Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Entry #75

by Therese

"Oh, shit."



"You said you knew where you were going, are you telling me that you don't?!"

"No, Helen. I literally just stepped into a steaming pile of shit."

"Oh." She paused, calming down slightly. "Gross."

Although it was true that he had actually stepped rather directly into a fresh pile, Mark hadn't been entirely truthful. Not only were they actually lost, but the droppings belonged to an actual bear.

He wasn't sure how to get out, but was sure that she would lose it altogether if he admitted that. He looked up through the trees at the sun, which was starting to set. He was trying to keep calm, but it was difficult faced with her growing panic. He wasn't looking forward to telling Helen that they were about to spend the night a forest.

In Maine.

In April.

With no supplies.

"Helen?" He braced himself, finally resigned to facing the inevitable.

"Yes?" She looked like the calm before the storm, sensing that he wasn't about to share good news.

"We might… be… just… a little lost."

She glared at him, but said nothing.

"And I may have… stepped in fresh bear shit."

Her eyes widened, but still, she said nothing.

"Any ideas?"

"Glad you asked." She smiled and pulled out a compass and a bear bell. "I knew you'd get us screwed, but I didn't think you'd admit it so quickly."

Taken aback, he realized it in that one single moment: he had married a bitch.


Hoodie said...

I loved it until the last line. IMO she's not a bitch if she's totally right. :)

Still, a very entertaining read. I liked it very much.

Katherine Napier said...

Bitch had it going on, though...

angel said...

very entertaining! does a bear bell attract them or chase them?

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Brilliant bit of writing, with good tension and pace - but I'd agree with Hoodie, she's not a bitch - she's one smart woman! :-)

JLB said...

Nicely done.

Jaye Wells said...

Amusing piece, but I have to agree that Helen's getting a bad rap.

Therese said...

It's not so much that she's right that makes her a bitch; it's the fact that she expects him to screw up, waits until he does it, and is nasty about it.

But thanks! :)

Therese said...

The sound of bear bells warn a bear that there are humans nearby; they tend to avoid us if possible and noise is a deterrent.

Dottie said...

I think it's great. Clearly being a woman who is right and enjoys proving it often makes us seem like bitches, but what's wrong with bitches? I love it.

jenn said...

Agreed, Dottie. We need to reclaim the term!

Ann Ostrander said...

Loved everything until the last line -- I think he married one helluva woman.

Victor J. Banis said...

I'm not going to venture into that discussion, except to say it's a bitchin' story

Colleen said...

It's the best shitty story I ever read.

Amber said...

I think instead of viewing Helen from my point of view (bitch vs. right) I'm trying to picture her from Mark's point of view. And I can see why he would view her as a bitch. It probably made him feel better.

Great pacing and funny too.

Good work, T!

Terri said...

Woman saves the day? I, for one, love it!
Good dialogue, btw.

SzélsőFa said...

what a lively conversation - I like how the length of time they have been married shows. Bitch? Yes, from his point of wiev. Bitch, because she outsmarted him.

Bernita said...

Made me laugh.
Thank you.

apprentice said...

Funny piece, had she been taking secret readings on the compass? I hope so.

If not then maybe she was a liitle to blame. I'm also interested in the bear bell. Wish it worked for midgies, lol!

jason evans said...

No way, she's a keeper! Nicely done. Great dialog, pacing, everything.

High marks! A contender.