Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Entry #19

Hunted
by Tami Friend


He ran toward the trees that were black as night. The air was thick carrying the scent of fear. His breath was labored, ragged in the back of his throat. Glancing up at the blazing moon, he tried to find hope in its beckoning light, something to tell him he was going to be okay.

Slowing down to a trot, he hooked a left to follow a path that led to what he hoped was safety. When he saw he was clear, he paused to try and catch his breath but then continued on. He had to get away, hide before she could find him.

Looking behind him, he saw the flicker of a flashlight scanning the forest. A whimper curled up his throat, but he didn’t want to give his position away. He heard a voice calling out his name. He quickly ducked behind a wood fence, out of the penetrating light.

“Robert James Sullivan, I’m coming out there to get you.”

From his position, he could see the enemy approach. He had nowhere to go. He held his breath as the flashlight’s beam swept by him. She approached again, this time stopping to illuminate his face.

“Robert, get off the ground. You need to come with me now.” She switched the flashlight to her left hand, holding out her right to pull him from his crouching position.

“Oh mom, do I have to? I didn’t get to finish my game.”

20 comments:

Jim said...

Hehe, saw that coming a mile away. But the beginning almost gives flashbacks to Jason's Flashlight Tag.

BoFire said...

The ending is great.

linda said...

Very light-enjoyed reading this one.

robert rohloff said...

Good story. Enjoyable!

Scott said...

Hey, that was a great twist. Inside the head of an imaginative child. Well done.

Bonnie Cehovet said...

Amusing story, but the ending was a bit off to me.

anne frasier said...

LOL! that was great, tami!!
i didn't see the ending coming. i started to get slightly suspicious just before the end, it completely worked for me.

Jaye Wells said...

I thought it was great! The ending made it.

Jer said...

Loved it. Reminded me of some of my "weird and wild" thoughts as a kid. Kids can make an adventure out of anything.

k lawson gilbert said...

Haven't we all been here at one time or another...great job. Loved the ending.

Tangasaurus Rex said...

Awwwww... I remember nights like that as a kid. The parents would have to come and hunt through the neighborhood and get us back inside for bed. It took me back, and it was a very fun read.

Joni said...

This is my kind of story. Very nice.

Bernita said...

The use of his full name was perfect.

Tami said...

Thanks everyone for your great comments! I had a ton of fun with this story and love this contest!

Writing Blind said...

I really liked this one, the voice was absolutely perfect.

Lisa said...

We never know where our childish imaginations will take us! Fun read!

Bhaswati said...

The story acquires a whole new meaning in the last line. What a clever twist! Good show, Tami. :)

Diana said...

:-) I love this story Tami. It just captured me with curiosity when I read it the first time, and I was wondering who he was running from and what would happen. The witty twist at the end made me smile. So well written! Bravo!

Nicky said...

Loved this story - brilliant capturing of childhood imagination.

jason evans said...

I liked the happy ending! I was thinking uh oh, the kid's gonna get it.