The Valentine’s Date
by JaneyV
A tinny voice announced the arrival of the 6.30 train from Birmingham into Platform 6. I was making my way up from the underground with the hoards on their way home. I’d been promised a night of romance. It was February 15th.
“But your show de-rigs at 2.30pm on the 14th - why can’t you just come straight home for a change?”
I was jostled from behind to keep moving - the flow of bodies taking me endlessly upward to the mainline station. I looked across at the commuters going downward into the bowels of London. A woman was holding a large bouquet of roses, ignoring them. Another afterthought.
“Gotta go to the after-show drinks. It’s tradition. I’ll make it up to you - meet me off the train on the 15th. We’ll have our romantic dinner then. Dress up if you want.”
I stepped off the escalator onto the concourse of the main station. Even in the rush I spotted him easily holding some garage-bought flowers in one hand and waving at me with the other.
“Look at you! You look amazing.”
“You didn’t dress up?”
“Tonight’s all about you Babe.”
“Right. Where to then?”
“Anywhere you like. As long as I can get a burger I’ll be happy. You know I hate that shit you eat.”
I stared for a second before answering quietly, “Well … I won’t eat shit any more.”
I could tell by his smug grin that pleased him.
Then I turned and walked away.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
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34 comments:
Yeah! Good for her. Nicely done story.
serves him right, doesnt it?
Good job, Janey :)
LOL! great job...poor guy!
very nice...loved the end...
Sandra, Lena, Harshad and Senorita, thank you very much for your comments. It's so lovely to get feedback ;0)
I loved the way she turned her back oh him!It's lovely how you have connected the "ascension" with her predicament :)
Well done!
You painted a nice picture for me. I could see your main character walking along as if they were talking on cell phones before the date.
Oooooh, very nice job! I loved how details struck me without being told. Well done. And I loved the ending.
nice one, janey, you did it! :D
I love how her self respect caught up to her here. His offhand way of treating her deserved a hard turn of the back.
Well written story, and convincing dialogue, Janey. Her transformation was very satisfying. :)
yay - love cheering for her. Wish I were as brave as she is. Great job on the story.
You really brought out a lot of history in 250 words. And you left the audience cheering. Good luck to her.
JANEY. That was AMAZING. Just really really wonderful - well done!!
good dialogue - well written story
Realistic feel to this.
It's great when one decides enough is enough. Great read.
Good for her, finally had enough! Great piece of writing :)
Good for her. Well done.
Wow folks - thank you so much for all the encouragement. It's really appreciated.
I'm afraid that I've messed up my neck and shoulder on the right making normal typing agony so I'm doing this with one finger, left handed. I hope to be able to comment on the newer entries soon when then painkillers kick in!
I loved the realism and the ending. I like a character with a backbone.
good lesson for the guy as well as for those who take other granted:)
nice story
Hey, I said I was sorry. :-)
Nicely done, Jane.
LOL @ Pete. Jane, this is still one of my favs.
Tsk, Pete.
'Dress up if you want' - oh the thoughtless cruelty of man! Lovely ending. I know this was a departure for you, and it worked!
So much is said in between the lines of the dialogue.
Very well-written.
I could tell by his smug grin that pleased him.
Then I turned and walked away
Love that last line. Well done!
Nice job Janey! I laughed outloud at the end. I hope she takes herself out to eat a divine meal now.
Great work Janey... Our stories are in away exactly opposite! :-D
But am glad she stepped up! Superb ending!
Can I ask her out for dinner...
Liked it...
Janey - I loved your story! A superbly satisfying end to being second fiddle for the last time. This is one of my favorites!
jana
Janey, wonderful dialogue and a lesson to us all, in more ways than one! I think the lines, "I’d been promised a night of romance. It was February 15th," speak volumes. Such wit throughout!
Excellent, Janey! And I loved the ending! :-)
Serves him right after all the blunders.
I enjoy your style! Congratulations on placing so well amongst so much great talent!
Hey everyone thank you all so, so much for all the wonderful commentary and support. I'm still all raspberry rippled (cockney rhyming slang!) but I wanted y'all to know how much I appreciate the fantastic camaraderie of this contest. I met most of my blogging friends right here at Clarity of Night and have learnt so much about writing through their friendship. It's been a joyous interactive mentoring program initiated by the wonderful Mr Evans. Thank you so much to Jason. I'm thrilled to bits, I really am.
Congratulations on the honorable mention!
Great job with pacing, entertainment value, technical skill, storytelling, and voice! And welcome to the Forties Club!!
Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest.
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