Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Entry #102

Thin Air
by Tysdaddy(The Cheek of God)


“Can we ride it again, Pappy?”

His expectant plea sounded a cavernous echo inside the hood of the woman’s teal Atmosuit. Through the tinted visor she gave the child a wink and then returned her gaze to the dawning horizon.

In the distance rose the Downtown dome, a bulbous skyline nestled like a skull in a desert plateau. The Helibus glided over smaller domes directly below, thriving hives of humanity dotting the shores of the arid Minnesota riverbed, once a verdant topography, now bathed in shades of honey gold by a mustard yellow sun.

The child gripped her hand tightly as they docked at the main entrance of the Mall of America and alighted upon a conveyor leading into the airlock bay. Quickly stowing their Atmosuits, they donned blue jeans and cotton sweatshirts smelling of manufactured lilacs and industrialized country breezes, then ran past the guard, bound for the escalator.

It rose before them, an ancient three-story staircase of motion and steel. Airlifts were the thing nowadays, but these relics remained, awaiting the arrival of those nostalgic for the days of old. On this floor children played with Legos, an homage to the creative spirit of their ancestors. At the top awaited Stadium 16 where classics such as The Sound of Music, or 3D, CGI nature retrospectives ran on the hour and visitors could witness a world uncluttered and alive, before the air turned thin.

“Ready?”

She and the child turned their gaze downward and stepped slowly and deliberately aboard.

17 comments:

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Nice futuristic take!For all we know,it might happen someday :)

strugglingwriter said...

This was a nice look at the future. Nice work. Great descriptions.

I’m happy Legos survived into the future. Not so much for things like “Mall of America”

PS I wrote this on your blog but I thought I'd post it here.

Paul

The Preacherman said...

Being a bit of a sci-fi nut I really liked that a lot. Ta very much.

er...did Subbuteo Table Football survive? Please say it did ;-)

JR's Thumbprints said...

Reading 80 some stories, I've been searching for a spaceship escalator. I thought I had found it, but you went retro. Nice job.

laughingwolf said...

well said... :)

tysdaddy said...

This is my first entry here, and I must admit that the word limit challenged me. There are things about this story that bother me in retrospect . . .

"Airlifts were the thing nowadays"

This sentence is just wrong. The tense is irritating . . .

And now, I simply must flesh this whole thing out in a longer piece. I have many things that just didn't make the cut and yet stand out in my notes.

And this is my very first attempt at sci-fi. Kind of a trip . . .

Thanks for the comments, everyone. I will be checking back often for more advice and criticism . . .

McKoala said...

Genre in 250 words; well done. Nice story.

Lena said...

thats some cool try of sci-fi. nice take on the prompt! Liked the way you managed it in just 250 words :)

BernardL said...

Very imaginative

Karen said...

You have created a whole world in 250 words! Amazing!

one more believer said...

powerful statement... manufactured lilacs and industrialized country breezes... now that is scary!!!... renee #45

pjd said...

I love that it takes place at the Mall of America. I'm assuming the curved escalators of San Francisco Center have been lost to history in this future world? You've illustrated the vision nicely with vivid color and the manufactured scents. I like also that they change into mall clothes once they get inside.

Catvibe said...

Wonderful imagery, I really liked the world you created for us.

Sarah Hina said...

I like that you conjured a believable future here. One that still feels familiar, but demonstrates change as well. It's nice to imagine people nostalgic for our own time and interests. :)

And yes, I, too, was dazzled by those manufactured lilacs and industrialized country breezes. Great writing, and fascinating premise, Tysdaddy.

tysdaddy said...

Thank you all for your comments. It was a fun story to write.

I used to be able to see the MOA from my balcony south of Minneapolis. I watched it being built. And I spent way too many hours playing with Legos . . .

September said...

great imagery - nothing like the good 'ol days (um, today)
nice futuristic take
good writing

jason evans said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!