On the Second Stair
Spokes and tires rumbled up the dirt road overgrown. Paulie disappeared before a passing car saw him. Six o'clock was close.
Wind sizzled in the dried leaves, and autumn's moods were blowing. Back and forth. Unsettled.
Paulie reached for the storm doors. He stood and waited for the wind to change again.
It happened. Bits of red sun poked through the continents of clouds. Because the day was older than yesterday, the steep shadow from the Hickory tree now claimed the second stair.
He stepped down one.
He stepped down one more and went no farther.
He closed his eyes as the anxious sky smeared out the sun again.
Mornings loved the mornings smelling your hair when you passed and walking in that slow extra way sorry yes sorry I'm paying attention homework yes I mean no I mean I tried to do my homework but I okay I'll go to the board if you want I'll go and the smirking kid in front doesn't know you hand me the chalk and I touch my finger to your finger natural like and I and I can't make the numbers in my brain because your skin isn’t real I can see through it or sink into it and disappear I could disappear in the round smooth skin you want me you don't want me to see I can't you know I can't stop touching your neck slick and sliding neck is climbing your neck is faster your neck oooh and your neck is going it's going it's STOP YELLING I know it's dinner time Jesus I know I'm coming
6:02 p.m.
Paulie's breaths fluttered as he stumbled back up the two steps. If the sun were out, the shadow would have passed to the third stair.
The storm door banged closed, and fat, sticky raindrops splattered him from the charcoal sky.
On to Part 3.
17 comments:
It's getting creepier by every step. I hope when total darkness attacks it will shed some light on the story, too.
:-P
The second step seems to elicit slightly less scary thoughts than the first...
I'm intrigued.
"Because the day was older than yesterday" - yum.
Like those layers.
"Autumns moods were blowing" - love that. And "because the day was older than yesterday."
I also like trying to figure out the mystery contained within the thoughts.
I'm starting to form theories about what's going on. You give us just enough for suspense and intrigue, but not enough to be able to have any idea of what's going on. Can't wait to see what's coming.
I think, like Jaye, I have some interesting ideas about where you are going to take this, although one might be a huge red herring. But I got confused - He reaches for the storm doors, then I know he is walking down two stairs and stops and it sounds like he goes back up two steps when the storm door (which I am visualizing behind him) bangs closed and he starts getting wet. I realize now that he must have stepped past the storm door and is back outside but you don't say that and it is implied. OK - I understand now. Never mind.
I guess you are going to take us down step by step. This thought is chilling, what will he find down there? And the italics, what story are they trying to tell us. Great stuff Jason.
A boy in love/lust with his teacher. Then he was punished. Jesus says NO WAY. Who has he become?
"and autumn's moods were blowing. Back and forth. Unsettled."
Again, I love the way man and nature reflect each other.
Oh, this is good!
I just want to push him down faster...hehehee!
Szelsofa, darkness shedding light...a great way to put it! I think you're precisely correct.
Anne, ...slightly less scary thoughts. I'll try to remedy that. ;)
Bernita, thanks for peeling them! It makes it fun to put them there.
Angela, the thoughts are definitely the key. I hope you enjoy the little journey.
Jaye, this is one my usual mad scientist experiments. A relatively static scene and time with only a stream of consciousness to move the story. So far it's working, I think, but the pressure is on!
Ello, one thing I'm learning from this piece is how strange not going straight down a flight of stairs is. Because it's such an unusual action, I'm fighting against confusion. Sorry about that. I'm trying to add more for clarity.
Verilion, step by step, in both ways. Physically and mentally. Also, you get to go down with him in the photos.
Mermaid, who has he become. Ah yes, that is the question. Perhaps he'll tell us. =)
Church Lady, I just had an image of a SNL skit. Shove. Thump thump thump. Groan. :)
How very interesting, Jason. I like it and can't wait to see what follows. You have some very beautiful images in there - powerful writing. And the thoughts - yes, you captured the normal incoherence of them. Very good!
Looking forward to the third step!
The bark on hickory trees scares me. Such a suitable tree for this story. Still can't figure out what the hell is going on, but I'll be patient...
Vesper, thanks for the kind words. :) Look for the next installment Friday.
Anti-Wife, soon, very soon.
Electric Orchid, no use spoiling the suspense this early. ;) The next piece will start painting a picture, I promise!
The size of each one of these, wordwise, is completely readable. Now on to part 3. (See, I waited until I could do two at once before reading the second one. Tricky me.)
i am loving this!!!
Ybonesy, size is such an important element in blogging. Long fiction can be a tough sell.
Angel, thanks. :)
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