Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Entry #112

In Blue
by John McAuley

Highway To Hell was too easy a title to use on the first bastard I killed. Tangled Up In Blue worked better. It's a Dylan tune. I like Bob Dylan. Some of his songs are about justice.

Second bastard I killed, I called him Blood On The Tracks. Yeah, A Dylan album. Albums are longer than songs-- and that son of a bitch had a long time to think before the train cut off the parts of him I hadn't already broken.

Third one was the hardest. Couldn't get him by himself. I tailed him to the mall and got behind him on the escalator. I tapped him on the shoulder, introduced myself when he turned around, then shot him in the face. But not before fear turned his lips gray.

I'm well known around town. Figured I was I.D.'d before anyone even looked at the mall camera video.

They'll probably send SWAT. And my partner too. I hope they can't find him. I hope he went out for a beer after he got off duty.

I look at the picture of my daughter, taken the day before those three got her. She'll never see seventeen.

She'll be forever young. Just like the song.

Cars are pulling into my driveway... I turn up the volume to Knockin' On Heavens Door and hope for the best...

21 comments:

Karen said...

I love the way you marry the music to the story!

laughingwolf said...

nicely done, i'm a dylan fan also :D

JR's Thumbprints said...

The storyline reminds me of Gran Torino. Revenge can be deadly.

Selma said...

This one really packed a punch. I also liked the musical references. I wouldn't mind hearing more!

McKoala said...

Great use of the music and a powerful little story in itself.

September said...

vengeance - I'd do it too if someone hurt my daughter.
Vengeance and songs - good work.

Lena said...

Good work.. adding music to it made it really different.

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Liked the way you have painted the protagonist,from a cold blooded murderer to a father seeking vengeance.Not to mention the clever use of apt songs!

Good one :)

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

A gritty tale of vengence - very skillfully written! Love the musical references -

BernardL said...

There are consequences for taking a man's daughter. Oh yeah!

sandra seamans said...

I love how you always turn a story upside down. I was so sure he was a hit man. Great story, John!

Anonymous said...

Thanks all! I thought about linking Dylan's 'Knockin' On Heavens Door' Youtube video [not the one were he sings it live] because of the lyrics regarding the badge and gun but decided not too. I tried to be subtle re; the main character being a cop--hopefully I wasn't too subtle.
John McAuley

Aine said...

Great storytelling! I loved this!

I like Bob Dylan. Some of his songs are about justice.

Perfect lead in. Your use of songs is so clever (and not corny which is an achievement!). And, your characterization of the cop is very real. A very satisfying read-- great job!

L'uragano (The Hurricane) said...

very nice twist, very fresh using the songs...love to read more.

Jimmie Vee said...

I like the underlying theme that this is built around. Seems like your narrator is "Tangled Up In Blue" lights at the end.

Scott said...

I'm a sucker for musical references. Enjoyable read and well written.

pjd said...

Nicely contained, complete story that shows the motive, the action, and the backstory all in one small nugget. Nicely done.

Catvibe said...

Very great. I enjoyed the names of the murders and that they are Dylan songs. I liked the fact that the tone was light even if the subject matter was heavy. I smiled throughout the read, but I am sorry that he is going to go to jail for his revenge! JR's reference to Gran Torino is right, although Clint's revenge had a different twist altogether. I won't spoil it, great movie though. I enjoyed your piece very much.

Carrie said...

Fantastic. This is one of the most "complete" pieces I've read. Action, reaction, the twist that it's in reverse. Good work.

Sarah Hina said...

I think my favorite part was naming the second bastard after an album, because he took longer to kill. It's details like that that really set a story apart.

Excellent work, John. The story unfolded with just the right amount of grittiness and surprise. And yes, the musical references were inspired.

jason evans said...

Congratulations on the honorable mention!

Great job with pacing, entertainment value, technical skill, storytelling, and voice! And welcome to the Forties Club!!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest.