A Bullet With My Name
by Harshad Deshmukh
The world passes me in a rush, the people around me a general blur. I run through the long corridors of the mall, taking every turn, hoping not to run into a dead end. I can hear Amrit panting behind me, her heels making it impossible for her to keep up. Ducking behind a rack, I ask her to take them off.
The two men following us run past. I have an idea.
I tear the tag off a jacket and put it on. I tell Amrit to wear a scarf and follow a few steps behind. Strolling casually, I walk out the exit, only to be stopped by a security guard.
Perfect.
I see Amrit walk out. The guard takes me to the security officer. He is easy. I grease him to let me off. Hoping Amrit might have escaped, I walk towards a security exit.
Then she screams.
I rush back inside, only to find the two men holding some girl hostage. I feel like a fish on a hook. They point their guns at me. I run for the stairs leading down to the basement. Petitioning God, I jump, shots whizzing past me.
They follow me down, when I see Amrit. Shocked to see her there, I tell her to run, but she walks towards me.
She walks towards me, puts a gun to my heart and pulls the trigger. Falling to the ground, the last thing I see are her feet, moving heavenward on an escalator.
Friday, January 09, 2009
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24 comments:
why did she do it? left me somehow wonder.. but nicely written :)
That was mean of her!
Nice description :)
dang destiny... cannot outrun the wind
Honestly, at the first line I thought - hmm, action, good, but, seriously, where can this go? And then that gosh darn Amrit! Nicely done!!
I can visualize the action here. I wish I knew the reason behind the running and the double-cross. Hard to do in 250 words or less.
Odd story. I love the deception.
suspense thriller!!
I like the lethal betrayal here. And his last vision, while on the ground. Very effective.
You accomplished a complex story for 250 words. Nicely done. :)
thanks a ton everyone! :-)
The pace of this was amazing. So much action packed into only 250 words. The double cross was a complete surprise too. Well done.
packed a lot of tension - skillfully done
Great compilation of thoughts. Leaves a lot for us to guess whats behind the closed door. :-D
in this case, better in the heart than the head....
very stylish...good action..loved the pace...
lots of action and adventure, make it longer so we know the rest :) Good work!
Thrilling...make it longer and add to it...its an interesting story...leaves one wondering why?
ouch! I take it there's no part two then?
That was excellent old bean. Thank you. Well enjoyed.
A lot of action, and it is well written action indeed. The story was hard to buy because you can't figure out any reason why she would do such a thing, both the betrayal, and the committing of a crime in front of all those witnesses. This needs a second chapter! I hope to read it someday because you are a great writer.
A whole lot of thanks to everyone! I will indeed make it longer and credible for everyone...thanks again!
A very engaging tale of betrayal. And pretty fast paced. Nice :).
Solid action here with a great twist at the end.
Gripping tale from beginning to end. I love the ambiguity - so many possibilities! - jana
Wow. She ended up being the bad guy. For him anyway.
This story had it all - action, betrayal - loved it. Good story. Nicely written.
Great job with pacing, entertainment value, technical skill, and voice! And welcome to the Forties Club!!
Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest.
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