Sunday, July 13, 2008

Entry #19

Anywhere But Here
by Posolxstvo

Where you been?
Out riding?
Honestly, I have no idea
Why you bought that goddam thing
Just gonna wind up dead in a ditch.
First your father leaves,
Then you'd be gone.
Christ, what would happen to me then?

I hope you weren't drinking.
Bad things can happen
When you drink and drive.
Especially riding a motorcycle.

Did she go with you?
I don't like her.
Thinks she's better than us -
All uppity!
She's no better than us.
Comes from the same damn people as we do.
What do you see in her?

Could you fill me up,
As long as you're up?
This much whiskey,
Then ice,
Then soda.
There should be a new bottle under the sink.
Oh, don't look at me like that -
I'm not driving anywhere.

That recruiter called again.
I told him you're going
To community college next year.
That's still your plan, right?
We talked about it.
This way you can live at home.
Save money.
Don't have to get so damn deep in debt.

Oh yeah. There's a notice from
The electric folks.
Second notice.
Could you call them
Before they shut us off again?
I should do it, but I just
Love it when you take care of me.
You're so good at that.

Well, where you going now?
You just got home.
I left you some pizza
In the fridge.
It's awful late.
Why are you always leaving me here

Just tell me where you're going...


Charles Gramlich said...

A lot of pain here. Interesting how I can see exactly what the non-verbal character is doing and feeling despite you never showing them. Good stuff.

Sarah Hina said...

I second Charles--this is an amazingly adroit description of the son, too. Very original take.

Her pain and neediness are going to eat him alive. I hope he gets out while he can. Those words could eventually suffocate him.

Strong and highly effective writing. I thought it was wonderful.

JaneyV said...

I agree wholeheartedly with Charles and Sarah, what is amazing here is how you've managed to paint the character and life of the son, the one who never speaks. How he is imprisoned by guilt and manipulation by this needy, lazy, controlling mother. It's a painful picture you paint and you do it with great skill. So very very clever.

Well done.

kgilbert said...

Good imagery and description. I "saw" the whole scene. Well done. I love this entry!

Wannabe Writer said...

Sad portryal of an alcoholic and her child. I could picture the whole vignette. It drew up some very disturbing feelings in me.

Well done.

Posolxstvo I said...

aw, shucks (blushes). thanks.

Odd what a motorcycle inspires you to. How many stories about death and suicide are there in this batch? Having ridden quite a bit, I just couldn't go there.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

The plea of a lonely alcoholic mother,my heart goes out to her.

Beautiful verse!

Sheri said...

OMG! I just want to yell to the son (I assumed it was a son...) to run! Leave! Go to college out of state!. I love the way you wrote only one side of the conversation. It made me feel like I was the MC and she was speaking directly to me.

Nicely done!

sis-in-law said...

Pos - Congratulaions! So well written. This entry will haunt me for a while.

BernardL said...

Begs the question 'if you have to ask, you'll never know'.

SzélsőFa said...

This monologue reveals a lot about things this piece does not actually tell.
A great entry, and how strange that this was also inspired by the very same photograph.

September said...

So sad. So disturbing. As much as I feel for the mother, I pray the son leaves. He can't save her. He needs to save himself. "Go....just go...anywhere but there."
(I know that sounds cruel. My heart does go out to her. Alcoholism is awful.)

Great writing.

angel said...

omg PLEEEZ don't let me be a mom like that...

Scott said...

It took a while for me to make it to this entry, but I'm sure glad I did. Great portrayal of the characters both. I could see the alcoholic and pathetic mother, and the kid trapped forever in taking care of her. Moving and very well done. You can be proud of this one!

Dottie said...

I really like this. So much about your narrator comes through in how she thinks about her son. You deftly created two fully developed characters but only showed us one side. Love it.

Beth said...

I already commented, but once again the Blogger gods ate it. Humph.

Take away the booze and that's my mom and brother. Very sad tale.

Vesper said...


laughingwolf said...

so much said by implication, love it!

Linda said...

This story is so packed with emotion. Great portrayal of the addict/parent and the damage that type of relationship can do, without the child ever saying a word.

Posolxstvo I said...

Everyone -- Thank you so much for your supportive feedback. I love how each commenter seems to have a unique viewpoint on what I have set out in front of you.

jason evans said...

I'm suppressing the urge to run. Run really fast and in any direction. That was super effective. Very authentic dialog and progression. High marks.

Congratulations on the Honorable Mention!!

Aine said...

Don't walk, run!

This is excellent! I can hear the mother's voice so clearly-- you've captured her perfectly.