Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Entry #147

Last Orders
by Lizzy Martin


Lucy’s heels clicked across the linoleum floor of the bar. Let them look, she thought, ignoring the curious stares of the clientele. They were of no consequence to her.

‘A large glass of Merlot,’ she said, her eyes not making contact with those of the barman.

She climbed upon a stool, her long fingers wrapping around the stem, finding comfort there.

She lifted the glass to her lips, the sweet scent of dark cherries and plums seducing her nostrils, the familiar raw desire catching in her throat. God, she needed this. After the day she’d had. To face what was coming tonight.

‘Stood you up, has he, love?’

Lucy turned to the man at her side; late twenties, wayward hair, kindly eyes.

‘What? No, I’m not waiting for anyone.’

‘You up for some company then?’ he asked, one corner of his lip upturned.

Lucy put the glass down, the moment spoilt.

‘No. No, I’m not. Thanks.’

‘Hey love, don’t go. I didn’t mean anything by it. What about your drink?’

‘You have it,’ she called over her shoulder, eager now to leave the place.

Outside, she breathed in the cool night air and dashed across the road to the building with the red peeling paint on the door. She climbed the stairs, eased open the door and took her seat, acknowledging with a small nod of her head the others.

She steadied her breathing, waited, and then she stood up and said,

‘Hello, my name’s Lucy and I’m an alcoholic.’

18 comments:

JR's Thumbprints said...

No casualities here, even though her date was temptation.

Ello said...

Excellent! And really well portrayed!

laughingwolf said...

nicely done...

Christina said...

Redemption. I like it.

Laurel said...

Go, Lucy! Great ending. Refreshingly uplifting.

Ranee Kaur Banerjee said...

I like the hope in your story. Very nicely written. You've captured her tension and struggle perfectly.

rebecca said...

Nicely done...

Catvibe said...

Saved by a would be suitor and a tiny strand of her own conscience. Recovery is hard work. Very well written.

As the Mind Meanders said...

The strength of your story is in its simplicity... its everyone's story... and to grab someones attention through something that isn't hyperbolic requires serious skill... often unnoticed skill... hats off... I loved this one...

Aerin said...

I totally saw this as an intro to a Law and Order episode - I know,that makes me weird, but it's also a testament to the visual power of your writing

BernardL said...

Close call.

pjd said...

The bloke at the bar seems nice but a little too forward. He'll end up thinking about her for a bit, then forgetting he ever met her. Which is OK.

I like the opening paragraph best, with the heels, the curious stares, her dismissal of them.

September said...

This was great. I loved the scene you painted as she entered and the ending scene was perfect. I was wondering where she was going...
Very good job in writing this.

Aniket said...

We've had almost the same ending line in two stories here, yet they couldn't be more different and amazing.

Liked this one a lot. The character build up and the visualization was just perfect.

Loved it.

JaneyV said...

Well done.

Chris Eldin said...

Strong writing and a lovely piece. I like the hope this one offers.

jason evans said...

That was really powerful. Needing a drink to handle the AA meeting. Sounds very real.

Perfect score.

Congratulations on Honorable Mention!!

Jaye Wells said...

Congrats on the honorable mention. I enjoyed the irony and the poignancy of this one.