Thursday, June 22, 2006

Entry #10

"The Marker"
by Flood


Jesus told me to stop.

We're here.

Anywhere, I begged him. Anywhere to hold my sins.

This is it.

I looked around the area. Remote enough. The utility pole, a makeshift cross of wires and wood, consecrated the ground.

There's no better place.

I nodded and opened my backpack to find the retractable spade. The bottom of the pack kept my oblivion, my ignorance of women. Some mistakes were better known only to God. Her mother's pleas echoed somewhere in my brain.

In time, as the moon hung low through the clouds, the hole of my faith was dug.

Better the sins of the father be paid through his spirit than that of the child.

Jesus rambled in riddles, but it didn't matter. She would be safe in His arms and I was willing to pay with my soul, rather than my future in this life.

She cooed softly as I piled on the dirt.

[When Flood is not writing, she's thinking about writing. Or writing about writing on FlashFlood.]

33 comments:

bekbek said...

Oh! I love this precisely because the creepy bits are so lightly touched upon! It's a sweet, soft story (with some creepy bits that I feel like I should see more clearly, but I can't... quite... make them out...). Well done!

Jaye Wells said...

Totally creepy, but good.

Jer said...

The last line was unexpected, which made it all the creepier.

anne frasier said...

loved it.

Scott said...

Ouch. That really hurt. In other words, great job!

Jeff said...

Creepy and good. Nice job, Flood. :)

emeraldcite said...

Dark, creepy. Nice work!

For The Trees said...

Oh, how cute! The cooing, especially.

You have a dark soul, Girl. Letting it out like this will lead to a long life writing murder mystery series, making tons of money. Are you ready for that?

Flood said...

Thanks, you guys. I'm sensing a theme with the 'creepy'

Forrest, I dunno if I'm ready for tons of money, but Mr would like me to hurry up and get on it.

Jim said...

Yowza. The ending was both expected and surprising at the same time.

Writing Blind said...

Flood, this is really good. The last line is like a punch to the gut. In a good way, I mean.

Anonymous said...

Wow! That was a good and creepy story!

mr. schprock said...

Brutal — magnificently harsh. Can I start breathing again?

September said...

very creepy indeed! interesting writing.

Flood said...

Thanks everyone! I just wanted to post again to allow Schprock to breathe. If it's not too late, of course. ;)

Anthony J. Rapino said...

Yummy. The dark stuff tastes so good.

Bhaswati said...

Dark and arresting. Your writing voice is powerful.

desiderata said...

Flood:

Overly ounishing. What's the SIN that deserves this?

Melly said...

Good stuff, Flood!
Good stuff!
Flowing very well and leads us in a straight line to the end, which is still a shocker but so in line with established character.

sandra seamans said...

Very creepy. Nicely done, Flood!

cesarcarlos said...

Very creepy, and you managed in such few words. Great job.

Cavan said...

Good job! Nice and creepy.

Amra Pajalic said...

Fabulous story. Had a lyrical quality that kept me reading and then the end just shocked me like a bucket of cold water. This is the sort of evil that I fear most. People who are righteous in their beliefs.

fringes said...

Jesus rambled in riddles. Great line.

linda said...

The hole of my faith was dug. I loved this.

Flood said...

Thanks everyone.

fringes and linda, you both chose my favourite lines. Thanks for liking them too.

sue said...

So many good lines in this piece:

"...makeshift cross of wires and wood, consecrated the ground."

"...the hole of my faith was dug."

"Jesus rambled in riddles..."

And then that final line, drawing what went before to that chilling conclusion.

Well written, Flood.

JLB said...

Excellent.

Anna said...

Wow! That was a creepy story. But it awesome in another sense. It made me question what the sins of the person was. Then ending was also very shocking. Well done.

INKcogKNEEdough said...

simply EXCEPTIONAL job flood. One of if not my favorite of them all.

"willing to pay with my soul rather than my future in this life"

thanks for a greatttttttttt story!

INKcogKNEEdough

Elisha Bridges said...

I agree with fringes..."Jesus rambled in riddles" rocks.

Nice going.

Elisha Bridges

jason evans said...

Flood, the "Jesus whispers" and pacing are great here. The first and last lines are powerful--just what you want to hook and then resolve.

Flood said...

Thank you Jason, and thanks to everyone who put me on thier Reader's Choice ballot. It really made me feel good.