Who Ya Gonna Call?
by Kenneth Weary
Hunting ghosts is hard work, but it paid the bills. I reminded myself of that as I ran through the dank halls of Westin Hills Hospital. I had only been a freelance exorcist for two years, but I was one of the best.Though one couldn't tell if they saw me now. I was shaking in my boots. I hated haunted buildings. I had been hired to rid the old hospital of a ghostly teen girl who had died in a fire in 1889. A spiteful little bitch, Franny had caused rebuilding to be delayed indefinitely with her tantrums. Suddenly, the dusty double doors blew open as a whirlwind pursued me, Fran the center of its eye.
She had caught me off guard and I gave a little whimper. Taking a swig of red wine from my Hello Kitty flask, I braced myself. Franny sighted me and blew forward in a rage. I reached into my bag and pulled out my trusty-- stake?
"Shit!" I cried. I had meant to bring my cross. The Damned were afraid of God, a stake was not acceptable. I didn't have time to react as I was swept up in Franny's ghostly wind. Time to improvise, I thought. Pulling my lighter from my pocket, I filled my mouth with red wine and spit it on the flame. Franny screamed in the flare and dropped me. she hovered by the ceiling and gathered herself, then rushed forward again. I was ready.
"Bring it bitch," I muttered.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
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22 comments:
HAAHA! Very nice and very clever!! I enjoyed this immensely. Will it be part of a larger story? I hope so...
LOL
Hello Kitty flask
Great details. How fun.
Now I'm going to have that Ray Parker Jr. song in my head for days. Nice action piece.
Yikes, do they have malpractice insurance for stupid mistakes like bringing the stake instead of the cross? Like Sarah, I loved the Hello Kitty Flask! Also, I thought this was very well written, and I could see it clearly down to the details of Frannie's face in the eye. You did a good job of capturing his character and making the story humorous. Nice read.
lol... too funny!
This hit the sweet spot! I must echo everyone on the Hello Kitty flask.
The opening jumps right in and it is funny and scary at the same time.
Real ghosts?
Real exorcists?
A real exorcist(one of the best) whose afraid of haunted buildings?
Awesome!
wvs: cyagin. Gin that is blue.
Very different and very good
alex
Wow. You're gettin' lots of play off that Hello Kitty flask. LOL.
Good stuff.
Cool! I thought this was great and different!
I sported a 5 inches smile, as soon as I read the titles. Me and bro. used to sing the song together back in the salad days. I loved Ghostbusters and I so love this one. She is a rockstar!
Totally loved this one. :)
Hello Kitty flask!
Ha!
I like the tone you set here, the juxtaposition between fear and humor.
The Ghostbusters would be proud.
I liked this very much. :)
Oooooh, I'd love to see this turned into a longer story! There's just so much here, it's wonderful. Please turn this into a longer story. Please please please. :)
Oh, I meant to say that I really like the complexity of this character, already. Is she a teenager? How did she get into this business? How do people even know to call her?
So many questions. I would love to see where you go with this, if you do run with it.
Red wine is the logical choice with stake. I would have been troubled if you'd brought red wine and fish, for example.
What's that? Oh... never mind.
I like the premise. Freelance exorcists... like bounty hunters in reverse. More like bounty getter-ridders. Great concept. And of course, wonderful last line. Though I dearly want to know what his strategy is now.
Huh. I thought the MC was a girl. Even in the first paragraph. Don't know why.
Fun little story. Now where's Egon with the trap?!
Thanks guys for the support. I'm still in high school so I have a lot to learn. I do want this to be a series so I will be entering shorts about my exorcist. Oh, and for the record, the MC is a girl, Tru Summers
Kenneth, you don't have too much to learn. I really liked this and yes, I liked the Hello Kitty flask, too. Stand out story.
What an entertaining piece. I too assumed her to be teenager (the Hello Kitty flask spoke volumes). Loved the story. I think this could be a book.
Great story, Kenneth. I agree with the other comments...this could be turned into a great book! Well done.
Great action and description - I am completely swept up in the scene.
A good ghost fight. that's something you don't see enough of. Sounds like our protagonist just needs to get mad.
High marks for pacing.
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