Sub Rosa
by Meghan Sullivan
"Beautiful," I murmured. Kanji raised an eyebrow at me.
"What is?"
“The wine,” I lied.
"Oh."
Kanji picked up his glass. Scarlet liquid gently flowed and ebbed over his lips.“It’s good.”
"Yeah."
"Uh...it's made from special grapes and stuff, right?"
"Bordeaux."
"Is that like...French or something?"
"It’s a region in southwest France."
"Wow." The crystal made a soft clink as he set it down on the faded mahogany table. "Hey, Kirin.You sure you wanna waste this stuff on me?”
“It’s not a waste.”
“Yeah, but…I guess you think I'm pretty stupid. Punk like me don't know nothin' 'bout wine. I mean, here we are graduating from college and already you’re one of those wine carnivores”-
“Connoisseurs.”
He grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, one of those. A sophisticated dude like you...” Kanji shook his head. “Sometimes I wonder why you waste your time hangin’ around someone like me."
"Do you like it?"
"Huh?”
“The wine,” I lied again.
“Oh. Yeah. It's like, real fruity." He looked at me uncertainly. " Is that...is that the right word?
Grapey, maybe?"
I smiled sadly. "Grapey is good."
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Listening for the words in a quiet corner of the night. The fiction, poetry, and photography of Jason Evans.
About Me
- Aine
- Collaborator and night owl.
Past Contests
- "Elemental" Short Fiction Contest
- "Uncovered" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silhouette" Short Fiction Contest
- "In Vino Veritas" Short Fiction Contest
- "Ascension" Short Fiction Contest
- "Running Wind" Short Fiction Contest
- "Whispers" Short Fiction Contest
- "Restless Dawn" Short Fiction Contest
- "Halo" Short Fiction Contest
- "Endless Hour" Short Fiction Contest
- "Silent Grey" Short Fiction Contest
- "Lonely Moon" Short Fiction Contest (with Anne Frasier)
- "Midnight Road" Short Fiction Contest
- "Two Lights" Short Fiction Contest
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19 comments:
Oh, this is so sweet and sad. Nice romantic twist.
Awww.
grapey for the goof... works for me!
You have elegantly captured their casual conversation and from it, you can tell how much they've hung-out together.
Great dialogue makes for a great tale
alex
yeah that'd be me...."Grapey"
Felt right at home in this story
Four Dinners
Nice one! I really enjoyed the dialogue and the comfortable rapport between them.
i like the way this unfolds - but i am a little stumped. seems to be some unrequited (or unnoticed) love simmering in this - i just can't tell from the names if it's boy/girl or boy/boy. i assumed boy/girl but then "dude" threw me. then that made me wonder about the choice of "grapey" over "fruity".
it doesn't affect the subtlety of emotion you captured or the gentle, almost acquiescent melancholy you've given it - it just makes me wonder if there is more complexity here than meets the eye or if i'm just being over-analytical.
either way, it feels young and warm and i like it.
I could very well connect to the punk over here. The flow of dialogue was perfect.
Dialogue fiction is my absolute favorite (Thats all I write these days :P) so I might as well be biased here when I say I like it. :)
This is beautifully and subtly done, great dialogue and story telling. The poignancy is so well captured.
I'm a 'grapey' guy myself. :)
Joaquin channeled me when he wrote his comment... only he did it with more panache and better vocabulary. So read his twice, cuz I agree.
(And I assumed it was boy/boy.)
Pete assumed boy/boy because he lives in San Francisco.
Okay, I thought it, too, which gives a tremendous backstory to this piece that's already so sweetly done. Love it.
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful comments! It's so wonderful to get feeback, positive or otherwise because it helps me grow as a writer.
And to joaquin carvel et. al: you're not being over-analytical at all. ;)
great dialogue.
I'm gonna throw my hat in the ring for boy/boy.
Very sweet. I must admit that I have been the unobservant object of affection in a similar situation.
As far as I know Kirin is a boy or girl's name. But I think this story works best if it's a boy / boy relationship. I loved how you showed so much though the dialogue. Really nice job.
Cleverly done. Could be boy/boy or boy/girl really. Though I'd like to think it is boy/boy.
Sad - if only they could read each other's thoughts. Love simmers.
Boy, she's trying, but there's not much to work with, is there? Very well done!
Very high scoring.
Congratulations on Honorable Mention!!
Your restraint and subtle use of dialogue shows real skill. I really liked this one.
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