Thursday, January 08, 2009

Entry #26

Reversal
by Paul Liadis


Swinson cackled as his eyes adjusted to his new reality. A grand escalator leading into the sky rose majestic before his eyes. He stepped out of the nothingness onto the moving staircase.

Thinking of all of his colleagues who had given away their precious time and money to charity, Swinson laughed. He had done none of that, yet there he stood, where they aspired to be.

If only he could be present for the reading of his will. To see the look on the pathetic faces when they hear his wish to be buried with his fortune would be to die for. They said he couldn’t take it with him. Ha!

In an instant or possibly an eternity he arrived at the top. The view was spectacular. All of creation lay sprawled at his feet on the earth below. The old man stepped forward.

“Isn't it a bit warm up here?” said Swinson to the man at the front of the not-so-pearly gates. “And I'm not really sure what the stuff looks like, but I don't think there's supposed to be brimstone in Heaven, is there?”

“Heaven? Quite the opposite Mr. Swinson,” chuckled the man in the crisp red suit as he opened the gate to reveal the horror inside. “We switch places ever few millennia. They go down, we go up. But do not despair. We have a special place reserved just for you.”

Terror gripped Swinson and he wept, the tears of the Doomed dampening his cheek.

33 comments:

laughingwolf said...

nice twist, paul :)

Lena said...

just where he deserved to be.. nice narration here :)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

That was clever,not to mention well deserved! :)

harshad said...

'we switch places'. really nice!

peggy said...

hey you had mee going, great job, nice twist!

Gottawrite Girl said...

I love this. I'm serious. It's surprising & completely fresh ~ reminds me of the play, "No Exit," by Jean-Paul Sartre.

Outstanding.

sawan said...

wow, loved the deserved twist!!

Ruinwen said...

Loved the unexpected ending. Such a great read. :)

wrath999 said...

Very cool stuff here. Very imaginative.

Jaye Wells said...

Nice reversal of expectations, Paul. Good job!

Leatherdykeuk said...

Good twist!

Kay Lynn said...

Awesome story! I loved it!

Sarah Hina said...

Those tears are going to burn right off...

I, too, really enjoyed your switch in perspective, Paul. His black heart and smug self-satisfaction deserved a fall. ;) Strong writing, and nice characterization!

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Great story - I agree with everyone...nice twist and he got what he deserved!

Catvibe said...

Funny little reverse polar twist here, heh heh!

BernardL said...

That'll learn him. Very entertaining parable.

Vesper said...

I love your story, Paul!
Great writing, with a well defined character and just the right amount of dark humour! Excellent!

September said...

Apparently he was able to take it with him - all his hate and greed - and all the way to the top, too.
Good job.

JaneyV said...

I love that God and Satan are in cahoots to shake things up. How fantastic that this greed-filled awful man got got so good. (that was a truly awful sentence wasn't it?)

I enjoyed this piece very much. I'm a sucker for a bit of dark humour.

Chris Eldin said...

I remember your last piece was quirky and different! Great voice!

Senorita said...

loved it...nice twist in the end...

Ello said...

I laughed at the switched places! Great job Paul!

lissa said...

great story and sort of expect Swinson to be surprise, after all, he wanted to burial with his fortune

RiverSoul said...

This is so much different. So unique.
:)
Loved the twist.
Even in death, the guy didn't want to part with worldly pleasures... Deserved exactly what he got.:)
:)
Nice story.
:)
Thanks for reading mine.
:)

kathieshoop said...

Awesome twist there--REally nice piece...more?

strugglingwriter said...

Thanks for the comments everybody. You have no idea how many times I've refreshed this page, curious about who had read this.

You all keep me writing. Thanks for that :)

Carrie said...

Highly enjoyable piece, refreshingly written.

Steph said...

I really enjoy flash fiction. It's a challenge to fit setting and character and story into such a small space, and you've done it very well!

Thanks for sharing this with me!

ceedy said...

Liked the humor...nice twist

bluesugarpoet said...

"But do not despair. We have a special place reserved just for you." I knew the devil had a devilish sense of humor. Wickedly funny piece!

jana

Beth said...

I came looking for just a few writers this time because I just don't have time to read them all and you were one of them. This story is exactly why -- loved it.

strugglingwriter said...

Thank you Beth. That means a lot to me. Really :)

Paul

jason evans said...

Great job on pacing!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!