects scattered. The couple arrived at a rough patch of grass above a steep ravine.

The moon winked between her knees.

He left his boots on.

And when her spiked teeth smiled into his flesh, the tips pointed six feet under.

She absorbed a last, ecstatic shudder, and wiped her chin.

Slipping on his gloves, she pushed the body downhill. It landed with a whump next to Mustang and Hummer. The crickets cheered.

Gliding down to the parking lot, she reviewed her collection.

Tough choice, but—

She needed steel between these thighs.

“Hey, Harley.”

The engine roared.

Straddling the beast, she leaned west. Chasing night.

There was blood on this breeze.

And she was still hungry.


Sameera Ansari said...

Sent a shudder down my spine.

Could a woman be so ruthless?What a portrayal!

Excellent description,poignant piece.

Anonymous said...

What a twist. Here I am worrying about the woman! The hint with the carcasses of 'two cars' was so very well placed. Very nice writing.

wrath999 said...

Cool... a lady vamp.

'The crickets cheered.' great line

'There was blood on this breeze.

And she was still hungry' great finish.


Pallav said...

this was right on the mark! brilliant story telling, great words and superb dialogue. A masterpiece.

Loved it!


Charles Gramlich said...

She's a nasty piece of work, and now she's got a bike. Every biker at bike night will be drooling over her, unaware that she's drooling for them. Very nice.

BernardL said...

Well told horror.

J.C. Montgomery said...

Holy cow!!!

All of the above...and then some!!

Beth said...

Hello, number one pick? Is that you? Oh yes, it is you. Sarah, I was waiting for your entry and was not disappointed. Normally I find vampire stuff (other than Anne Rice's) so campy and silly, but yours is amazing. I sat there thinking, "Why can't this be a book I can spend a few nights with?"

Fantastic. Brava!

Lena said...

wow! was scary enough! description is amazing, made me feel like i was there!
Great work done!

Sarah Hina said...

Thank you, everyone! This was a big leap for me in terms of subject matter, and I'm glad that you guys found it entertaining.

Enjoying everybody else's entries so much! What a great contest. :)

Ello - Ellen Oh said...

Oooh! nice and creepy, just the way I like it! I love that for 2 he'll forget his bike - very clever!

Scott said...

Sarah, that was really cool. I think though that you should have let him get a little for his money before planting the guy one. I loved the imagery, well-placed little phrases like, "The moon winked between her knees" really do it for me.

My crazy life said...

I love a good vampire story where the vampire is still the bad guy.

I write vampire stories but mine aren't always the bad guys atleast not fully.

Good job. -Rita

24crayons said...

That was awesome! Love the vampire with blood lust! Love it.

Dottie Camptown said...

Sarah, You seem right in your element writing this. You have many lines that really pop, but my favorite is, "Insects scattered." I could see a swarm moving off corpses without you having to explicitly reveal it. Also, nicely flowing dialogue. I love it all!

Jaye Wells said...

Ha! I love it! We'll have you writing urban fantasy in no time, lady.

Sheri Perl-Oshins said...

It's amazing - how can someone so sweet write a character so dark and SCARY! Makes me glad I am a woman - don't seem to be her type to pray on... but then again, she's a vampire - she might not be so choosy! Well done Sarah, but I am not surprised. No matter the genre your special flare can always be seen.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Reminds me of a movie I saw long long ago at a drive-in titled, "Werewolves on Wheels."

Anonymous said...

Very great Sarah. I particularly liked "The moon winked between her knees." and "And when her spiked teeth smiled into his flesh, the tips pointed six feet under. "

Very good work.


Beth said...

Sarah, I had to come back because I had to write that Frost poem is one of my favorites. I recited it as just a wee child once upon a time and it was one of the few pieces of poetry that ever really hit me and stayed with me ... great use of the title.

And what Paul said above is exactly the same for me. Terrific lines.

Sarah Hina said...

Thanks, everyone! I'm lapping up your comments. :)

And Beth--I imagine Frost would be a bit horrified at my co-opting his poem in this manner. ;) But it was a favorite of mine...and now my daughter likes it, too.

Thanks again!

SzélsőFa said...

Wow, great dialogue and description of the surroundings. Great job, Sarah!
*coming from someone who dislikes vampire stories*

JaneyV said...

Oh. My. God. A real roller-coaster ride of vamp-horror. This really grabs you by the balls (in my case metaphorically ;0)) and pulls you right with it.

Amazing Sarah - truly awesome.

raine said...

Applause. ;)

Esther Avila said...

vampires scare me but this drew me in. I loved the title - (love Robert Frost) and instantly thought I might see woods. You painted so much more.
Great job.

Vesper said...

Brilliant, Sarah! You and vampires? Hmmm... :-)
Do I need to remind you that your words are superb?...

Mr. T said...

Beth is right... number one pick, for me at least. Very primal. I wonder how Mustang and Hummer fell for her bewitching ways. ;)

- Karlan T.

laughingwolf said...

perfectly charming little beast, she ;)

Chris Eldin said...

Entirely unexpected!! You and Quoibler have shocked me.

Very well done! A vamp with a harley and an attitude to kill. Love this!! Where will she go?

Bernita said...

Simply brilliant!

AngelConradie said...

bucking frilliant piece! WOW WOW WOW!!!

Anonymous said...

is it a cop-out to say 'ditto' to all the above? ; ) .. great story, great writing .. wow!

Jeanne said...

Absolutely fabulous. And you made me just love her! Dinner, a Harley and $200 - one smart lady. Loved it.

Anonymous said...

Such lyrical prose. "The moon winked between her knees" and "He kept his boots on" say so much in so few words. Great job.

Posol'stvo the Medved said...

Well done.

"She licked her teeth."

How, oh how, did he not see what was coming? Only vampires ever lick their teeth when flirting! Duh! :)

Sarah Hina said...

Thanks again, everyone!

I think I'm most elated to have shocked Chris. ;)

I've had so much fun with this contest. Good luck to all!

Anonymous said...

Wow, a vampire! I did not see the coming.

Love the story and the surprise ending

Steve H said...

as a buffy the vampire slayer fan i really loved this!

Anonymous said...

Poetry, attitude, action, playfulness...what more can you want?? Tremendous scene. Tremendous writing. Highest marks.

Congratulations on First Place!!!

Aine said...

:D You know how vampires have been capturing my heart lately...

I absolutely loved the last two lines! The Clarity of Night crickets are cheering for you, Sarah!