Thursday, January 08, 2009

Entry #17

Up is Fine
by Victor Bravo Monchego, Jr.


To reach my appointment with Dr. Bramhall, I must go down. This is my problem, going down, lowering myself, stooping, falling, collapsing.

Bramhall and I developed a coping mechanism for the escalator. I stand backwards on the descending escalator, hence the illusion of going in the opposite direction. Up is fine.

Once I spent two days on the 60th floor of the US Steel Tower. Bramhall came and tranquilized me and I went down in a gurney.

Down must be avoided. If you spend your life going downward, one morning you will find yourself at the bottom, covered with parasites. Alone, loveless, penniless, degenerate, powerless to control your life. Up is fine.

Bramhall has me on Luvox this month. Before that it was Risperdal M tabs. They did nothing but I like the way they tasted. Before that, I was off-label.

Bramhall is too beautiful, I think, to be competent. Today I am looking forward to challenging her on this point. To be honest, I am not entirely certain that she is human. Once I came to my appointment early. I spied. She was reproducing asexually in her office. There was slime all over her tube feet. A pink bud was protruding from her gastrovascular cavity.

Bramhall is trying to put me down. But I am smarter than she. I will trick her with my spoon lure. It works for fish. Why not her? Then I will string her up like a halibut. Up is fine.

29 comments:

Ruinwen said...

I loved how you used the mental ups and downs of obsessive compulsive disorder to tie into the theme. :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

That was so unique!

Leatherdykeuk said...

I liked this. The paranoia was a surprise.

Sarah Hina said...

Sometimes crazy can make sense.

Loved your take, with the obsessiveness and paranoia. Before that, I was off-label was a great shot of black humor. And the weird descent that followed was just right.

Desperate to be up...to be above. Ingenious writing, Victor.

Geraldine said...

Loved reading this, very creative. I am a person who cannot go down on an escalator (sometimes not up either) so this resonated with me even more, on another level. Bravo!


www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com

Victor Bravo Monchego, Jr said...

Thank you, all. I appreciate the feedback. I look forward to reading all the entries, a few at a time, between therapy sessions.

laughingwolf said...

a unique take, thx victor :)

peggy said...

here is a fine start to a horror story! Theres a fun bit of scarey in here...now go take your therapy LOL.. great job, going up anyone?

Aerin said...

Um. I'm going to look twice at my psychiatrist next time I'm there....

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Deliciously bizarre! You have created a great little story here.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Your character reminds me of the OCD prisoners in our horticulture program. They're given the task of weeding the garden. Their determination is evident.

Bramhall, in his own way, is filled with determination; it's in his voice.

BernardL said...

Intense and horrifying

JaneyV said...

The repetition of up is fine is so beautifully obsessive compulsive. Repetitious and self-comforting. I love the image of him traveling the down escalator backwards. This was a terrific piece. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Ello said...

I loved this! I thought it was brilliant!

Dottie said...

Strong in so many ways. Great piece, Vic.

SzélsőFa said...

somehow I feel sorry for Dr. Bramhall.
The story gave me some chills and I visualized the MC with his crazed look in his eyes.

The Preacherman said...

I feel at home with loonies.

I like this a lot for what it's worth. Ta for the read.

McKoala said...

Brilliantly psychotic and well written.

Catvibe said...

Well written description of a mental 'illness', I love the hallucinations of the psychiatrist. I enjoyed this.

JR's Thumbprints said...

So Dr. Bramhall was doing naughty things to herself and he spied her. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

ceedy said...

Intense and well written.

Terry said...

Victor, this is great writing. "Bramhall is too beautiful, I think, to be competent," is a line I wish that I had come up with. Your final paragraph is quietly chilling. I wonder how you sleep at night. Yikes!

Jimmie Vee said...

You're speaking my language here. Unpredictible = original, thanks for straying off course.

September said...

crazy beautiful
it works - I liked it.
loved the ending - paranoia to the end

Terry said...

I really enjoyed this story. Congratulations on placing so well in this fiercy talented arena.

Aniket Thakkar said...

I guess I saved the best to the last... this stands out unique creating its own genre... congratulations on your truly deserving win! I wish I had read it sooner!:-D

pjd said...

I like the pacing most in this, and the meandering stroll from precise self-awareness to fantastical insanity. Others have already said what I was going to say otherwise.

jason evans said...

Congratulations on 4th Place!

Great job on pacing, entertainment value, technical skill, storytelling, and voice! And welcome to the Forties Club!!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest.

Victor Bravo Monchego, Jr said...

Thanks to all that make Jason's cyber community so successful. And thanks Jason for being a generous, kind host.