Thursday, July 09, 2009

Entry #15

The Wine Speaks
by Carrie Clevenger

I've drank all my belly can entreat,
but your ghost won't stop tickling my feet
as I step on broken glass,
and old photographs
Taken of me at fifteen.

With a drowsing head
among the sleeping dead,
and the cat-calls in the dark,
I bravely embark
On this lonely trip of self-discovery.
Engulfed in my personal misery
I sift through the bones
of the broken homes,
and what I had time-after-time,
and the destinies entwined.

I feel so heavy
at times like these;
pink butterflies flutter in my
chest cavity.

I can't help but think
I've already passed the brink
of my inhibitions,
and the secret admissions
of the finest hells;
Oh yes, the wine compels.

Turn the next page
to re-engage:
I embrace
your face
in my memory;
A distant city
where I used to live.
I've yet to forgive
how it came to pass:
You filled your own glass
of wine
and left mine

Forgive me
for being me,
and never seeing,
and never believing,
that love could last eternally.
So easy to find romance
when you dance
that divinely.
Do you really want me?
Make a stance
and take your chance,
and maybe you won't end up
quite so empty.

The music was sweet, but
this wine can't be beat
To temporarily treat
The loss of a heart complete;
gone in a wink.
An endless endeavor.
And just to think
I used to want to live forever...


JRVogt said...

Poetry is quite alive in this contest so far. A beautiful piece, speaking to one's lost love.

laughingwolf said...

ah yes, what too much wine conjures up...

Chris Eldin said...

I really like how this poem feels. It's a realistic stream of consciousness. Nice one!

Carrie Clevenger said...

Thanks everyone for reading my poem, especially commenting.

Unknown said...

Nice one Carrie. It has a melancholic longing singing through it.

JR's Thumbprints said...

For some reason I would've given it this title: "The Wine Speaks before the County Morgue." It's probably too revealing, too suggestive. Still, I like the following stanza:

I feel so heavy / at times like these; / pink butterflies in my / chest cavity.

It's all about the realism.

Tessa said...

As compelling as it's moving. Beautifully written,

joaquin carvel said...

love the meloncholy in this, and the variations in rhyme give it a conversational feel. well done.

Karen said...

I'm a fan of rhyme - any time, any time - and so really like this. the rhyme scheme is truly conversational. Good job!

Briony said...

Love this, something we've all experienced..

Sarah Laurenson said...

Love the changing rhyme scheme. The flow is awesome.

The Preacherman said...

Bloody hell!! I don't like poetry.

First whoever it was and now you. I'll end up liking the bloody stuff at this rate.

I really really like this.

For what that's worth...being the heathen I am.

Thank you. I'm learning here.

Four Dinners x

BernardL said...

lyrical and tantalizingly bleak.

PJD said...

I struggled with the syncopated rhyme on my first read. Then I read it again, expecting a broken meter and not letting it distract me, and I came to like this very much. I think it would be better read aloud.

Carrie Clevenger said...

You guys are super. Yes, it was written as spoken word. It's just how I think. It's weird huh? 134 entries so far. Not a chance, Clevenger...but totally and complete blush for all the warm praise.


Grégoire said...

This is really compelling. I've read it a couple of times now.

You should write more verse.

Stina said...

Absolutely gorgeous. Reading this through is like swimming through your heart. It's stunningly alive. Well done. Very, very well done. It makes me smile and ache all at once.

Gary Corby said...

I'd like to hear this set to music. It's lovely and sad.

Heather said...

As your work always is, it's wonderful. I love the glass-is-half-empty imagery especially.

Pamela Glasner said...

I sift through the bones
of the broken homes,
and what I had time-after-time

Speaks to my heart, my gut - honest and poignant - universal experiences and feelings. Beautifully expressed!

Thanks for sharing this!

Chris Chartrand said...

I really liked this. I agree that it is better read aloud. Have you thought of posting audio?

Dorothy F. Shaw said...

Awesome Carrie! I love your writing darlin' Thanks for sharing.

mwachsmann said...

Wonderful, Carrie. I love to read your work.

j.c. said...

i think the intro needs some re-tooling. at first the ryhmes are jarring and the words somehow seem less than genuine. (opinion obviously.) from "i can't help but think" on, however, you find your rythym and the words and thought really merge into expression.

i wish i could be more constructive, i'm not much of a poet. overall a good piece, but i see in it the potential for much more.

Unknown said...

Hi :)
A great evocative poem with sharp imagery which pierces the reader.
Thank you for sharing it.

ditty said...

Really enjoyed this. Very evocative and a little melancholy. Well done.

Simz said...

Not my usual style---I'm very peculiar with poetry---but I love this. Sounds more like a blunt, open confession and apology than meaningless pretty words wrapped in a rhythm. Very nicely done.

Anonymous said...

Bloody brilliant. Well done, as always. :)

Jade L Blackwater said...

I really feel the weight in this poem. I like how it reads in a long stream.

JaneyV said...

Beautiful poem. I found the changing rhyming scheme fascinating. I think it reflected inner dialogue beautifully. Lovely work.

Anonymous said...

The interlocking sentences and rhyme worked well. Lots of rhyme can sometimes become very forced, but for most part, this read strong and fresh. High marks for pacing and storytelling.