Thursday, January 08, 2009

Entry #27

Ascension
by Vesper


Ben dashed down the moving staircase, the stolen wallet bulky in his jeans’ pocket. Behind him, in the beehive noise of the mall, shouts rose, though barely above the thunderous pounding of his heart. He jumped steps by twos, oblivious to the disapproving looks his rough flight elicited.

Midway on that endless descent, a stroller halted him, but before he could jump around it, his eyes fell on her.

She had stepped onto the bottom of the climbing staircase, a slim silhouette in a pink two-piece suit, a luminous face in the halo of blonde locks. Ben thought of swans, of roses, and rains of apple blossoms. He had never seen anything that beautiful, that elegant.

She didn’t smile, only her gleaming gaze lingered on him, a warming caress in it. He held his breath, all else forgotten. Too slowly, too quickly they got closer.

Soon their hands on the rubber handrails passed each other, the idea that his could’ve brushed hers numbing to Ben, the whiff of her perfume dizzying. Even then, she did not avert her azure eyes.

As she passed on her way up, he twirled around to watch her, a mesmerised automaton, forever in love.

When he realised she was soon going to float beyond his sight, he leaped at last, only back up, not towards freedom.

“There he is!”

He allowed Security to restrain him, struggling only to see past their shoulders. To see her, his sweet impossible unattainable angel, for a few moments more.

31 comments:

laughingwolf said...

hooked me with that, v... thank you :)

Lena said...

i liked the way you described his emotions towards her... not saying much but yet saying a lot.
Beautiful!

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Nice imagery!Well done :)

harshad said...

sweet...'mesmerized automaton', thats cool!

Catvibe said...

Nice Vesper. The contrast of such completely different realities, that moment of escape he finds in the woman's eyes before being caught has a delightful irony.

Scott said...

All I can say is that she better appreciate it when he gets back out! A lot.

peggy said...

lots of interesting things going on at the same time, cool story!

sawan said...

luvd it!

Betty Gordon said...

A lot of emotion. Great job!
Betty Gordon
www.bettygordon.com

Aerin said...

Hey Vesper! I feel like Jason's contests are like a high school reunion, only in a not-creepy way. I liked your characterization and that tingle when you see an "angel" (Christian Bale counts as an angel, right????)

wrath999 said...

Love conquers all. Risked everything for love. Great job

Ruinwen said...

This was such a beautiful piece with so much emotion. It was a joy to read. :)

strugglingwriter said...

Great story. Well written as always.

Good use of all the senses.

Paul

Aniket Thakkar said...

Don't really know whether looks can kill... But you surely proved looks can get you caught! :-D You surely have got my vote!

Leatherdykeuk said...

Lovely piece

Sarah Hina said...

Vesper, I like him so well, in spite of his larcenous heart! ;) He found a bigger prize...for a few sweet seconds, anyway.

I love the leap here. We are foolish in love. Even overcome.

Beautiful story of longing, Vesper! In spite of its necessary restraint. :)

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

Ah, gee... I hope that someday they get together. (hopeless romantic)- your story is written with great skill and a lot of talent. Enjoyed it very much!

BernardL said...

Well written piece, Vesper, with a thread of wistful hope somehow the guy will straighten out his act and find her against all odds.

Are we allowed anymore to have eyes fall on someone? :)

JR's Thumbprints said...

Insurmountable odds, in time, can be conquered through love. I liked the POV shifts between the two.

JaneyV said...

Even a thief can't be so bad if he's willing to risk capture just for another look on the face of an angel.

What a wonderful story Vesper. I have to admit to really liking your pickpocket in love.

Ello said...

Very nice piece! And redemption in the end. Gotta love it!

Vesper said...

Thank you everybody for reading and commenting. It is very, very, very much appreciated! :-)


(Aerin, yes, he does! :-) )

Chris Eldin said...

This one made me smile!! Very romantic---if only to be that woman, the kind to bring a criminal to justice with her beauty!
Very nicely written!
:-)

one more believer said...

giving up freedom for a lasting glance.. who knew... excellent story with a wonderful pace... can you imagine the story they'll tell their kidz on how they met... betting on a future together of course!

Aniket Thakkar said...

I have written a spoof story of sorts on Ascension.... do read it when you get time! http://foolishnessofthings.blogspot.com/2009/01/fyeo-ascension-revisited.html

You are a character in it as well! :-D

bluesugarpoet said...

Perhaps *she* was the the inspiration for that song, too ("you're beautiful" by james blunt)? Unforgetable, mesmerizing... Nicely written tale!

jana

Vesper said...

Thank you again, everybody! This is very much appreciated! :-) :-) :-)

September said...

A sweet face can be dangerous. Very cute. Enjoyed the story a lot. Good job writing it.

Terry said...

Vesper, you did a great job with this. I like how your word choices (luminous face, halo of blond locks, float beyond his sight) foretold the image of this unattainable angel. Love how he went from one bondage to another. Nice work!

Aniket Thakkar said...

Well the results are out... and I still believe that you deserve a spot in the forties club... you topped my list on reader's choice award! You did an amazing character sketch!

jason evans said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!