Patience
by Wavemancali
“Happy anniversary baby”, Jen said as she poured the wine. “Do you remember when we first met? Can you believe it’s been 5 years?”
Mike poked the fire, shooting sparks up the flue. “Actually, that’s not true. I’ve been planning this trip to the cabin for quite some time now to surprise you. It’s really been 8 years.”
“What are you talking about? We met at Monica’s wedding in Santa Barbara in ’04.”
“No, no, that’s when we were formally introduced.” The poker rolled around in Mike’s hand getting hot to the touch, the point took on a dusky reddish hue. “We met for the first time in SoHo in ’01. I had a beard then, that’s probably why you don’t remember.”
“That can’t be right. I was still going to UCLA in ’01. Plus, you... beard… eww.”
“Yup, you and Monica had been out club hopping and were driving home, but you had a little too much to drink.” Mike said. “You were driving your dad’s Volvo, and you plowed into my minivan.”
“That’s not funny Mike, you know I still have nightmares about that night.”
“Oh, I know it’s not funny Jen. You killed my wife and daughter that night.” He approached her with the poker. “Eight years… I honestly never thought it would take this long to make you pay.”
Jen screamed and ran for the door to find it locked.
“I hope it doesn’t take this long for Monica.” Mike said as he swung.
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Listening for the words in a quiet corner of the night. The fiction, poetry, and photography of Jason Evans.
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24 comments:
Yikes! What a twist at the end! It's amazing how many ways a glass of wine and truth can be portrayed.
Enjoyed this one very much.
alex
Whoa. Pay back is a #&^%*@.
Now we're talkin'!
uh-huh... gotta watch those bearded ones ;) lol
One of the best I've read so far. Great job.
I took that right between the eyes. I knew something was coming with the fireplace poker but had no idea what.
Nice setup. You managed to take the typical "When we first met" conversation and flipped it into something else. I'm still wondering whether someone could actually go to those extremes in order to get their revenge. I guess you never know.
Great atmosphere. Great unfolding of the event. Well done!
Already left a comment but I thought you might like to know that this is sticking with me. I thought about it in the car while I was driving and wondered about someone who could still hate another person that much after so long and getting to know them at that level...
Good work.
@Laurel
And that is worth more than any prize in the contest. Knowing that it sticks with someone.
Loved this plot too much to even try and assess the writing.
Makes me wanna go back read The Count of Monte Cristo all over again.
That is a long time to hold onto such a morbid secret. It makes me wonder how he could be intimate for so long holding onto that vengeance. And how she could be so romantically inclined so as not to notice that things weren't so rosy after all. Nice writing, and thought provoking.
So much in so few words---sounds like this is part of a novel? It could be, if not. This would be quite a story to tell!!
very well written:)love the twist:)
Wow! This is class. Well enjoyed it.
Four Dinners
Echo catvibe.
That's a long time to hold on to such a grim plan, infiltrate another person's life, and not warm up to them at all. Has he no sympathy whatsoever? She has nightmares, which means she has remorse. I hope the rest of the story involves Monica, the busty and beautiful young detective, discovering the clues to Jen's murder and foiling Mike's attempt on her life with the help of hunky young EMT Bif Cooper.
Edmond Dantes held on to his thirst for vengeance longer than that.
Good Story
Ooh, suitably dark - revenge is a dish best served cold, eh? Good stuff!
What a ride... an just 250 words... cool... thank you
Blog Gore
Wow. Powerful twist at the end and I liked the back and forth between them. The conversation starts off casual, but then...! Great job.
I know the title is patience but I'm thinking "psycho"!! It's a difficult thing to get one's head around - cultivating over 5 years the trust of somebody that you despise so much. I hope he enjoys his cold dish of revenge.
Yikes! Quick to the point (no pun intended)!
Yes, that's some serious patience. That was a might nasty surprise for her.
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