Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Entry #93

Flight of the Grievous Angel
by David Cranmer


Sixteen years and life was over because of Heather Nicks...

We had been enemies since kindergarten when I had the upper-hand because of my intellect. In middle school, I learned a hard fact of life: boys preferred tits over brains and Heather’s double Ds stole Spoon away from me. With him went my self-confidence.

Daddy had given me money for the mall to take his “angel’s mind off boy troubles,” but, as the escalator rose carrying me to the second floor, my heart sank deeper.

There they were, smiling, coming toward me on the down escalator. Heather wrapped an arm around her trophy, grabbing his package in a signal of victory, and Spoon sheepishly lapped up the attention. My heart leapt back up into my throat, choking me.

When we were evenly matched, our eyes locked—Heather winked. A volcano of fury erupted in me.

I scaled over the handrails to the other side, descending into rage. Car keys extended, I plunged them into Spoon's neck and pulled them out in a swift motion. Blood gushed freely; the three of us tumbled to the bottom. I began wildly digging at Heather’s face with bare hands.

***

I’ve been in juvenile detention for a year now. Spoon survived, but he’ll think twice before crossing another girl. As for Heather, she will be reminded of me every time she looks in the mirror.

Sadly, Daddy thought he was helping that day, but instead, this grievous angel settled a score and took flight.

20 comments:

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

You have depicted a teenage girl's frustrations so well :)

Good one!

sandra seamans said...

Nicely done, David! You captured every teenage girl's frustrations perfectly. Great story!

Lena said...

Good work to picture the feelings and emotions of the girl. She does not seem to regret a thing though.

Aniket Thakkar said...

I just hope many women don't take inspiration from her... or us men are doomed! :-D Great depiction of mixed emotions!

Charles Gramlich said...

A bit of nastiness there. Something I always enjoy.

Patsy said...

Not exactly the forgiving sort, is she? Nor one to accept the responsibility of her actions - it's all Heather and Daddy's fault. She's believable though.

laughingwolf said...

real tough one, that broad :O lol

Amrita said...

OMG!!! That was graphic, but well written......
Your story just goes to show what its like to be a frustrated teenage girl.... So guys dont mess wid us!!!! lol'z

Scott Parker said...

As odd as it sounds, I have a special place for bleak stories. This one is admirably bleak. Best line, as a man, was this: "and Spoon sheepishly lapped up the attention." No better way to describe a teenage boy newly with a girl.

Jacob Weaver said...

Ouch, I feel bad for Spoon. Heather ruffled the feathers but Spoon takes the shiv. I guess he had a 50/50 shot and he chose wrong. Great story!

Sarah Hina said...

Ouch, David! This one hurt, but oh so wonderfully. I love how you described her attack here. And her long-simmering resentment. I actually felt a pang of sympathy for her, in spite of myself. ;)

Heather's scars were a great touch. And the wink that set off the devil inside of your MC. Great work! Fully realized story for 250 words.

C.A. Riddell said...

Your MC's a nasty piece of work, but enjoyed the writing and the realism. In fact, it's this gritty, less than ideal depiction of life which makes the piece stand out. Good job.

JR's Thumbprints said...

This is my kind of story. Well told.

Jimmie Vee said...

You gotta love a good cat fight. This reminds me of my prom date for some reason - Thanks for the memories!

Catvibe said...

Well written, you had me from the start. Not a nice ending! But good to show consequences for such drama and reckless passion. I loved the wink.

Aine said...

Yikes! Kids these days...
:)

Great job! I loved the first paragraph. Reminds me of the movie Heathers.

David Cranmer said...

Thanks everybody for the kind words and special thanks to Jason and Sarah for inviting me to join in on the fun.

bluesugarpoet said...

Funny - I think that same scenario played out yesterday at the school where I work! Wild how you captured that crazy teen nastiness so perfectly. - jana

September said...

Ewww....yeah! Something some of us only dream of. (ok, not that bad)
I feel as if I read much much more than just 250 words. You packed so much into this. Really good job. Very graphic. Great job.

jason evans said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!