Into the Night
by D. Smith Kaich Jones
The scent of the air changes with each wingstroke, changes with the coming of dusk, night moving closer, changes with each leaf that floats to the ground, at last letting go of autumn’s magic. No wind nudges them from the branches, just a final goodbye and they drop, it is over, and the scent of the air moves easily across the almost empty trees, the coolness a playground in the sky, few wingstrokes needed now, just a glide, a long swoop, the coming darkness a joy, the solitude a gift from the gods.
It is a different silence up this high, the silence of movement, the small sounds of man muted and unimportant, but it is his last winter, and even those sounds are savored, tucked away to remember later when his wings grow tired of flight, and he closes his eyes as he dips, listening for the noise of children, for their surprise when they see him, and then up again he soars, leaving the treetops and laughter behind, opening his eyes and heading into the now-here night, the full moon his compass, the stars his guides, and he wishes only for one more summer, the sound of cicadas always such a pleasure, but thankful for this one last look at the bones of the trees.
He sees a mouse and lets it be.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
16 comments:
An anti-climax as compared to other entries. He would forever be called as 'The mouse who lived' (Aine is going to kill me for this :P)
I so loved the description of flight.
"the small sounds of man muted and unimportant, but it is his last winter, and even those sounds are savored," was my fav. line.
Majestic!
Elegant and peaceful.
very well written. considering the fact that the entire piece comprises of just four sentences.
:-)
Liked. Very much.
A requiem for sweet summer gone.
Stream of consciousness isn't usually my cup of tea, but it linked up nicely here with the bird's continuous flight.
Very beautifully written. Short but to the point. Liked it.
passages...
I love your description of flying.
Very peaceful.
This is prose-poetry with the beautiful imagery and word choices and the astonishing run-on sentences. (Is that second paragraph one big run-on?) Very nice mingling of natural reference with feelings.
We've had a few interpretations of souls taking flight. Upon my first reading, I didn't notice a run-on, which in turn means the words flowed. Good job.
I love that he realises that his time is running short and that he is saying goodbye to everything. It's an appreciation of every experience and every bit of beauty. I hope he gets to hear the cicadas one last time too.
my caveat
Something I Would Keep
Oh, wow, I didn't realize there were only four sentences, either. It reads so smoothly, peaceful and just like I'd imagine it feels to ride the wind.
Something I Might Tweak
Because there are only four sentences, I might not start the third one with "It is" which wastes a verb place with a being verb. But that's just nitpicky. :)
This is poetry. Would love to see it formatted that way.
Excellent piece.
LOL @ The mouse that got away!
A sweet and peaceful vignette. Very nice read.
I too didn't notice the lack of periods. Wow! That in itself is fully awesome. I love stream of consciousness writing actually, so SHOCK that I didn't even notice until someone mentioned it in the comments. Like JR said, only if it flowed smoothly could that happen. So excellent on flow. Beautiful descriptions here. Who cares about the lowly mouse and feeding when you are flying and feeling the soaring freedom?
Post a Comment