Thursday, July 09, 2009

Entry #16

Dilutions
by Scott Ennis


Contractions were wrong after only eight weeks, but that was what the drug was designed to do. Regardless, eight weeks or eight months, contractions marked the end.

Carin bore down and grabbed the porcelain rim of the toilet as the tight spasm inside her squeezed again like an angry octopus. Her response to the sudden wave of pain was a low, animal grunt and the simultaneous release of ambiguous tears from both eyes. The dead fetus inside her also released and fell into the water-filled basin in a warm rush of blood and bits of flesh. Carin drew her left hand across her tears and flushed the toilet with her right hand.
***
Grief is an idiot in a philosophy class; it listens without understanding and speaks without reason.

Carin spoke to Grief of how deserving she was of a child, how much love she had to give. Grief responded by pouring another glass of Shiraz from a dwindling bottle. The wine glistened like diluted blood.

In vino veritas, her Grief asserted.

We’ll see, Carin replied.

The answerless ceiling spun overhead and a painful wave of nausea pushed Carin into the bathroom. Bleary-eyed, she cradled the toilet in her arms and stared briefly into water tinged wine-like with the residue of earlier blood. Carin vomited heavily into the basin bringing unambiguous tears to her eyes. She wiped her face with her right hand and flushed with her left. Beside her kneeling legs a wine bottle lolled: lifeless, empty.

You lied.

22 comments:

Catvibe said...

God Scott, that's like a punch in the stomach. Excellent. Not used to seeing anything to far outside of iambic pentameter from you, so this is especially nice for me to read.

laughingwolf said...

both powerful and compelling, scott

Laurel said...

Very powerful. I like the "ambiguous tears/unambiguous tears" dichotomy.

I also really liked the angry octopus...

Laurel said...

Scott-

I tried to contact you through the link but couldn't find an email. If you get the chance would you click through to mine?

Tkx.

JR's Thumbprints said...

Horrific subject; yet, seemingly appropriate imagery.

Tessa said...

Her pain, her grief....so relentless. The imagery is startling and oh so memorable. "Beside her kneeling legs a wine bottle lolled: lifeless, empty." Beautifully written - I'm in awe.

Chris Eldin said...

Excellent writing--powerful and raw. This has got to be one of the top contenders!

aniket said...

Very strong piece. And like JR said it has a dark imagery that suits this perfectly.

Therese said...

You really made me feel for her in that moment. Well done.

joaquin carvel said...

this is brutal. moreso in the second read. but i really love how it's tempered with flashes of the abstract - the poet in the prose, i guess - that give it a visceral as well as a complex power. excellent.

Kunjal said...

you depicted the true feelings:)the story grabs you from the first word till the end:) totally agree this is going to be a top contender:)

Karen said...

This is outstanding, Scott. The contrast in detail and structure pull it together and grief as a character really works.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Very powerful. Very.

The Preacherman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Preacherman said...

Very powerful and, for me, strangely frightening.

That is some writing old bean.

I have no idea what an 'iambic pentameter' is and I'm not sure I want to know...;-)


Four Dinners

pjd said...

Raw and direct. Uncomfortable.

Gughan said...

There is such a huge background story to this.

Raw and intriguing!

Dottie said...

The emotional resonance of your story is very raw. But the writing is very smooth. Great job.

Jade L Blackwater said...

Clear writing and powerful imagery. I like the metaphor of the wine bottle and the fetus - it made the final connection for me.

Laurel said...

This got shortlisted for me the first time I read it and has stayed there ever since. The very short list. I have three "definites" and this is one.

You've taken a wretched moment, described it so perfectly I relived it, and did it with gentleness and an odd beauty.

IMHO true art is a piece (words, painting, music) that evokes the intended emotion from the audience and connects the creator and audience with the commonality of shared experience or emotion. You nailed it with this one.

JaneyV said...

Reading this is like being punched in the solar plexus - it's its absolute truth that is so frickin' powerful. Well done Scott.

jason evans said...

Very vivid. The harsh presence carried it for sure. The pain and colors. The cold presence of the toilet.

Welcome to The Forties Club!!