Sunday, January 11, 2009

Entry #49

The Valentine’s Date
by JaneyV


A tinny voice announced the arrival of the 6.30 train from Birmingham into Platform 6. I was making my way up from the underground with the hoards on their way home. I’d been promised a night of romance. It was February 15th.

But your show de-rigs at 2.30pm on the 14th - why can’t you just come straight home for a change?

I was jostled from behind to keep moving - the flow of bodies taking me endlessly upward to the mainline station. I looked across at the commuters going downward into the bowels of London. A woman was holding a large bouquet of roses, ignoring them. Another afterthought.

Gotta go to the after-show drinks. It’s tradition. I’ll make it up to you - meet me off the train on the 15th. We’ll have our romantic dinner then. Dress up if you want.

I stepped off the escalator onto the concourse of the main station. Even in the rush I spotted him easily holding some garage-bought flowers in one hand and waving at me with the other.

“Look at you! You look amazing.”

“You didn’t dress up?”

“Tonight’s all about you Babe.”

“Right. Where to then?”

“Anywhere you like. As long as I can get a burger I’ll be happy. You know I hate that shit you eat.”

I stared for a second before answering quietly, “Well … I won’t eat shit any more.”

I could tell by his smug grin that pleased him.

Then I turned and walked away.

34 comments:

sandra seamans said...

Yeah! Good for her. Nicely done story.

Lena said...

serves him right, doesnt it?
Good job, Janey :)

harshad said...

LOL! great job...poor guy!

Senorita said...

very nice...loved the end...

JaneyV said...

Sandra, Lena, Harshad and Senorita, thank you very much for your comments. It's so lovely to get feedback ;0)

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

I loved the way she turned her back oh him!It's lovely how you have connected the "ascension" with her predicament :)

Well done!

JR's Thumbprints said...

You painted a nice picture for me. I could see your main character walking along as if they were talking on cell phones before the date.

Ello said...

Oooooh, very nice job! I loved how details struck me without being told. Well done. And I loved the ending.

laughingwolf said...

nice one, janey, you did it! :D

Sarah Hina said...

I love how her self respect caught up to her here. His offhand way of treating her deserved a hard turn of the back.

Well written story, and convincing dialogue, Janey. Her transformation was very satisfying. :)

September said...

yay - love cheering for her. Wish I were as brave as she is. Great job on the story.
You really brought out a lot of history in 250 words. And you left the audience cheering. Good luck to her.

Aerin said...

JANEY. That was AMAZING. Just really really wonderful - well done!!

K.Lawson Gilbert said...

good dialogue - well written story

BernardL said...

Realistic feel to this.

wrath999 said...

It's great when one decides enough is enough. Great read.

peggy said...

Good for her, finally had enough! Great piece of writing :)

Leatherdykeuk said...

Good for her. Well done.

JaneyV said...

Wow folks - thank you so much for all the encouragement. It's really appreciated.

I'm afraid that I've messed up my neck and shoulder on the right making normal typing agony so I'm doing this with one finger, left handed. I hope to be able to comment on the newer entries soon when then painkillers kick in!

littlesaintnick1995 said...

I loved the realism and the ending. I like a character with a backbone.

Kunjal said...

good lesson for the guy as well as for those who take other granted:)
nice story

pjd said...

Hey, I said I was sorry. :-)

Nicely done, Jane.

Aerin said...

LOL @ Pete. Jane, this is still one of my favs.

McKoala said...

Tsk, Pete.

'Dress up if you want' - oh the thoughtless cruelty of man! Lovely ending. I know this was a departure for you, and it worked!

Mette said...

So much is said in between the lines of the dialogue.

Very well-written.

Meghan said...

I could tell by his smug grin that pleased him.

Then I turned and walked away

Love that last line. Well done!

Catvibe said...

Nice job Janey! I laughed outloud at the end. I hope she takes herself out to eat a divine meal now.

Aniket Thakkar said...

Great work Janey... Our stories are in away exactly opposite! :-D
But am glad she stepped up! Superb ending!

ceedy said...

Can I ask her out for dinner...

Liked it...

bluesugarpoet said...

Janey - I loved your story! A superbly satisfying end to being second fiddle for the last time. This is one of my favorites!

jana

Terry said...

Janey, wonderful dialogue and a lesson to us all, in more ways than one! I think the lines, "I’d been promised a night of romance. It was February 15th," speak volumes. Such wit throughout!

Vesper said...

Excellent, Janey! And I loved the ending! :-)
Serves him right after all the blunders.

Terry said...

I enjoy your style! Congratulations on placing so well amongst so much great talent!

JaneyV said...

Hey everyone thank you all so, so much for all the wonderful commentary and support. I'm still all raspberry rippled (cockney rhyming slang!) but I wanted y'all to know how much I appreciate the fantastic camaraderie of this contest. I met most of my blogging friends right here at Clarity of Night and have learnt so much about writing through their friendship. It's been a joyous interactive mentoring program initiated by the wonderful Mr Evans. Thank you so much to Jason. I'm thrilled to bits, I really am.

jason evans said...

Congratulations on the honorable mention!

Great job with pacing, entertainment value, technical skill, storytelling, and voice! And welcome to the Forties Club!!

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest.