Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Entry #98

Emotional Atyachaar
by Hiren


"Don’t ... I said Do NOT. Dare you step on the escalator!!!" shouted Karla at the top of her voice.

"Why are you doing this to me? You very well know that I have to get to her in time ... she ain’t going to wait for me even a minute after 9:30." I tried to plead with her while hopping on to the escalator.

"You have to make a choice today ... its her or me this time ... either you get down from the escalator or you don’t see me again..." she shouted beating her previous decibels record and ensuring that all nearby eyes gave me obtrusive glances.

"arggghhhhh .... GOD save this world from the emotional blackmail power of girls ..." I mumbled beneath my breath as I reached the first floor and got off the escalator only to take an about turn to the flight of stairs going down...

"Okay miss drama queen, happy now??" I teased her after sauntering down to the mezzanine floor where she was standing with a triumphant smirk on her otherwise innocent face.

"Darling, you are such a sweet heart!!!" she said restoring back her innocent smile.

"Anything for you dear; so which stupid hindi movie are we going for?" I mocked her again whilst thinking about the aftermath of missing the last Metra train to my town... 40 dollars cab fare to AMC, 50 dollars to drop her home, 100 dollars to reach my home :-(
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15 comments:

Sameera Ansari said...

Glad you submitted it!

Made a good read :)

January 14, 2009 2:06 PM
JR's Thumbprints said...

I'm trying to visualize their ages. His teasing her is authentic.

January 14, 2009 7:41 PM
Hiren said...

@Sameera -> Thanks !!! I wouldnt have done it without the confidence that you guys gave me. :)

January 15, 2009 12:24 AM
Hiren said...

@JR -> I did visualize them as 24-28 years singles, when I came up with the story. Thanks for the observation about teasing. I wanted to bring out the guys's inner feelings while he tries to find a balance between his emotions and his monetary constraints.

January 15, 2009 12:25 AM
Lena said...

Am also glad you submitted. Like i said i liked it. Such a realistic piece. As if it is about the people next door :)

January 15, 2009 4:08 AM
Hiren said...

@Lena -> Thanks !!! Yeah. this story portrays real life emotions :)

January 15, 2009 9:37 AM
Margaret said...

Great down-to-earth story.

Something we'd see every day while out shopping. Very realistic.

January 15, 2009 3:37 PM
Sarah Hina said...

Looks like she has him wrapped around her little finger. :)

Very realistic take, Hiren. I hope they saw a good film this time around! :D Nicely realized story, with the fun, chiding feel of a true, young relationship.

January 15, 2009 7:58 PM
Hiren said...

@Margaret -> Thanks Margaret.

January 16, 2009 12:56 AM
Hiren said...

@Sarah -> yeah, she sure has him wrapped around. :) Well, about the movie, the guy was so involved in calculating the dollars and how he would balance his bills as it was already month end; that he didnt even realize which movie they saw :)

thanks a lot for the motivation and wish you good luck with the success of your novel.

January 16, 2009 12:56 AM
Catherine Vibert said...

Aw man! This woman is going to cost him an arm and a leg. He should have kept going and gotten on the train! Nicely written.

January 16, 2009 3:57 PM
Hiren said...

@catvibe -> ha ha ha ... emotional blackmailing did work on that poor chap. thanks !!!

January 17, 2009 2:45 PM
Esther Avila said...

poor guy....but you can't help but laugh. Nice work in telling the story.

January 18, 2009 5:44 PM
Hiren said...

@September -> thanks !!! :)

January 19, 2009 1:03 AM
Anonymous said...

Thanks for being a wonderful part of the contest!

January 20, 2009 10:37 PM

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