Untimely Truths
by Stacie McElroy
“You’ve never mentioned that before.”
“Sure I have; I told you years ago.”
“I’m pretty sure I would remember my best friend telling me he was in love with me.”
“Like I said, it was a long time ago. You probably forgot.”
“Women don’t forget things like that, Rob, no matter how long ago it was.”
“It doesn’t matter now anyway. I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“You don’t think we should talk about this?”
“No, Abby, I don’t. I think you and I have had too much wine and I need to get you home to your fiancé. We can’t have you hung-over at your rehearsal.”
“Right… I think I need a minute.”
“Are you okay? You’re such a lightweight.”
“It’s not the alcohol.”
“Abby, don’t make a big deal out of this. I got over it a long time ago. Everything’s fine. I’m not going to make a scene and crash your wedding screaming ‘Marry me instead.’ I promise.”
“You’re not?”
“No, of course not. I like Jeff. He’s a good guy and you two are going to be very happy.”
“Right… it’s just that…”
“You’ve had too much to drink. Come on. I’ll get us a cab.”
“No, it’s…”
“You’ve got cold feet? You’re scared of change? What?”
“Shut up! Just shut up! I have been waiting 10 years for you to say that you love me, and you wait until 2 days before my wedding to finally say it. What am I supposed to do now?”
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Listening for the words in a quiet corner of the night. The fiction, poetry, and photography of Jason Evans.
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- Aine
- Collaborator and night owl.
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- "Elemental" Short Fiction Contest
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18 comments:
Ah. We finally know what would have happened if "Hamlet" had been a romance.
I seriously hope she calls it off!
Nice.
abby... follow your heart, babe
A romantic story told through dialogue ... and wine, coaxing the truth between two people.
But will he love her when he's sober?...cynic that I am.
Great dialogue
That isn't going to make the wedding day a gem, now is it? Poor Abby. Nice dialogue. Very smooth.
there is still time! Run away with him girl! Go!
Oh what to do, what to do, what to do! :)
Spot on with the diaglogue. Nice job.
I love dialogue fiction the most... and this was perfect. Go Abby, go go!
Though I kinda feel for Jeff. But she should runaway right now than not being able to love him with all her heart.
She's right. A woman never forgets something like that.
Which one of them has more money?
Seriously, though--who would you rather have, the one that didn't feel strongly enough to say anything for ten years, or the one that actually proposed?
What is she to do now, indeed. Still, I have a few female friends who might insist this is a good problem to have. (Imagine Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinnie stomping her foot on the porch of the shack, saying, "My biological clock is tickin' like this...")
I'm always in awe of dialogue-only pieces; even more in awe when they work well - super!
Hah, Pete! More money indeed.
This is very well done. I had no problem following who was saying what and with picturing the scene. Excellent.
I think that the dialogue was seamless and you wrote an excellent piece here. Pete brought up an interesting point about which fella she should plump for. I rather think neither. The fact is Jeff deserves more that to be the guy she settled for and Rob needs to grow up.
You should feel really proud that your piece rang so true that we're discussing the "what next?s" of your characters. ;0)
Beautifully written. I felt like I was right there, listening to the conversation. If she has been waiting 10 years to hear it, he never said it - she would have remembered. You did a great job at pulling the reader into the middle of this. The story/conversation flowed flawlessly and in such few words you managed to get into my head 10 years of memories. I could see them hanging out, talking, laughing, crying - all the best friend stuff - and all along, her heart loved him. As hard as it seems, she needs to stop the wedding - it is the only fair thing to do for herself and future husband. If it was meant to be - she can still marry him later, with certainty that it was the right thing....or she may end up with best friend - and know she made the right decision. Great dialogue.
Ouch. The moment is gripping and painful. Very believable dialogue. Great job!
Perfect score.
Congratulations on Honorable Mention!
Thank you all for the kind comments and words of encouragement. I had fun with this piece.
It takes a lot of skill to tell a complete story through dialogue alone. Excellent job!
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