Monday, January 11, 2010

Entry #134

Eternity
by Michael Morse


Look at me as if I exist. My wings are spread in flight. I have somewhere to go. You are drawn to me. You wish to ride my back, feel the wind, soar higher, and higher until the fear of flying is lost. The branches seem fragile, but here you are weightless. Join me in flight, and know what it means to be alive.

Blurred vision is new to you, but do not mourn your loss of sight, soon, all will be understood. Reach toward the sky. Touch me, climb into the void and fly. Finally, we are together.

Blackness.

21 comments:

Nevine said...

I love the use of the imperative throughout. It creates a high sense of urgency. Excellent!

Nevine

onipar... said...

Nicely done in so few words.

Craig said...

There is a strong sense of movement in this piece.

Aniket said...

Not sure if I grasped all you tried to convey. But I loved the sense of compulsion the voice creates.

Tessa said...

Aah, in the company of birds we leave this mortal coil. There is a wonderful, lyrical resonance here.

kashers said...

Strangely effective piece. The first line, though simply put, seems to be the ultimate plea for faith. This is followed by a 'Come Fly With Me' request, which presumably is taken up. And yet, in doing so, the conclusion appears to be a betrayal, i.e. 'blackness' and nothing else. Could it be a wry comment as to the merits of blind faith.

Michael Morse said...

Thank you for the comments! I'm not used to getting feedback on my writing style. When I looked at the picture I saw a black hole in the shape of a hawk, kind of like a tear in the fabric of our world.

laughingwolf said...

compelling...

Laurel said...

Dark, compulsive sense of motion and beckoning. I've no idea what is going on but it doesn't seem important...

Four Dinners said...

I'm with kashers.

Excellent writing and so few words to convey everything.

Very impressive stuff!!!

lena said...

Just few words leave such a strong impression. However I guess I would like some more here.

pjd said...

It seems to me that an angel is speaking here and that this is a story of faith.

Jean Ann Williams said...

I thought it was a piece about death and the flight of it.

I like it very much.

Jean Ann

catvibe said...

I'm seeing this as a riddle in a way. I think Pete has it right, an angel, or the perhaps an angel of death. Nice.

Jean said...

Yearning to know the unknown.
Very nice, Michael.

JaneyV said...

I think that this is very beautiful - so beautiful, in fact, that it could be written as a poem.

Look at me as if I exist.
My wings are spread in flight.
I have somewhere to go.
You are drawn to me.
You wish to ride my back,
feel the wind,
soar higher,
and higher until the fear of flying is lost.
The branches seem fragile,
but here you are weightless.
Join me in flight,
and know what it means to be alive.

Blurred vision is new to you,
but do not mourn your loss of sight,
soon, all will be understood.
Reach toward the sky.
Touch me,
climb into the void and fly.
Finally, we are together.

Blackness.

Michael Morse said...

Thank you, Janey V! I wish I had thought to present it that way. I think I have a fear of poetry.

James R. Tomlinson said...

I'm in agreement with the change in form. I had difficulty reading this as a story, especially "Blurred vision is new to you." How would the narrator know? Change the form, and for whatever reason, it's no longer a distraction.

Christian Bell said...

A definite sense of urgency, cast in a dark mood. Nice.

Chris Eldin said...

Very nice, but I like what JaneyV did. Makes it more powerful.

Aerin said...

Aiya. I thought it was a junkie piece about an overdose.


my caveat

Something I Would Keep

I love the first line, enigmatic and philosophical - it's a great hook.

Something I Might Tweak

Throw in a few details - even in poetry form, I'd love to feel this a little more.